Sent Birth of a Princess off

So funny. I was going to write, “Dark Illusions.” Not sure which one, but one of them. Caught myself before the brain fully formed it, so who knows.

Friday I was able to send Birth of a Princess off as planned. Kept having things pulling me away from the computer so I’m actually very glad I could get it out. Then my computer acted up and made me have to restart the entire thing. Always that final read through when everything begins to pull me away and need my attention.

I am about to begin working on Fury of a Queen again. I had begun to input changes when Jeanie had Birth of a Princess in the beginning and was able to make it to page 37. So I’ll get back to inputting the changes from paper to digital. I have to update my home page here in a second, first. Otherwise I’ll forget.

Also, as you can see below, Secrets Below Gargoyle Cavern is going really well. May already be about halfway through the story. So that means it may top at 20K? Potentially. We’ll see.


Today’s numbers for Secrets Below Gargoyle Cavern.

Words at last post – 3,448 words

Current word count as of today – 3,448 words

Total words written since last post – 5,271 words


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Started Secrets Below Gargoyle Cavern

Yesterday I started to write Secrets Below Gargoyle Cavern I am already at 3,448 words for two days worth of writing so the story is flowing pretty well.

Also, I don’t know if any of you are on Parler (pronounced par-lay), but I saw a post from someone I follow on Instagram so I was all . . . lemme see. It’s touted as a free speech social network, more so for those who’ve been banned and thrown off Twitter, Facebook, etc. Quickly you realize it does lean toward conservatives using it mostly (at least right now), but I’ve been seeing more posts from other people mentioning it, and enjoying it as well. I like the look, and the themes personally. The app is pretty decent too.

If you want to check it out, and follow me, or if you’re on there and wanna connect (I’d love some more diversity in who I follow) – I am under the same as usual – kimberlysueiverson. Their links are http://parler.com/profile/KimberlySueIverson

I deactivated my Twitter recently as I’m tired of the vitriol, but thought I would check out Parler. Still not really on social networks too much, but it seems promising. Course in a year will it still be? That’s the question. I want connection, not “look at me, look at me!” Maayybbbbbe I will even post my questions of the day there. See how it goes.

I had tried out MeWe like others and deleted it. Kept having it act up, and men basically using it as a vulgar thing. I just had men trying to follow, message, and nude images all over so *deletes profile*. If I see too many attacks by conservatives toward the “left,” I certainly won’t find it of interest. I have some great friends with different political leanings as me, some who absolutely hate Trump. Some who love him. I treat them all the same. I am not into that “nasty/hate,” stuff. The attacks come equally from both sides and for me, I’m just tired of that. I don’t attack others who don’t believe what I do. I won’t. I can get bad into “generalizing,” like some do, but even then I try to be careful with my words.

Words are important. We have to use ours wisely and responsibly. So if interested, come by, check it out. 🙂 And lemme know if you’d be interested in the questions being posted there. I have considered bringing them back so? Lemme know in the comments. ❤

I am also on the final read through with Birth of a Princess so by Friday, Jeanie will have it.


Today’s numbers for Secrets Below Gargoyle Cavern.

Words at last post – 0 words

Current word count as of today – 3,448 words

Total words written since last post – 3,448 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Took a bit of an unintended break

I didn’t really have plans to go poof. It just happened, then I looked at the calendar and realized I did.

Yesterday I finished writing Creations of the Galaxy. With the fact that it’s only been approximately 3.5 months-ish, I was kinda surprised. Yes, it’s a bit shorter than normally when I stop. My average is around 80K or even 85K. I stopped this one at 74,463 words.

So not too much shorter, but yeah it’s still shorter. Now, could I have pushed it out? Sure. I could’ve kept writing, but there is that little voice inside which is all . . . this is a good spot to stop. So I listen.

Haven’t been doing much outside of the normal to be honest. It’s just that I’m still at that point where I don’t have the energy to do much more than I do daily. What extra there is to offer, I will try to post something to social media, and interact, but mostly it’s just work, my dogs, my family, Colin and Jeanie. I’m okay with that though. I’m not trying to push myself or force myself to interact and stay active with a thousand people like I used to. I’m not trying to force myself to move faster than I should. To force myself to speed up with my healing either. And I am still very much in a healing phase.

I know that to be my best self right now for myself first, then the people and animals around me, I have to go slow and take things step at a time. I used to work really hard to be in that rush, rush, rush phase and that was what used to trigger the PTSD to clamp down on me hard, fast, and for years I would struggle to get back out of the grip of the darkness that could consume me. I won’t go down that road again. I refuse to. Am I in the process of changing my life? Yes. Completely. Talk to me in five years and I have a good feeling about where I will be. If it takes me longer, I’m okay with that too.

The other night I was thinking about how right now I am still very much in survival mode. It is why I probably have so little energy to give to outside stuff. To give to all the “we must do this NOW” energy that many are trying to deal with. That is not healthy. Slow lasts. Quick, doesn’t. (Yes, captain obvious states there are exceptions to that rule.) But as I have stated so many times on this site, slow is better for us. It’s healthier. Unless you’re IN a position that need to stay one step ahead (think tech companies), then slow down. Ask yourself why the need to rush.

I needed to get a thousand books up NOW. I needed readers NOW. Guess what? Organic growth is far more sustainable in the long run. Most businesses don’t really finally get a good foundation in for a good 2-3 years. Even relationships can be said for similar. We don’t really drop walls until we’re a good few years in. Doesn’t mean we couldn’t marry them a second after we meet. But it does mean we won’t truly know someone until they begin to feel comfortable enough to drop the wall. Tends to happen after a few years.

Anyhoo, I began working on a new outline and posted a picture on Instagram of the behind the scenes for my outlining process.

I have a list of titles I’m going to try to narrow down then ask for help with. I might post a public poll for it, then narrow further in private. Just to see where the attention is drawn. I like to do titles publicly because the idea is to grab attention. I don’t poll just my normal readers because to draw in new readers, I target the public. NOT those I already have. For those folks, I know that whatever I choose, they will like. And I have other things I ask for help with from just them. But when it comes to titles? That’s a “popular vote” for a reason.

Also decided to deactivate my Twitter again. I can handle a lot of things, but that vitriol on there, I cannot right now. I won’t support it, enable, or participate in it. It’s become a hate platform and few want to communicate. Yes, there are plenty who do post and have great information and conversations shared, but that’s just one more platform to waste time on. Don’t want to right now. So Instagram (above) and Facebook are my two platforms I’ll play on for now. Outside of here.

I’m back and forth on whether I will do my Question of the Day. You can tell me your thoughts on that if you like. I’m sure nobody will, but that’s the time we live in. Few comment. It’s all “likes,” unless someone wants to scream and disagree. A bit of snark, but truth too.

Just keep going

Gonna start this with some adorable photos that I took yesterday of the baby cottontail growing up in our yard. Sadly (not sure how) his family must not have survived because he’s the only one I’ve seen. Mom and Dad show up here and there, but I haven’t seen siblings. Unless they (the rabbits) tend to have other nests in other yards. I don’t know how that works so dunno. But this lil guy in is grass that is only about 2 inches tall and he’s the size of my hand.

Right now there is a lot going on in everyone’s world.

It seems as if one minute the mind wants to relax and focus, and the next it’s a free for all. I’ve seen multiple folks who haven’t been having it very easy lately. So I thought I would offer this as a suggestion if you’re one of those.

You don’t need to be fixed. You don’t need to have all the answers. If you’re really struggling, as simple as it sounds? Just keep going. There have been a lot of times in my life where I have struggled to get myself out of bed. There have been far too many instances where I just didn’t want to. Where the sadness and misery overwhelmed me and the pain was too much. Where I have been so tired of being knocked down, overlooked, sh*t on, and all I wanted was to be able to stand up. When I just wanted to be able to . . . well, a thousand things.

