Forgive them because you both need it. Thank them for adding to your growth as a human being.
I understand him in ways that is hard to put to words. One minute I want to ring his neck. The next minute I’m all, I getchoo boy. No worries. Either way, I love him.
He’s teaching me life lessons and helping me to grow as a human being without him even realizing it. And he reminds me far too much of myself, yet another person I love. So it’s like . . . I just get you Verrick Conrad. It’s hard to be mad at you ya pain in the tookus.
Forgiveness. Forgiveness overcame me last night while I was hand washing the dishes (I’m telling you, it’s worth doing for all the lovely inspiration that comes!) and right after this thought I had this other interesting feeling overcome me. See, I have discovered this gift that I will explain because if you ever experience it, you’ll know where it comes from. And that is the gift of knowing when someone is thinking of you. When they are thinking of you and it’s some good things.
Did you know that we’re that connected? We are! Have you ever been going about your day and suddenly there was a wash of warmth spread over you? It’s sort of like when you hear someone tell you they love you or give you some wonderful praise. That beautiful love feeling that overwhelms you and feels all warm and cuddly?
Who enters your mind? Out of the blue who just overwhelms your mind? 🙂
Guess who was just thinking about you and having some lovely thoughts about you? That’s right. That person who came to mind. And if you begin to feel really good and happy soon after? Oh love, they’ve connected to your energy in a beautiful way. They love you and were sharing just how much they were. They didn’t know they were showering you with their love, but if you have a spiritual connection with that person? Best friend, love interest, parent, sibling, then you can be sure that you’re going to feel that connection light up when they’re thinking of you with love. It’s beautiful.
The same circumstance will happen if suddenly you’re wanting to talk to someone, call them, reach out. I remember last week I turned on Kelly Ripa and Ryan in the morning for a few minutes before I went about my day. I love their first 15 minutes because they always put me in a good mood and make me laugh. She was talking about how her mom will do that to her. Sometimes the intense urge comes over her to call momma. It’s her mom doing it to her. And her momma knows it, haha.
I never used to believe in that sort of thing but my gifts have been increasing as of the last year and a half and I’ve learned as of late that those moments are real. People are connected in ways that they have no idea and only when they finally stop living in hate and fear do those realizations come to life.
Verrick is learning that hard lesson himself. Those walls are dropping and he is realizing all his previous thoughts might be wrong. Oh, he is fighting it. Right now he is fighting it big time. That ego wants to hold onto that pain for a WHILE. The connections he believed were false and didn’t exist? They actually may have existed all this time.
Forgiveness. He’s learning that he may have to forgive the past but he’s fighting it right now.
Myself, I’m not. Last night while I was washing dishes and cooking dinner for my mom and brother it hit me. Why? What does holding onto things really accomplish? I’ve told people that when I’m done, I’m done. I have given people second chances, only to find they haven’t changed. I have given third chances, only to continue to be hurt by individuals.
Then I began to think about my role in those situations. Yes, the people didn’t change. Yes, the people hurt me. But do I need to continue to let them hurt me? What they did is on them, how does that affect my life?
You see, we do that to ourselves. Okay, they didn’t change. How does that alter your day? Your life? How does it make any difference if you’ve changed, whether they have or not?
Exactly. It doesn’t. People can change. People do change. When we change. That’s right. We have to change, first. Not them. A lot of the time people only change when we do. Much of it has to do with our perception of them too. Sometimes that means letting them go even when we don’t want to. Doesn’t mean screaming at them and shutting the door. It means letting them figure themselves out, give them space and time, leave the light on.
While we are so busy placing blame on another’s shoulders, we’re avoiding that mirror right there in front of us. They are reflecting back to us where we’re going wrong.
There are so many people I’ve come across lately that are placing blame on others. Who are criticizing. And not to be hateful since I am a woman, but we’ve all seen the women who blamed the man for her behavior. Or who blamed him for the failure of a relationship. Men too. I recently came across a comment that a man placed blame on a woman for leaving. Promising him forever then leaving. My first thought was: what was your role in that? Because let’s face it. We do that. We say it’s their fault, but it isn’t. Not entirely.
When we deal with another human being or animal even, how many are in there? There is them and there is . . . that’s right: us. We are a part of that equation. In every situation there is a them and there is an us. I’m not saying that you or they aren’t more so to blame, but there are always two sides to something. How you treat someone is how you will be treated. If you’re not being respectful to another human being through your actions as much as your words, you’re going to get a wakeup call.
