Since it’s late, not much to say

Busy editing so I’ll make this a fairly quick post. Nothing too much to focus on. Prism went to sleep and discovered that the scent she’d smelled around Gaarn and that room surrounded the bed, which comforted her. So not really too much. Some of the stuff they spoke on was of important so obviously in the story it was a bit more, but not something I can speak on here. haha

I find myself in a solemn or melancholy mood lately. Dunno why. Thinking a lot about how much a person can be dealing with behind the scenes and nobody knows. It crosses my mind when I’m playing Pirates of the Caribbean and there is this player who has harassed me as long as I can remember. Just one of those that you get the impression he looks down on women in general because of how I’ve seen him treat other female players. I’m used to his behavior so honestly it can irritate me at times, but at the same time, I understand him I guess so I don’t take it entirely personal.

When we play games like that there are always those players in there. Just something one comes across. I’m one of those nicer folks and middle ground. I don’t lazy play where nothing matters to me, but at the same time I have so much generally going on in my life that being in a “top” spot only rarely crosses my mind. Occasionally I might try to boost myself for fun in the events, but if I don’t stay in the top 100, then I’m all, eh. Another time or don’t care at all. Then you get those players who are really good or the invest a lot so they qualify at the top of the boards. Some can be REALLY arrogant and bullish, or crude to other people. It’s funny because those are usually the ones I end up being closest too. Not that they’re bad individuals but the play style is that way.

I’ve actually found most of them to be very kind. Especially in this game. Or to me they are. Had one the other day be kind to me and he usually wasn’t so I paused and had a moment of why is he of all people being nice to ME? lol But you know, there are all sorts of folks. And by nature I’m generally kind and never try to be the same way to others that they are to me because as I would point out to this guy if he continues to harass me, I will never be rude in return. I will never be unkind. Not purposeful especially. why? Because we never know if he’s about to step off a mountain with one more harsh word, or he doesn’t know if I’m at that point.

Most of us hide that side of us. Most of us don’t discuss the hard stuff. And it’s important to be kind to others, even when we just realllllly wanna say things to them that are cruel. I very much appreciated that person I mentioned above coming to my aid that day as I’m used to being dumped on, and not having someone have my back so I did thank him for it. But that’s been on my mind a lot lately. How many of us have to deal with a lot of stress behind the scenes that none of us know the other is?

I mean I have two people in my life that I could literally wake up one morning and they’re gone. It’s just me and the dogs. Most of the day I’m on my own because they sleep in. I deal with house chores, I cook dinner, I deal with the dogs, and I work hard to pursue this writing career so sometimes I do get lonely. It’s not easy to have friends so I’d given that up a while ago. We all deal with that at times so it’s not a woe is me situation. It’s just that at times our lives get to the point where we just don’t have the time to maintain friendships or romantic relationships and the other party wants and needs more than we can give. OR it’s just that one. more. thing, that we can’t handle in our day so forgo for a bit.

So that’s been on my mind a lot these past few days. I think it was triggered too by that random person who’s not been that nice to me suddenly coming to my aid for zero reason and I was thankful for it in that moment because stress had been compiling and there was that one person who lent a hand versus joining in with another and dumping more on top. As I said though, that rude one. Yeah, I’m just used to his behavior. He’s been that way for over a good year if I come across him in that chat? Same as he’s been to others. I’m not special. It’s not a personal thing to me. There’ve been others who we ended up having conversations that were just fine, despite not being friends or getting along. Some even because I defended and had the back of someone they saw as a bully, but I pointed out doing the same in return IS also being a bully. We can’t take the high road if we’re doing the same stuff to the other person. And personally I prefer to treat people with kindness and respect. I prefer to be open and direct so that if I have a problem with someone, I address it. I don’t always do so, but I’m trying to be better about it because I’m used to dealing with the same. I’m used to people going silent and not even telling me WHY they are.

Can’t fix a friendship if we’re not told, “I feel ___ when you ___ because ___ ” There are no tools to fix emptiness. Silence. Nothingness.

What I have found that I like about games like Pirates though? It actually teaches people how to communicate better because that’s all you have. Text. The chats are text and nothing else. So sitting back and seeing how they handle disagreements, seeing and learning from how they communicate? It’s actually been helping me. The longer one plays those games the more you have to learn to communicate and work through issues because you’re in the same place for months on end, sometimes years.

I think that’s what has been most important for me. Thinking lately about how some take great pleasure in harassing others for years on end (potentially) and we just never know what the other is dealing with. What sort of stress they have on their shoulders. Which one more sentence can send them toppling over the edge. There are those who play those games where they literally form no friendships and care not one bit outside of the game about the other people. My brother is that way. If he never speaks or hears from even one from that game, he’s fine. I like to have those friendships carry on, and do have some. I am grateful for them. They’re good people who play those games. Not all those arrogant and “a-hole” types are actually bad people. They’re aggressive IN game, but as people? They’re actually very kind, but then again maybe it also comes from me being kind to them. Worth mentioning too.

So I’d say bear that in mind. We don’t ever know what that other party is dealing with. You are not a number, I am not a number. We are two human beings interacting. Their words may not be personal to US and instead be something going on inside of them that they’re putting on us. Don’t need to excuse the behavior at all. We can tell them they’re being rude. Just realize that just because they’re being rude to us? We don’t need to be rude in return to them. Treat others as you would like too be treated. I’m tired of this idea people have of “friend collecting.” You know what I mean. Where people “collect,” numbers, but we’re not people to them. It’s inappropriate and unkind.

We are not numbers. We are people. And if I am interacting with you? I would treat you the same were I there with you. As the beautiful human you are. Because you deserve that. I will never be unkind to someone just because they are to me. That’s not how we make the world a better place. We are the individual difference. We are the ones who must be better. The fix isn’t out there. It’s within each of us. What we see in the mirror? That’s who can be fixed and then we see the difference. Be kind. If I were to react to that man’s rudeness and be rude in return, he’d get worse. I refuse to engage it by being myself – kind – therefore as bad as he can be, he is tempered because I simply don’t go there. Same with anyone we encounter who is rude to us.

So I’ll repeat. We are not numbers to be collected and discarded. We are human beings. Just because they are rude to us, doesn’t mean we need to be rude in return.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 12,510 words

Current word count as of today – 13,567 words

Total words written since last post – 1,057


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