And what I learned? Was that I didn’t need to be fixed. I didn’t need to figure things out right that minute, or have them all figured out. All that I needed to do? Was to keep going.

Baby steps. If you fall down, a baby step could be nothing more than to sit up. It could be to just get yourself out of bed. It could be to just then make the bed. It could then just be get dressed every day.

The worst part about that type of feeling is that we’re alone. That nobody knows how we feel. I certainly have been there and understand that. When I’ve been in the darkest parts of my life? I wasn’t thinking, “oh hey everyone can relate!” I wasn’t happily bouncing around the bed gleeful and exuberant. I was cussing myself in my head. I was inside my head telling people “you don’t get it. You don’t understand. You don’t know me.”

And the truth is?

We all get it. We all understand it. Not one of us (well, I don’t know – maybe there is ONE out there) hasn’t been knocked down, treated like sh*t for our gender, for our heritage, for our NAME even. Maybe for the family. Maybe for our race. Maybe for our clothes. Maybe for our hair. Maybe for our eyes.

I’m not kidding. The types of insults that people can throw at us? The type of misery that resides inside of people and vomits all over us?

When we are struggling to get out of bed, when we feel that there is no reason to wake up in the morning, one sentence? One tiny remark? Can make us decide it’s better not to. People think it’s selfish to commit suicide, but the sad reality is that when you’re in that place as I well understand, it’s about others. We’re not thinking about ourselves. We have been SO blinded by all the outside noise that we think the world doesn’t want us around and that we are finally giving it what it wants.

It’s why I get so frustrated with people using their words to attack another. Why I do worry a lot over what I say to people and will apologize after if I think it may have come across wrong. I will try to self-correct to be sure they understood where I was coming from if I even THINK that it may have come across as harsher than I intended. Fortunately I have a best friend who is so much like me so she tries to ensure that if she is giving me a certain piece of advice, I am aware of where it’s coming from. Say if a word is too harsh and suddenly we’re like, oh that sounded bad.

Some may see it as a weakness, but I see it as a strength. I’m not talking about a group of people making you change your words. I’m talking about OUR self-correction. Our realization in that instant that the word may have been the wrong choice. That takes a self-awareness I wish many more possessed. I actually hear it a lot on the podcast Kicking and Screaming with Jenna Elfman and Bodhi Elfman. They don’t mind saying many things, but there will be those moments where they go too far down a path, and they make sure the other understood that they see it was wrong. I’m going on a tangent so I’ll reel back.

My point is simply that often people are suffering in ways we don’t see. I have often covered up how I felt. I’m not entirely sure if it’s a self-protection or me trying to keep others from pitying me, worrying over me, trying to “help,” me, or maybe a combo of all of it. But I have known a form of darkness inside of me that wasn’t just sadness, but hatred and anger. I have known the most extreme of feelings in a negative range that it might surprise people. I understand how truly hard it can be just to keep going.

But that is the best thing we can ever do for ourselves. Sometimes just riding that wave without emoting it outward on others (DO get it out via exercise, writing, something) and blaming them, screaming at them, yelling at them. Sometimes just riding that wave of crying and dissolving into the sadness works.

Just keep going.

I wish I could give a huge epiphany that really is like BOOM she has HEALED me. I can’t. Nobody can. We didn’t get to that place overnight. It snuck up on us in those little moments. It’s little moments though that will get us back through it. Baby steps.

Just keep going.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 68,986 words

Current word count as of today – 68,986 words

Total words written since last post – 666 words


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What do they really want?

Note – I have been working on this over the past few days because part of me is fully aware that I may face attacks. I did when I voiced an opinion recently. They said to me that I would be very easy to find – a personal threat. They also called me a name I won’t repeat here. I had people tell me my dogs should be taken away. For no other reason than to shut my voice down. Darkness. It’s just darkness. I have also found the past few days that my computer has been acting up and I am being pulled constantly away. I don’t doubt the reasons why. I will still share this as it applies to this entire year and even the past few years, not just now.

We live in this time where they say silence is agreement/consent (horrible to pass around). Where they say if you don’t speak up, then you are part of the problem. On and on it goes. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it. You’ve dealt with it if you don’t go with “group” thoughts (aka the mob), I’ve dealt with it.

That only applies if you think like the main group, don’t question, and don’t think for yourself. There are always the default insults too. They all use them. They’re all the same. Even some groups exist to purposely label someone a racist and get them fired from their jobs, or get their accounts taken down by YouTube or others.

As long as you agree with them, they are fine, and you are welcome. Disagree? Don’t find certain things justifiable? Have the audacity to disagree and not follow along like a sheep? See what is really happening and refuse to conform? You face constant screams, being attacked, shut down, told to sit down and shut up. Told to BE silent. Told you can’t have a voice. Told that you are this and that. Called names. Berated. Threatened with violence.

So it’s fine to speak up, and all . . . as long as you agree with the majority. As long as you go along with the mob mentality and don’t be an individual who can think and act for yourself. As long as you get sucked into that world and follow blindly.

Then they will turn around and once more and tell you to speak up or you are part of the problem. They will shame you. Unaware they are the problem they scream must be spoke out against. Unaware that they are doing to opposing voices what they scream they deal with, and why many finally have had enough and end up choosing silence. There is wisdom in silence. Being silent among the crowd of screams takes true courage and strength.

One of the biggest problems that I have with any form of that silence comment, more so the version of “silence is consent/agreement,” is that individuals fail to comprehend the potential issues that arise from passing that around. The emotional turmoil that they can send a person down. If someone has been abused, raped, or faced any semblance of that, they may not have had the chance to speak up, fear speaking up because they know they risk their lives and those around them, or any multitude of reasons.

It’s a version of shaming people yet again that I struggle to ever get behind. Our words are beyond powerful. Before we speak them (and I by no means am a perfect saint with them either, as I am learning alongside the rest of you), it’s important to step back and truly assess where they come from, whether or not they are our truth to be spoken, or if we are being guided to from sources that mean us or others harm. If we’re supposed to be saying them aloud. If they will help, or if they will hurt.

Far too many rush to get those words out and they come purely out of that reactive energy. It’s beyond important in times like these to take a step back if we do feel that sort of lightning energy screaming through us, and breathe. Come back to a calmer place inside, then decide whether it is even worth opening our mouths about. Is that audience listening, or are they focused on simply waiting to then misinterpret and attack? Because so often the only thing that we do then is continue that reactive energy. I think lightning is a great way to describe it too. Because we feel prickly. I don’t remember where I shared it or I would link the blog, but I believe I even mentioned that reactive energy before. It doesn’t draw people in. It doesn’t help them hear our words. It simply causes that divide to grow.

The victims have now become the abuser. Eventually the cycle will turn on those very same folk who believe they are the victor and they will then become victim once more when they learn to have their own individual voice and see the truth. On and on it will go. History has shown this. History has continued to show this. History will continue to show this.

People will want to say, “so we are to give up?!”

No. DO better. BE better. Focus on the inside. Not the outside. Fix what is wrong in your own world before you attempt to fix another’s house. Because if your life is falling apart, how in the heck do you think you will ever be able to help another? We have to focus on healing that inner wound on our own and not look to outside sources to tell us how. What works for me? May not work for you. And the reverse is true as well. The rage will destroy you. The anger at the world will continue to victimize you. There is no real power in screaming and raging at the world. Because as long as you scream at another, you cannot connect to them. You are separate just as they want. As long as you shut down those who disagree, you will never hear another side of the story, you will never grow, you will stop evolving. We cannot come together when we are all pushing each other away.