I always try to apologize when I’ve been in the wrong. If they tell me exactly what’s wrong, and I realize my part, I’m going to apologize and explain where I was coming from or try to explain clearer. This is why I value communication. Usually I never realize how much I’ve hurt someone until they say so. None of us do. I’m also learning now to verbalize my truth. If something hurts me I’m going to dig deep and get that courage to say what it was and why. Then forgive them if I know that wasn’t their intention. And let’s face it. We rarely go out of our way to purposely hurt another human being. We don’t. Even if we’re mad, it’s rare that we purposely want to hurt someone just to hurt them. It’s not just immature, but mean. Outright cruel to injure another to make us feel better.
But now I’m learning to forgive period. Sometimes you don’t need to have them in your life, but I have been seeing something clearer in my life. All my life I had this idea that everyone left me. And yes, it’s true that people leave. At some point you need them to. Sorry. It’s just that you do. When they leave, you learn a lesson. You needed that because they needed to break that connection or you did. That was the toxic part of that connection and by one or the other leaving, it gave that clarity you needed or they did. Or both. It helped you grow as a human being (if you took the time to) and they taught you a lesson.
Don’t. I know what that sentence provokes. Don’t go there. No snarky, yeah it taught me not to trust that bitch/asshole/person/humans. It didn’t. When we get that first reaction what really is it? Ego. Ego that wants to protect us from being hurt. We are still hiding behind that shell of fear. Hate to break it to you (and remind my own damn self, lol) but that reaction is fear-based.
Fear of having opened up and being hurt. Fear of them leaving. But it has been a very rare exception that they never returned. Generally it was me making sure they didn’t.
See that is what I didn’t notice. They always came back. Only when I finally learned that I didn’t desperately need to cling on. I know abandonment. I know someone who was so afraid of losing me that she invoked a daily fear in me of others leaving me. Of never going too far away from her because I’d be hurt by “bad people out there.” But the reality was of her fear.
And at the heart of it we are so goddamn afraid of being hurt and let down that it will happen again and again until we see that it is so fucking okay. We are okay. It will be okay. Does it mean allow people to hurt you? That it’s good they did? Fuck, no. You stand your ground and tell them how you deserve to be treated. That does not give YOU any right to be cruel to them to make YOUR point. You’re only fueling the hate and fear. You’re speaking from your fear. Speak clearly and respectfully, try to see it from their side.
I never try to intentionally be cruel to another human. I try to be clear with my words. I try to make sure they understand I am not speaking from an angry bitch place. Many times my blunt tongue can come across that way and it hurts me when someone tells me that they took it that way. That they felt hurt by my words. Which is where forgiveness comes in.
These are all lessons to be learned. We have been taught how easy it is to bond and break off ties for so little. Did they insult you? Unfriend and block them, delete their number, no longer take their calls or answer the door. Ghost them. Did they disagree with you? Repeat steps above. My word, I have had those who’ve done that. I disagreed and found myself blocked. Majority of my friends disagree with my thoughts and we still love one another just fine, lol.
How about we start learning a new lesson? How about we stop, pause, take a minute, then tell them, “I don’t appreciate you saying ___. Because I felt ____” And then learn from their side where they were coming from? Yes, there are trolls out there. Yes, there are people out there who are furious and mad at everything and everyone and will snap your head off for saying hi. Imagine what would happen if you said to them, “Sorry that you’re having a bad day, but I don’t appreciate you taking it out on me. That has nothing to do with me.” It’s hard, isn’t it? To get out of our own way and actually BE VULNERABLE. gasp
Guess how many situations have diffused around me since I’ve learned that? I don’t fight. I don’t like stress. I have lived in fear all my life. There is plenty of fear to feel. Why are we making more? Bringing about stress.
We are beings of love.
Why don’t we begin to live like we are?
We have the ability to communicate in ways that can change the entire planet. And the worst part of that saying? It starts with you. It isn’t a person outside of us that can fix who we are. That anger is all on you. Not them. What they did is on them. How you react is on you.
I have every single reason to hate so many people in my life. I do. The amount of physical and emotional abuse I’ve been through is up there. So many people who’ve heard the majority of my life story have wondered why I am still so incredibly sweet and nice. They don’t understand how I’m not this angry hateful person.
What does that serve? Who does that hurt? Them? It doesn’t. Maybe it’s why I don’t get sick and I look so young too. I stopped holding onto all that stress and stopped holding things in. It’s not that I don’t have stress. My gosh the amount of things that have been happening around here lately I should be falling the hell apart. I shouldn’t have time to breathe.
I find I have more time to sit and relax because I stopped telling myself I don’t have time. I have all the time in the world! I have 24 hours in a day. I have 365 days a year. Do you know how much one can accomplish when they stop manifesting the “I don’t have time, I’m busy,” world?