Vulnerability isn’t easy at all. Not in any way shape or form. As of last night I was open in a way that I have never been open with anyone. Do you think that it was easy for me? Do you think I felt strong and powerful while I was crying and showing my real raw self to Colin in a way that I have never done with anyone? Absolutely not. I felt like an idiot. There is growth in it. There is reward in it. There is connection and deepening our bond in that. It’s being strong enough to live from the heart and work with love, versus the hate that they want us to live in.

Been there. Learned the hard way.

Until we are open to listening and hearing, we will never properly communicate. Until we ask questions and learn, we will never be able to evolve and do better than before. Until we break open that shell that surrounds the heart, we will never be able to embrace the us we are meant to be. Not just for us, not just for the relationships we have, the people in our lives, but for this world.

As long as we remain angry and mad, we are able to be controlled, we are disconnected, separate. We are so lost in the emotional turmoil that we can’t see a way out. We can’t find our way out. We will be lost in “I can’t do it!” Instead of, “I got this.” Reactive versus calm.

If you are someone who has faced that, and you still remain kind and capable of communicating to others your needs and having discussions on how to proceed and become better, I salute you. You are a rarity in a world that wants us all to conform. Conformists follow the herd. They don’t want to do better, they don’t want to change. They want direction. They want someone to tell them how to proceed, what to think, how to be so that they do not have to think for themselves. That is the ones who remain controllable and are fed from.

I had the image enter my head just now of our energy flowing outward and being fed from, versus us reeling it back in, and using it in constructive and powerful ways.

So if you are an individual who works daily on being better than you were the day before? Good for you. I am proud of you. If you are capable of having discussions and not berating another because they don’t share your lifestyle or viewpoint. Good for you. I applaud you. Being able to see that takes strength in itself as well.

You need to pat yourself on the back. Because you are truly unique.

I even said something yesterday that basically sums this whole thing up so I will use it as a quote to end this. It was on a post on Gigi Young’s Facebook page. Also I highly suggest checking her out on YouTube if you haven’t. I believe I’ve shared her YouTube before, but in case you want to check her out – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo_fdaL6nGtL3fjyP8NsNaw

So I end with this –

“Become constructive, not destructive.”


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 67,789 words

Current word count as of today – 68,986 words

Total words written since last post – 1,197 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Why them?

Why choose a partner? Why choose that particular individual as a partner?

Goes along with the theme of relationships in my head as of late. This is a question though that I’ve been focused on for a while, but I wanna say it was around late last year that I really started to put it in the back of my mind to percolate. I’ve written a post on here before about asking ourselves why we want a partner, after hearing whatever it was that inspired the thought. I don’t remember what it was. I think it was listening to someone on YouTube. I’m sure I mentioned it on the post – What do you want out of a relationship? A great question I heard recently. I’ma peruse it and confirm before I go on.

Yeah, no I didn’t link the video. I linked a post so I don’t remember what I watched. I remember it SORT of in my head, the guy’s face a wee lil bit, but can’t remember specifically or I’d search and link here. I was bad about that. I can’t believe it was in 2017 I wrote that. Feels like just last year. lol

A lot of what I will state here will have already been mentioned in that blog so you can read that one too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why we choose certain people, or why we should. The biggest thing for me, I’ve already mentioned in that previous blog a few years ago. I want someone I can grow with. Who can help me grow. Who I can help become a better person and the reverse too. Someone I can grow a deep love with. Not just a partner who I’d immediately love and that passion would die, but that individual who I could grow that deep passionate love with. Something that, as I’ve always known and stated, one can only truly grow with a best friend. Where they can state to one another, whatever happens between us, we will get through it together because we are in this together. 

Now for the record, this is my own perception and belief. Perhaps to you it means that passion is ignited from the start and it only grows. From personal experience, from many stories, from reading and listening to others discuss those things, I personally don’t think that sort of passion can remain long term. I’m not one of those people who want a quick passionate affair. I never have. My heart goes too deep, the feelings too strong, and they grow. So typically if I have encountered someone who did that to me, I pulled back and waited. Most don’t want to grow with us. They’re like, “you’re so freakin awesome!!!” and then two months later *crickets.*

I think they just get into that mode of loving the “new” and the “pretty,” but don’t ever want to truly know a person. I had someone tell me he did. He wanted to know everything and anything and I thought wow, someone actually does. But . . . he didn’t want to grow with me. He wanted to interview me and then once the new wore off, and the deep dive began? *crickets*

Totally snorted when I said deep dive. Colin is a diver. As in, diver diver. lol Didn’t plan to correlate the two.

Moving on.

The thing with that though, is that if you are like me and you seek depth. You seek that intimacy that only true love and best friends have? The failure rate is going to be beyond high. That is a hard lesson I have learned through the years, and they were only friends mind you. I don’t go the relationship route. Until a person shows me as a friend that they’re gonna stick around, I never take it to that next level. Too old-fashioned that way.

But it is not going to be easy because not only do we attract many who think they want that depth, and that level of intimacy, but until they begin to reach that precipice? They won’t truly get it. They won’t know until they know that they can’t go there with you. It will hurt. It will be hard to see that and to let them go. It takes patience and courage to not just take your time to build that foundation for the growth, but also on our own personal part to open up to it.

Now I do plan to correlate this to Julian and Kat since she came to mind just now. Letting me know they relate. Kat and Julian could be the precise example of this topic too. They both craved a partner who they could grow with, but they didn’t just crave it – they needed it. But Kat didn’t realize that she struggled with letting people in. Julian has always known that for him? It’s all or nothing. Not just all as in, sure here’s a bit of me, but I mean ALL. I mean they say they own one another so there’s that. This is a man who has been around a long time. This is a man who has been a monster. Who has done bad things. Who has survived wars. Literal wars. He has had to take on other monsters, companies, humans, and do everything in his power to survive, and help his kind survive.

He is a leader. Leaders do not always find partners (romantic or otherwise) who truly understand that there comes a great responsibility with their position, and danger with being connected to them. Sometimes to the point that they need to sacrifice a lot to make the big decisions. Few can handle what that entails. It’s not easy. It’s not easy to be put into that sort of leadership role. Think of our current President. Think of the way those who love him, do. Those who hate him, do. Think of what he wakes up every day to deal with. Think of what he has to deal with. Think of what his family has to deal with (more so the ones who didn’t ask for the focus, and aren’t IN the focus daily) or his partner. (I’m not making this a personal thing, it could be a past President if you like.)

Julian is not an easy man to love because of it, but he also has a limit to what he can give unless his partner is one hundred percent in. And in to the death. In to the point that they can know absolutely everything about his life, who he is, and more. It is not a man who just anyone can handle the demons of. So when he finally says, come on in? He goes into the hard core dangerously deep, there are zero secrets with him if you want to be with him. You are his and his alone. You confirm things with him to the point that I imagine at times KAt feels she lives in a cage. But for her, because she is the one meant to be with him?

Her fears came from understanding of that. Seeking of that. Because for her, it is comforting. For her, it wasn’t about “ew he is totally controlling me,” as much as, “what if he goes that route and then leaves me?” Because imagine the style of connection there is between them. There are no walls. No secrets. No matter how much she may try to do that, eventually the information comes. She tries to lie to Julian, but ends up blurting it all to him. Because that was the partner for her. She was the partner for him. They became better around one another. The best versions of themselves came out. Once she let him in. For the first part of the series we see only her refusing to drop those walls and still hoping she could fight him.

Until Julian in the last book (The Final Chapter) finally grabs her, sticks her in his home with him, and says I know you want this, I know this is meant to be, you are not going anywhere until you see that. Well, he didn’t SAY it. It was his actions. Telling her again and again that he wasn’t going anywhere. Telling her they were going to be mates. Period. Those were his words. I don’t think if any part of him sensed she didn’t truly want it, he would’ve gone as hard core though. He knew she wanted that. She was just scared because she knew when she dropped those walls toward him? There’d be nobody but Julian until they died and she’d never had that. But Kat didn’t have an easy life so she needed that almost hard core love that Julian knew how to give her. That straight up – you are mine, I won’t allow anyone else to have you.

What he really gave her is what I think we all love. Stability. Security. Safety. Just a lil different in that world.

Let’s bring it back to humans and away from the level of intensity of those two vampires, lol.

I do so love their depth (and Julian) though, lol. I realized a GREAT Julian inspiration could be Justin Theroux. Hiya Justin, lol. Ahem. Where was I?

Why should we choose a partner? That’s been an almost clinical aspect I look at when I am around people. Not just for romantic aspects either. I shouldn’t say choose. I should say choose to get closer to. Because I’m not sure anyone can choose who they love. I know that we can sort of have feelings for someone and then they grow through knowing the person, being around them, that sort of thing. But outright not having any toward a person and then they grow? I have never personally experienced that. Usually the most mine grow to is an apathy. I just meh. lol I get to that place I can tolerate them, but they trickle out of my life and I don’t force them to stay.

I do look at the way a person is and whether they fit well with me though, and the reverse. We can’t change people. This is something I’ve probably mentioned forever. I look at a person and determine if they are a person I like. I don’t just think, “well, once they learn this or change that.” No. Take them in. Now. As they are. Do you like them? Do you not like certain aspects? Great. Now, can you live with them AS they are? That is how we should determine.

There are plenty of things that drive Jeanie batty about me I’m sure. Plenty that I don’t entirely agree with or otherwise with her. I still love and adore her exactly as she is. That is exactly why I do. We are not carbon copies. She can teach me things, I can teach her things. We work because of our differences and our similarities. Whether she ever becomes better, worse, or never changes. The person she is? I love so so freaking much. Because who she is at the core is who she will remain. Outside and inside changes. But the core of a person never does.

I will never entirely be able to rid myself of the lack of patience I sometimes have and frustration blows. I learn to better handle it so I’m not yelling at people and I’m more understanding of my own feelings, but I have had that trigger in me as long as I can remember. It’s how I HANDLE it that can change. I also absolutely HATE people who hurt children or animals. I grow tired of lazy folks. I will always choose to be kind and nice over hateful and mean. I default to saying okay and letting things go versus fighting and creating more stress in me or others around me.

I also choose to always try to have a large goal to constantly be working toward. So I like people around me who don’t just allow life to pass them by and never strive even to learn something new each day. Or sit around and complain about their weight when they could literally walk back and forth down the hall in their house for a workout, or something else short of them being a vegetable. So I could never have a partner who is content in putting others down and never striving to be better in any way. I could never tolerate someone on a long term basis who has no hopes of achieving anything.

My big goal is always to become a better storyteller, and even better cover designer because that also something I love doing. It’s a never achievable goal so that I will always have that. Those are those things that are important to me and in my world. Just like growing passion for my partner. I don’t mean I lust after him 24/7, lol. I mean that we are never content in going twenty years without something as simple as a hug. That our friendship and connection is always important for us to take care of and nurture. That we’re not like, “well I don’t know how to make it better so whatever.” No. That’s not passion whatsoever. That’s boredom and settling. I won’t have a partner just so I’m not alone. That’s not in me to choose. I will never just choose because, “well you’re there”

I’ve had that option. I’ve had MANY different options. Even had someone say they would leave their wife for me. Don’t get me started on that, you will see the temper. I will choose the partner I can grow with. The one who will be able to sit in the mud with me, and isn’t afraid to let me sit in it with him. The one who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with me. The one I can grow a life with, grow a connection, nurture a connection. Love is beyond important. As is attraction. More so is who they are as a human being. Not what they can con me into believing. Because time and patience are all we ever need to see who a person is. Many won’t give time and patience. They’re in such a rush these days. I only ever wanna ask them . . . why? If you want to build a life with a person, today is that day. Start building it. Rushing into something isn’t the attributes of a person who wants to build. They’re the one who wanna get rich quick, and will fail over time to build anything. That house of cards will topple at the slightest bit of conflict.

I don’t mind conflict. I’ve been clawing my way out of it since I was born. Been overcoming hard times. Been working my way up. Every time I fall, I grab that ladder and begin again. Close friends have always generally been that too for me. Everyone who has ever helped me I still hold in the highest esteem. I am grateful even to the ones who hurt me. I wouldn’t BE here if they’d hadn’t taught me those lessons.

So that’s why I don’t search for perfection. For richest. For sexiest. But for normal. I love normal. I love the people around me who are okay with ME not being perfect and who can teach me that I am still beautiful when I have only had a few hours of sleep, don’t got makeup on, have had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. When someone can say I’m beautiful in that moment? That’s the person I like. It’s the person I love. The one who knows human beings are sometimes not perfect and that’s okay. That below it all, that person is generous, and open, and loving. They know we don’t need to be fixed to be loved. They are a person one can grow with. It’s not about what a person looks like. It’s about what they do for our soul. Soul growth.

Random side note – I’m not saying someone who lives on the street can be a good partner, but at the same time depending on the person? Who says they can’t? Who says they wouldn’t wanna do better for the person they love? I mean they could be pretending to be that poor to see who truly wants them too so there’s that. lol Point being, there are exceptions as usual. Don’t wanna be all “only this!”

It’s something that when I think about it? All of my characters also have. At least the leads. Maybe the supporting too. They grow. The partners they end up with? Are people who have also overcome quite a lot and continue to strive to be a better person than they were. Maybe it’s why I gravitate toward characters like that in my work. I like to surround myself with people like that because then those same people I can learn from. What a boring live it would be to be content in never trying to be better than we were. Yes, for some that sort of life work. For me, not so much. For my characters? Not really either.

Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s a good thing.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 66,260 words

Current word count as of today – 67,789 words

Total words written since last post – 1,529 words


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Quiet somber day

Just feels like it, doesn’t it? All the posts honoring the fallen and showing gratitude for them, for their families, all of it. It’s been nice to see the quiet reflective atmosphere halt all the rest for a minute. I haven’t lost anyone who was in the military close to me, but it does usually bring up thoughts of my father since he was in the military, and I lost him. (Two separate things.) I sometimes think about if he had died in war, or while serving in general, how I’d feel on this day. Would I want the world to continuously focus on his loss that way? What if I lost him on this day and it had nothing to do with that?

So I never really know how to handle it for others and just try to treat it like any other day. It’s how it is when I near my father’s passing. For some I think perhaps they’re more like my mother and want that reflection and attention on the loss day. For others I think they’re more like my brother and I. We don’t crave that oh hey, this happened to you today, right? Same with the families of 9/11. My father passed just a few weeks prior to that so when they world reflects on that, I go into this place inside thinking how the world is reflective of that, but I lost my father around that time too and he doesn’t get that sort of honor and reflection. Not to take away from those families like my loss is greater, or theirs is, I mean it in that I consider all those like me who also have lost family around now.

While the world reflects on specific groups, it leaves out those who also have lost at that time. They’re just as important. All loss of life is a big deal, even the loss of a pet. That one alone can tear me in half for months. I remember a few years ago when I lost 4 pets in one year. As soon as I began to feel as if I had solid ground under me and I could stop crying myself to sleep, I lost another pet. I lost a lot.