That has been allowing me to take in every ball thrown at me and knock it out of the park with ease. Life wants to test me again and again and I’m sitting back going okay. Ready for another ball to juggle. Not that I don’t have my moments, I am so far from a saint that I don’t even see that line, lol.
Now I’m working on forgiveness. Have you ever thought about what the world would be like if you stopped and took a breath to actually tell someone, “I’m not interested,” rather than holding onto them and letting them go to find that person they are meant to be with? While you’re busy fussing about them being in your face and wanting something with you, or not just being friends, what part are you playing? Have you taken the time to tell them, “I know you’re interested, but I’m not.” Now you have let them go and released them to find the love they were meant to.
This is what our past has done for us. Every time they have said to you they weren’t interested? Every time they hurt you they were teaching you to stand your ground. They were teaching you to stand up for yourself. They were teaching you that they aren’t the one for you so that you could find the person you were meant to be with. They were letting you go to find that person who is going to be so much better for you. Why are you still angry at them for teaching you those lessons?
Forgive them for causing you pain. Forgive yourself for holding onto the anger. Forgive them for cheating on you because life needed to make sure they left your life. Forgive them for not knowing how to love you the way you needed to be loved. It was partly on you too. So forgive yourself for not knowing there was something else out there. Forgive yourself for holding onto them long after they were gone. Forgive yourself for being afraid to let that pain go. Forgive them for having to cheat to teach you how to be stronger.
When I say these things I’m not saying they were right for what they did. We are responsible for our own actions. But truly look at what came from that situation. If you’re in it now it will be so hard to do, but there was a lesson you learned. And every single step you’ve taken has led you to this place.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It really is okay.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. Forgiveness of self is even harder.
But consider that instead of holding onto that pain from the past, you finally forgive and let it go. Consider what would happen to this world if we stopped blocking people and teaching them fear of abandonment and we stood our ground and simply opened up. Consider what would become of a world in which we EACH took the time to say, “that hurt my feelings,” and “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.”
Do you know what sort of miracles that could be achieved with a simple, “I am truly sorry for how I behaved.” And then tell the person why you did? And I don’t mean the lazy, “I’m busy,” excuse that we have been taught. When I stopped hiding behind that it forced me to pause and truly explain myself. When we stop taking the lazy way out we find that great love we have always dreamt about. And it doesn’t even have to be with another person. That great love for ourself is just as important.
You are love. I am love.
Why are we so afraid to act out of that place? That is truly what it is. Media wants us to believe that there is all this hate in the world. When we scream, “Look at what he is doing! It’s all his fault, her fault, their fault!” Pause. Now point that finger right back at where it came from. How is it their fault?
This is something Verrick is having to face. He’s been blaming his father for who he became. He’s been hating his mother. He’s been afraid of abandonment.
Guess what? All his life he may have been made to believe lies. People around him chose to play a part in that story, but who really was responsible for becoming that monster and holding himself back from all that he was blessed to receive?
He was.
Nobody made him tear the throat out of that kid at school who called him a name. Nobody made him use those women to pleasure him because he has always been so afraid of admitting he only wanted one woman. And he was afraid of that intensity that Kylarra made him feel. That craving for just her soul in his world. For those sparkling green eyes. Who really is responsible for keeping her at arm’s length?
Look at who’s arm is keeping itself up. It’s not his dad’s arm. It’s not his mom’s arm.
It’s his own arm keeping Kylarra at a distance. Because he is still so afraid of breaking down those walls and simply telling her “you are my entire life.”
We’ve been taught by society (and so have my Lycaens) that saying, “You’re my world,” is a bad thing. We’ve been made to believe it’s wrong to admit that they’re your everything as if that means you have no life, nothing else. No. It means they are all you want in your life and you don’t desire to be with anyone else. I mean who in the hell wants to be with someone who is like, “I don’t think you’re that important. There may be someone else out there for me.” And then they restrict themselves and never fully give you their heart?
I sure as hell don’t. Hence I don’t fit into society, haha. I want to know I’m it for someone so that deep down they aren’t thinking the grass is greener on the other side. That they aren’t out there telling fifty other women the things they are me. I don’t play into those games, I’d rather be alone. Why would I be with someone who doesn’t care that I’m there because I’m an item of convenience, nothing more? Just a warm body will do them?
Heck nah. They can find someone else if they’re interested in playing the “dating game,” or the “I’ll date a few women to find someone,” person. Pfft. I go soul deep, one man woman, no games person because that’s who I am too. Many lack that depth and want to dive deep and communicate. They’re happy to be surface level blase. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you know they’re it. There’s nothing wrong with not playing into those dating games and staying single until you find that one who really hits you deep in there. Do you, not society, not what your friends tell you, not the parents, not anybody but YOU. Where that stems from is the fear that you’re not good enough for someone to only want you.