So I think at times like these that it is also important to remember that 1 – there are people out there who may not enjoy that reminder of the loss. And 2 – there are others who have lost family on this day that aren’t being honored. I find myself often doing that these days. Reflecting on the viewpoint of the others around me. Reflecting is in my nature I suppose. Seeing whatever it is through the lens of the opposing side. Even if that brings up a ton of different ways of looking at it.

If I’m saying something, or having a conversation with someone, I think about how my words are affecting their feelings. I try to consider how things I say or do, will reflect to them. If they tell me something, I consider what they’re telling me and think about how it must feels for them. I try to I put myself in the shoes of others a lot more often. Like if I say I need someone to do something for me, I would consider beforehand how hard it would be for them, or what I’m asking of them. I would think about what position I’m putting them in. I find myself reflective of that a lot. Not that I haven’t always been, it just seems to be heightened lately.

But then it could have to do with opening up more over the weekend. I’m usually an open book (I respect boundaries and privacy so keep that in mind when I say “open”) so it’s not that I’m not used to being open, but yeah I went a bit deeper than I have in a while. Triggered myself to have an anxiety attack in the middle of the night, but instead of judging myself and seeing it as wrong, I now see it as a barometer. It tells me how I’m doing overall in terms of all the healing I’ve been doing. It tells me when I may need to just take a little extra break to relax (I did). It tells me that I’m making a breakthrough.

That last one someone may have gone, whu? It does. I didn’t have it while in the moment. It just came out of nowhere, like oh my gawd I said that?! Even had I had it in the moment, I’m starting to learn that it’s not a bad thing. You have had them, I have had them, the other person has had them. It’s a natural occurrence in the brain. Chemicals, brain chemistry, etc. Personally speaking, I have experienced so much trauma in my life that it’s difficult to turn that around. Most people (we’ll say the normal brain) will see situations as one thing. A trauma brain sees it with different feelings and eyes.

Take a person who has been in the midst of war and then sent home. Do you think one dog barking is going to sound the same to you and me as it does them? Especially if they didn’t realize that one sound could trigger them? Extreme example, but it could be as simple as living in the city then country, or reverse. If I was used to one noise in the country/city, and I heard it in the other area, it’s going to mean something different. Or, here is another. I have lived in an area (I haven’t, this is just an example) where lions are a daily threat. I hear them at night. I fear them all day. I move and go to a zoo where I hear a lion roar. What do you think I’d feel?

The traumatized brain will hear and see danger. The one who has lived among lions who weren’t a threat, will simply enjoy the sound of a lion and it will be pleasant, or not even mean a thing.

That’s how the trauma brain works. Humans are a threat to my brain. (This is me now, lol.) Stick me in a room with people, I may not have any reaction whatsoever. Stick me in a room with a man who holds interest in me, my body will seize up if I sense aggression in any way. I can KNOW he won’t hurt me, but knowing and the brain’s training, are two different things. Reality has proved otherwise. Facts have shown different. I can train my brain over and over and over to see said man in example a different way. So then I can be in the room with him and be fine. Over time, with practice. With training.

Stick me in another room with another man who just so happens to look like something I have experienced in a bad way, repeat the scenario. Because my brain was trained for one thing, and healed with another, but not that one trigger.

Told you the brain fascinates me, lol. Probably a huge reason why I can be so forgiving of your issues, of your problems, of those around me. I GET it. I get trauma. I get human issues. I get being REtraumatized by a whole new set of issues to work through. My entire life I have been clawing my way out of the mud and buried all over again every few years. I’m only finally (I hope) learning the tools to keep my butt outta that freakin mud, but we never know. Goes back to the hero journey. Not all of us are meant to have it easy. I can’t help others through their pain as I’ve also been doing without understanding it firsthand. Goes back to the people who use tasers for work as my brother went through. He had to be hit with one to understand it, then allowed to use it. They do it in a safe environment, but I see the point of those exercises. So the user understands what they’re using on another.

So when I touch on certain subjects as I open up and heal, I don’t judge and smack myself about for potentially getting anxiety anymore, or having those moments. Sometimes we have to have a lil crazy moment to heal, to deepen a bond, to further strengthen ourselves.

It’s that point of pushing out of the comfort zone (I do that freakin every day with friends, my books, and this blog, lol) and into the “growth” stage (which is slightly freaky most days), but not so far past we hit the panic zone. I’ve hit the panic zone too much over the years and now I see why I was thrown back deep inside of myself. The people I tried to involve myself with didn’t listen, didn’t hear me for what I needed, so when I came out of the comfort zone and into the discomfort/growth” zone, they sent me into the panic and reeling back into must reheal, stay in shell mode.

For a long time it was hard. I kept blaming myself. Why do I attract this? Am I ever going to get better? What is wrong with me? Will I ever find love? Friends? A normal, calm life? That was probably one of the hardest parts of it for me. I’d gotten to the point I accepted that my struggle may be too hard for people around me so I wouldn’t have close friends. Now I’ve been getting to the point that I understand and accept that part, but also know I deserve people who can. Jeanie has shown me over the years that yes, someone can hear your story, and be there in it with you. They won’t abandon you. They won’t tell you, “it’s too hard,” and selfishly leave you in the mud while you’re sitting there crying and climbing out. They’ll sit on the mud bank and support you knowing you can pull yourself out, but if you need them to offer a boost, they’ll give it however you need. Healthy. A lot of it I know comes from having learned to figure out what it is I do need.

We can’t expect people to mind read. We can’t expect them to just generously give and it be right. They have to know how. We need to figure it out for ourselves, then give them the tools to help us help ourselves, and not cross into the “you fix me,” territory. Mine was never that. Mine was always “I can do it myself,” because I have been. I got used to taking care of myself so stopped bothering to ask for anything, or “need,” because we’re taught “need,” is bad. But it’s not. We all need people, things, stuff. So maybe that’s also been the difference. That probably has been a huge part of it. I have learned through the years and with Jeanie’s help, but mostly going within and trying to figure it out for myself, what it is I need, and then SAYING it.

As I told Colin the other night, that was what I was truly sorry for. I didn’t know how to communicate what I needed, and when he triggered me when we first got to know one another, I went into fight or flight mode. Oh speaking of. I watched this over the weekend. It’s another step in there that I have also dealt with. Very important to share. The freeze mode. I won’t delve into that, but still I will share the video right now.

What I needed to learn most was the communication factor. I’ve stifled it for years because when you’re physically abused as a child for opening your mouth, it becomes beyond difficult as an adult to open your mouth and speak. Goes to that video above. I’d also been surrounded by those strong personalities and as a quiet and sweet girl, you can imagine they overpowered me. It was hard even among friends to SPEAK up for what I wanted, and needed. I’m pretty amiable and go along with most people because I am not that hard to please so it wasn’t always like that.

(Sidenote – Again, when I speak of these people as I have mentioned before, most were not BAD people, I don’t speak ill. I could speak kind words about anyone who hurt me. But I also won’t hide from speaking about the ones who did hurt me even if not intentionally. And not all were “bad.” A lot more to unpack, but I think you get the point. I also had a couple wonderful friends in there.)

But when I did disagree it was immediate shut down. As an adult I have finally been learning to speak up. Which has been a huge help for me. No, that doesn’t mean, “you a-hole!” kinda of talking. I’m talking about using my words. “I feel ___ when you ___ because ____.” Good old vulnerable openness. lol Or, “I need ____”

Leaving it at that. Be direct, but vulnerable. Good way to say it. Be open and authentic. You first, not blame them first. It may feel weak, but it’s strength. Strong people are courageous and open about their feelings. I may not feel strong when I write blogs like these, but it’s not easy either. It’s not easy for me to be open. It’s not easy for me to communicate needs and wants. It’s not easy for me to even say I love you to people, knowing that I am risking a lot. I have been trained that love is pain. So for me, I am taking years of abuse and pain, and risking more when I tell someone I love them. I am taking a huge chance when I open up to anyone.

Some are worth it. You get a sense though on how to feel people out. I am hyper aware of people and their energy whether online or dealing with them face to face. I think most trauma victims can do that. I’m sure you can. We want to pretend that it’s not true in this society. We want to try to say, “oh that’s not real,” but here’s what I’ve learned. It’s real? If you are. Far too many try to be someone they aren’t. They hide themselves. Think of the people you may meet at the bar. The guy is great for a year until he gets a ring on that finger. Then suddenly? Ya find the dead body in the basement. What? Writer. lol My brain took me down that guy with the temper to a serial killer, then merged, haha.

We never know who we are dealing with. The people who abused me come across as the most amazing people on earth. They hide the bad stuff. I tell you my bad stuff, haha. There is perfect, then there is “this seems too perfect,” and they hide the bad. As I have learned through (and take this from someone who has mostly only known the bad for most of her life) much self reflection, much reflection in general, I do believe in the good of people. I remember Dennis Prager saying that he wonders if Anne Frank as an adult would have had the same sentiment that she had as a child. That people are basically good.

I have seen the bad in the world. I have seen the good in the world. I have had someone throw me down as a child and choke me until I couldn’t breathe, just because I interrupted the TV show they were watching. I have had someone tell me they loved me then slapped me in the next minute. People are not perfect. Nobody is only good, or only bad. I am cerainly not without my own faults. I am certainly not always a good patient and kind person. I learn, I grow, I apologize. People do the best they can.

And I still believe most people are good and kind individuals. As I reflect on that a lot, in my painful moments I may argue that. When I’ve been hurt, I may want the world to burn in hell. But overall, I do still see people as nothing more than humans doing the best they can, and that the majority of them are decent, kind, individuals. I give anyone a chance. I trust my heart (after struggling sometimes to). I trust, period.

No matter how much bad we see in the world, the moment we stop taking that risk with people the bad side has won. Should we be careful? Absolutely. Don’t rush anything. Feel out, take time. But also don’t just automatically expect the worst. Gosh I have seen that so much with people. All I hear is I am too afraid to open up and POTENTIALLY get hurt.

Many today are having to reflect on those bad moments, but there are good too. There are lessons to learn in the bad moment. Gratitude that can be learned. I’ll just use my father so I don’t cross a line though I may have with someone already. With my father’s passing, I learned that if I want to express love, NOW is when to do it. And I’m tearing up. NOW is what matter. Today, right now. We have NOW. IF you love them, tell them. If you want to do something the world doesn’t consider normal, and you’re willing to take a risk? Do it. (With caution, lol.) But more so it’s the feelings for me. LOVE them. Now. SHOW them. Now. While you can. While they are there. Generously. Unconditionally. Even if they don’t offer it in return. Love them with everything inside of you and then some.

Nobody has that next breathe promised to them.

By the way – FINAL WEEK,

I still have my freebies up if you want to grab a copy of one of the books, or you have a friend who may like to check it out – Free until end of May If you’d like to, and still offer something, you’re welcome to donate a dollar or something to Patreon too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I just don’t have the personal energy, let alone time, to keep up with tiers so for now that is on hold. I do have a few things up on there though right now. I will have to update Patreon with the information too.

ALSO – there’s this


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 65,335 words

Current word count as of today – 66,260 words

Total words written since last post – 925 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Over the weekend

I’m probably gonna be reading this.

I’ve been wanting to get this book for a few months since hearing about these two, and having interest in learning about the Imago relationship idea. Here’s a good link to check out – https://imagorelationships.org/imago/safe-conversations/ Also because y’all know I love me some psychology. The human mind, what it is capable of, how it works, how it connects. All of it. I’m utterly fascinated by it. And learning anything and everything in general, lol.

Simplified, the idea is about the stuff that I’ve been discussing. Since I wasn’t taught (like many of us) the tools to properly form relationship with people (relationship = connection with people), how to properly communicate my needs and wants with others, and how to be in a healthy “we” (romantic relationship), I liked that idea. The information they discussed.

And being more interested in self-teaching, when I came across this information and the book, I put it in my Amazon cart for later. Thought this was a great time to finally grab it since it was on sale. It discusses how to form healthy relationships with our partner, or how to connect with them, why we chose them. I thought that it would have great information for general relationships with people too, not just our partner, or a romantic focus.

This is something, as I’ve mentioned, that I’m focusing a lot on. I began to focus on the idea of conscious relationships around last year? The end of it? Beginning of 2020? lol At SOME point within the past six months I was all, I want to really learn how to find that deep connection I’ve wanted. I want to learn how to be the best version of myself for whoever shows up in my life. I want to learn how to have that love that I know I can have – deep connection.

Because it was ME who always had the issue with commitment, not the people around me. Or better said, the men I attracted (the good ones) wanted a commitment and I ran from it, from myself. So in my life I experienced the exception to the rule situation in most cases. I didn’t see “men don’t want to commit.” I saw, “I will never get married, they need to stop,” in my world. That’s not to say it was always like that, and I don’t still hold those beliefs. But I do still see more men wanting commitment than most women realize. I don’t think the women who attract those men see it. I’m not going to go there in this blog. That’s a lot to unpack. I’ll just state that if you don’t think people want commitment, check in with you, first. I promise you. The majority of people do. That doesn’t mean all so nobody email me all angry – you know nothing! lol

Moving on.

It also helps my writing. Always that is a backbone for me. Part of it is always my characters. As I learn, as I help myself, I always can relate a lot of that to my characters as I have seen and experienced a lot of characters in my life. The cliches, the normal, the nutto, the everything. Few personalities I can think of that I haven’t encountered. Been around so many. It’s always been interesting that me keeping to myself, not trying to involve myself in lives, and everything, people have had such odd ideas about me. They have always been wrong. But eh. I think it’s something I will always deal with because I don’t live my life like the public, like the majority. Just who I am. I do things abnormally. I am abnormal. lol I am the wee lil black sheepie. haha

So you will most likely see a lot of that in these blogs. Also goes with situations I am currently dealing with, but as I learn, I’ll share what I learn. How it impacts me. How it impacts my life, but I thought I would mention it in case you’d like to check it out. I read reviews, but eh. I don’t go by reviews unless 99% are like DO NOT BUY. lol

I won’t share because I’m an expert on it. I’ll share because I come from a background where I have never really even been taught how to have my own life. How to BE a typical human being. Every time that I tried, the rug was yanked out from beneath me. Then I had to fight to get back up, start over. I would try again and life would knock me down much harder. So expert? No. Hardly. I learn from you. I learn from my friends. I learn from everyone else. I am no expert, but if I can help just that one person who has stumbled through life as I have, who has struggled and fought just to be able to get out of bed without crying every day as I used to? I’ll be happy.

Far too many have seen “happy bubbly Kim,” and don’t realize that she has spent much of her life in tears. She has been fighting for her life since she was born. She’s not brave. She’s not courageous. She’s just never given up. Deep inside I see the future I want. More so now. More so as of late. It’s a different life than I’ve led. I’ve done the fear thing. I’ve done the exhausted daily route. I’ve done the daddy’s girl route too. We create our lives right this minute. We create our futures we’re going to be stepping into right this minute. We may fall backward. We may struggle to get out of bed and not hold a belief that we have a future.

But we do. Every second of the day given to us, we have that option to change what comes. By consuming even one article (even this blog), we have redirected our path. What we see daily. That diet in our minds. That too changes our direction. Every second changes our path. The destination changes.

So by reading stuff like this book, I show life the direction I want to head. Not a gutter. Not a black hole. I choose a direction focused more on connection, on love, and on healthy things.