You deserve the same as Verrick. The one who looks at you (thought Kylarra refuses to admit it, lol) like you’re their everything. Nobody has ever interested Kylarra. All her life she has only held that space for Verrick. She tried to date, but realized it wouldn’t work. She’d never attach to them so stopped wasting the time of others and herself. Sloan she connected with eventually, but his was more to control her and she did it I think to try to connect with another, but it never worked. That heart of hers was still only for Verrick. That girl has been holding space for him all this time and waiting for the moment he finally lets her in for good. She knows he will. I can understand where she is coming from. When you find that person? Nobody else will ever compete.
And that’s where it stems from for Verrick. He doesn’t feel good enough. It’s not because he’s thinking he’s better than Kylarra. All he wants is that redhead. He could spend days and months talking to her and still want more.
Forgiveness goes a long way toward healing that self-worth issue. When we finally see that not forgiving people for being humans and sometimes doing stupid things and messing up is holding us back, we finally break free. We finally learn that it’s okay. It really is. So they royally screwed up. That doesn’t make you a bad person for trusting them. And trusting people isn’t wrong. It helps you to be stronger and learn lessons that are good for your soul.
To grow as a human being we need to learn forgiveness. We need to be able to see that people screw the hell up. Cutting them off does harm to your soul as well as theirs. It only adds further to the separation. So does blame and criticism without taking a step back and seeing what part we played in that role.
What about . . . instead of shutting someone out we simply tell them the truth? How they hurt you, what they did, why it hurt you, and then forgive them. Guess what . . . that doesn’t mean you have to be close friends anymore. If it’s something that you don’t allow in your life, okay. That is perfectly okay.
Not that there aren’t real situations to keep them out like when they are stalking you. Or they have been physically abusive. I think you are all intelligent enough to understand that is not even close to part of this so I haven’t added those constant sidenotes. You’re far more intelligent and understand that the unwritten exceptions are there. We need to stop taking things so personal that instead of communicating and working things out, we just run. Where are you running to? When you run, you carry the past with you. When you continue to hate them and be angry with what they did, you’re just throwing that into the suitcase and dragging it with you into the future.
Where are all the good things going to go if you’re still filling up that suitcase with that past anger and hate for the others? Your ex is still sitting in the suitcase so where is your new partner going to fit? The money you lost in the past is still taking up space for all that new abundance. Where will anything new fit in if you’re still carrying all that past stinky junk?
Stop and open the suitcase as I plan to do. Now look at each one of those things and really forgive it. Leave it to the side if you don’t need it. I’ve seen a few people talk about “trusting someone completely is setting yourself up for being hurt by them.” And OH MY GOSH is that exactly what their life will be!
How about we start to tell ourself, “when I trust people completely, they always treat me really well.” How about instead of saying, “People always leave me.” We stop and realize they don’t and say, “People value me in their lives and love being in my life.”
We are manifesting the reality we create. The thoughts we believe. If you believe people are shit, they’re going to be as such.
I trust people completely and they treat me really well. <– That’s the truth and a manifestation, lol. Once I stopped and really thought about it, I realized I’d been lying to myself without even knowing it. People treat me really well (not that there aren’t exceptions). Being nice and kind and truly speaking your truth brings you in incredible miracles and blessings. The next thing will be that great love people have been telling me for so long I’m meant for. Because I have all the other areas covered. I DO have so much love in my life. Lots and lots of it. Now I’m open to that life partner to share my life with and share in my adventures. ❤
That all starts with us. When we forgive our past we open the door to those beautiful blessings that life has been waiting to give us. Stop running from people and start communicating. That’s when dreams come true, when we change the narrative from “people are evil” to “human beings are wonderful and sometimes really fuck the hell up, but I love them anyway and can forgive them.”
Yes, sweet little bubbles can say fuck. lol
And I know I know. If you forgive them and move on from that pain, what will we complain about? Exactly. We’re going to have to change and realize that we should be celebrating all the wonderful moments in our life, not the horrific ones. Use all that pain to teach others. Use that lesson to learn and help others. Use it, period. We need to stop fueling the hate that everyone wants to spread.
People often think because of my positive attitude and shiny little self that I live in a fairytale. I do. I live in a world where you’re a human being as much as I am. And I will treat you with the respect you deserve. Not that I’m not going to mess up. I have attitude and a temper. I’m A sensitive and sensitive in general because gasp I’m a human being with feelings who gets triggered by certain things. It does mean I’m trying to be a better human. Every single day. And frankly my little legs are tired of running though it gives me a fine little tookus. Just sayin.
Forgive them because you both need it. Thank them for adding to your growth as a human being.
Kimberly Sue Iverson - Author 