And yes I’m fully cognizant that I have gone there. lol I have gone into the realm of gushy girl who lives among rainbows and unicorns as someone said thinking they were putting me down. I just laughed. Then you go live in your darkness and tell me in five years what you’re up to. Five years ago? I was crying my butt off. I’m smiling quite a bit these days. So which is better? Not up to me. That’s up to each of us. I like the place I’m in. It’s not utopia, but it’s a good place. I like it.


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Just feel irritated today

[Written yesterday]

I don’t even know why. I was telling Colin this morning that I am irritated and just feel “off.” After yoga, I kept trying to unpack it and determine the why. I came up with a few reasons, but none that have that little aha! moment inside.

I was considering that it may have to do with what is coming up with my writing. The scene that I mentioned yesterday. I might be picking up on some stuff those closest to me are dealing with because that’s how deeply I connect with them. None of those really give me that . . . that’s it! feeling though. So I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just feeling what others are in the world. Maybe it’s hormones. Just feeling irritated today so I’ve been doing things a little more that relax me and help it to not grow.

Mila isn’t helping it at all. She is super whiny today so maybe she too is feeling it. Mila = my Doberman for those who are new to this blog/site, lol. She, like her mother, is very empathic. It’s why I’ve learned to live a more peaceful and calm life. Otherwise I’m a sponge for all the activity and it makes me physically ill to be in that go go go go go state. I prefer peace, calm, harmony. I am a homebody.

Anyone who knows Dobermans know how sensitive and in tune with energy they can be. My mom has experienced it. She has gotten wound up and had trouble with Mila invading her personal space to remove the object that she deemed to be upsetting her grandma – the phone in gramma’s hand. When it’s really the customer service representative she’s dealing with.

I don’t allow it, but I’m not in the room 24/7 to stop it so my mother has learned that unless she finds a way to manage her upset, she will have a 70 lbs animal trying to remove the phone if gramma gets too excited. No matter how many times she tells Mila not to. As I’ve explained. “You are getting upset. Her entire role is to protect you from whatever is upsetting you.” So the easiest fix is just to keep that in mind and not raise her voice on the phone. I’m not training it out of Mila. There are plenty of things that I want Mila to listen to so for that, I let it go. She doesn’t bother my mother if she’s talking on the phone in general. It’s when she gets angry and her anxiety level raises. Then Mila tries to intervene. Choose the battles and all for me regarding it.

As I say it though, I can see people thinking it’s wrong, which I understand. But it goes back to when I say something, I want Mila to listen. When I want to train her to do something, I want her to be willing. I’m not going to be a dictator for minor things like that when it’s what I want her to do. Protect us from things that feel off, or upset us. I can’t say don’t do this one, but this one yes do that one. It’s too much stress on her, and it’s beneficial to my mom anyway.

The other side of it is that it teaches my mom to balance her emotional state. I have seen Mila helping her that way. Mila has helped me in that way. I have learned that if I start to get upset over something, Mila will be right there. In an almost obnoxious way, lol. She works as a personal remind for me. So instead of worrying over it, I simply have learned to state the truth to my mom. If you want the good version of her, learn to manage those things. If you get upset all the time, Mila is not gonna be a good dog to be around. She will feed off of it, then pick at the other dogs, and it will spiral. Learn to balance yourself out (as I have been over the years myself, and not just for Mila) and it’s gonna give you the best dog on earth. She is.

Going back to that balancing of emotions statement, I think it’s good for all of us. Learning to be in control of our emotional state and identifying our feelings benefits us. Benefits those around us. Like what I started this with. Just identifying that I am feeling irritated and giving voice to it takes some of the power away from the feeling. I can still get irritated at things, I can still feel it. We are allowed to feel what we feel. That doesn’t mean allow it to fester and grow, or put it on others. If I hid that feeling, it would grow. It would become more. I don’t want anyone to fix it when I mention it. And thankfully with Colin and Jeanie, they know that. I am beyond grateful to them for that, and love them to pieces for it. For trusting me to know how to fix my own self. Anyone close to you should know that too. We don’t need to be fixed. It’s okay for us to feel what we feel.

By identifying our feelings and emotional state, by “using our words,” and just simply stating the feeling, it helps to put us in a better mood. And far far sooner. We learn the control, we learn the release. We become calmer inside. It’s a good thing. For us, for those around us, for the world. If something upsets us, having learned to identify the emotion and even if we can identify the cause then the mood tends to also go away sooner. That’s something I’ve been learning. To unpack it. To understand the emotion. To understand what caused it. To understand the why. To specifically identify the exact emotion.

I see far too much of that online. I’m sure you do too. So many people are pretending to be upset, they are blaming outside sources, but we are the ones in charge of our emotional state. We can’t go around screaming it’s your fault! You did this to me! It’s because of this you did and that you did. As in, “you’re a bad person for making me feeling how I feel. My feelings are your responsibility. You control how I feel. You forced me to feel this way intentionally.” I mean that’s how it makes them feel. How it sounds.

Many times ( there are exceptions, and this isn’t always the case ) what we feel from something can be a past wound. I suffer a lot of abandonment wounds. A lot of abuse, a lot of loss, a lot of people saying many wonderful things and the next day never hearing from them again. So abandonment wounds come up quite often. Sometimes I give voice to them, sometimes not. It just depends. I don’t always because I feel like sometimes talking about certain feelings too much can keep them around. If that makes sense. As if I’m hitting a pause on the healing. So even that I do sort of balance it out. Just because I feel it a lot, doesn’t mean I need to voice it a lot.

I totally just contradicted myself from the first part of this, lol. It’s an intuition inside of me. Sort of like if someone says a bad name to me. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me so this is just an example. But say I’m called a name all the time that I don’t like. Many times throughout the day from various sources. Now if I say every single time to someone that it hurts my feelings, consider your response. “Okay, I get it. You’re being a little too sensitive.”

It’s just an example, we might have a better response. Now consider the same scenario and I only mention once how I really don’t like when I’m called that name, and I move on. Sure, it might continue to hurt, but by not renewing the “I am hurt by that statement,” it does kind of remove the feelings that are being invoked. I’m no longer in that, “I am hurt,” mode, “I am a victim.” I don’t become I am hurt individual, I am victim individual. I have acknowledged that the statement hurts, and then I take back my own personal control over how it affects me ( and how I feel ) by not continuing to repeat that it hurts. It doesn’t become an affirmation to program my brain.

If I did happen to encounter that, I would go so far as to turn it into a joke because I have often found that will balance me out. We can all relate to name calling. We can all relate to feeling like a sh*t from being poked again and again. It’s certainly nothing to hide from. WE can forget in the moment that everyone has dealt with similar circumstances that’s why we can relate to that. So in a real life example of how I may personally handle a situation like that, I could probably say at the end of the day, “goodness this has been a hard day. That was not making me feel good.” Acknowledgement of feeling. Acceptance of how it made me feel. Expressing myself using my words. Kinda has a playful tone ( hopefully it reads a lil playfully ).

Not continuing to say it throughout the day so that I become it. As much as we need to use our words and express how we feel ( maybe why we feel the way we feel ), I don’t feel it’s good to continue to live inside of our feelings. It’s no more of a balanced state than swallowing them and letting them fester. Everything in balance. Everything in moderation. Too much inside the feelings isn’t any better than swallowing. Too much living inside the “I am ___” isn’t any better than, “I don’t feel anything!”

Major legal disclaimer. I am not a doctor, I don’t claim to be one. This is not medical advice. I don’t claim to be an expert. If you need medical advice, seek a medical professional. Or, a veterinarian if it’s for pets. Everything expressed anywhere on this blog (site, really) is truly only factual when it comes to my books, but even that shifts with time as some books get edited, then those “facts,” can become opinions on my own work. Technically. So these are strictly my views, opinions, and I don’t demand anyone to take them on, or anything. I truly hope that comes across. This is just another opinion, stated in my own way. As my blogs always are. Maybe it allows you a new way to look at things, maybe not. Maybe it helps you understand me more, maybe it doesn’t. My grammar is likely total icky on these. They are unedited and unscripted. Not meant to be “perfect.”

I think it is also the fact that if something is hurting us and we continue to say it’s hurting us and repeatedly doing so, we do begin to almost expect an outside source to fix it. That’s what I would feel if I were in their shoes. “Okay, so you keep telling me. Either stop letting it get to you, or what. What do you want me to do to fix it? I can’t stop them from saying things, nor can I stop you from not liking that term.” We creep into that “fix me!” territory.

So there is that point too. Nobody can make us feel a certain way, nobody has the answer to fix US, or know exactly what we need. IF they can help, be open. Tell them how. We are our solution. We are our answer. People love to help. It’s perfectly okay to lean on people. I have leaned on Jeanie. I have leaned on Colin. I have talked out things I’ve felt to them. All they had to do was listen, and that was all they did, and when they did I thanked them for it. I appreciate them. So yes, people can help in that way. It’s not okay to expect them to fix the pain you feel just so you don’t have to acknowledge it, and feel it. It’s not okay to expect them to save you from yourself. We are the only ones who can heal those things. ( Side note – has nothing to do with things we do need professional help for potentially. Though I do still believe more in self-healing so keep that in mind. )

I have recently learned a great word for that. Interdependence. It means that we are fine by ourselves, but we acknowledge that we are better with others. And we can enjoy that. Like a family unit. We don’t need the people to survive, but we do need them to amplify us and help us grow to become better through our connection with them. That specific individual. It acknowledges that person’s uniqueness too. I’m choosing to use need in both ways. I could even say, we don’t need them, but we need them, lol.

The person I heard discussing it was using the reference of the military ( he’s under Transformational Coaching on YouTube – I only recently found him, but he’s fabulous ) where they may heavily depend on one another, but at the same time they can depend on just themselves if that is needed. The way he said it was need and want. Don’t need another to survive, but we want them there to help us grow and become better. Sometimes it could be that we depend on a person for financial while they depend on us for emotional. Or vice versa, or equal. Equal dependence and yet not. A balancing out. I like using the two different ways we can see the word need. There is a negative version – If I don’t have you there, I will cease breathing. And a positive – If I don’t have you there, I can still breathe on my own, I just really want you there because I need the love we have together. I need the person you are. I need the love you offer. I guess in that way it could also be them versus us.

In the negative need it’s all about I, I, I. In the positive version of need, it’s about them them them. Or “us,” as in what we create together, between us. I’ll use Jeanie and Colin again. I can survive without them, but I need them because it’s their love I need. Their way to see the world. Them. Not just anyone can be them. So a them versus I. A unique love that we create between each of us. Not just anyone can fill that role. Their uniqueness is what I need. Positive/negative. Everything in life I bet could have a +/- attribute, lol. I’m going down that trail so I’ma stop myself, haha. I’d say you’re intelligent enough to get me point.

Far too long we’ve either been taught to stuff our emotions, or be an emotional wreck. We haven’t been given the tools we needed to manage those things. That is partly why I’m so open about this. I certainly haven’t had the tools to deal with my emotions so I’ve had to learn it. I still learn it. I will forever be learning it. I will also continue to be open about it. For you, for me. For the person out there who needs to read this and see they are not alone. Why should we? Because we become better people. For ourselves, first. Then for our family. For our partner. For our friends. For our pets, lol. For the world.

And who wouldn’t want that?

By the way,

I still have my freebies up if you want to grab a copy of one of the books, or you have a friend who may like to check it out – Free until end of May If you’d like to, and still offer something, you’re welcome to donate a dollar or something to Patreon too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I just don’t have the personal energy, let alone time, to keep up with tiers so for now that is on hold. I do have a few things up on there though right now. I will have to update Patreon with the information too.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 64,731 words

Current word count as of today – 65,335 words

Total words written since last post – 604 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Having to think about things

Today I reached a point in Creations of the Galaxy that my brain showed me some upcoming scenes and I had to pause. I had to pause because I saw a potential scene come to mind that I don’t like to write. I was jotting down notes for what may come for Prism, knowing that she is on a planet known for the worst of the worst. The trash of human life go there to be housed as a prisoner, or bounty hunters choose to live there why? Dunno.

Maybe because they know all that exists there is what they have to hunt so it’s possibly like a hunter always living near things to hunt. Practice. I get the idea that not all bounty hunters live there, but I know a few (I’ve written the characters) who have. I couldn’t tell you exactly why though. Your guess is as good as mine. In my head I get the impression that it was so they always remained good at their work. Or maybe they chose to be there because someone like that might find peace around monsters. They know what to expect? That sort of thing. Maybe they are a monster themselves, and they can’t live anywhere else.

Unless I really began to delve into the mindset of a particular one, I couldn’t tell you why they chose to live there. But, it is a planet where the worst of the worst live. It is where some are sent to die. If the planet doesn’t kill them, the people will, or the beings that exist on the planet to keep those said folks in line, and on the planet.

It is not a place one ever wants to go.

And Prism has just found herself there. Like you or I, she is . . . fairly normal in that way. She has no fighting skills. She is not an extraordinary being who can mind zap folks. She is just a woman like yourself or myself could be, who is normal. Every day human.

Imagine the scenarios that may come.

Imagine if you or I were thrown into a prison where the worst of the worst were housed. The serial killers, the serial rapists, the . . . yeah.

My brain took me on a path of a few different ideas that could come of her being there. I am not entirely sure yet why the people who took her left her there. To test skills they may think she has? (She has none.) To see what she does? To see if she survives? Or maybe just to “stash,” her if you will, and see if potentially she lives that long. That long being until they come and get her.

One idea that my brain took me down though was an area I don’t like to write. I don’t like dark horror of the rape variety. I love dark horror. Love horror. Love creepy. Don’t like gore for gore’s sake. Don’t like rape. At all. In any form.

That being said, I also don’t limit writing, or characters. I rarely encounter any semblance of outright rape in my books, but if it comes, I also can’t lie (lie = cut a scene/words/character because I don’t like it). If a story is going along and it happens, I will write it. It’s like I’ve mentioned with Dakota in Cessation and Mitosis. I find her absolutely crude, disgusting, and vulgar. I try to limit excess that she says or does if it doesn’t add to the character or scene, or the story, but I don’t cut just because. So obviously with a rape scene, we don’t need details to know what is happening, or happened. That I will try never to do I can promise you that. It’s like sex scenes. As much as I enjoy a good sex scene like anyone else, at the same time, I don’t like excess of that either. It does nothing for the story.

If it adds to the story, sure. If it truly shows something between the characters, sure. But if it’s just to throw sex into the book to throw sex in, nah. I’m just not gonna do so. I’ll politely close the door on the reader and say, they’d like their privacy, by slipping you into the next scene. I do have books like that (show the scene) so I don’t criticize writers for that. Like in the Dark Illusions series, especially when we get back to Kat and Julian in Fury of the Queen, there is an intense scene between them. Full on.

I mean hello. lol I didn’t remember said scene at all then I read it going . . . *looks around* I think I need a cold shower. lol

So sure, I have books I go into detail for that. Because with those two it truly shows the connection between them. There is a good reason for the scene itself. Not just us to see them in real action. More so because I came to see the reader needed to see them together. We see Kat with Sean, we see Kat with a lot of others. Some have critiqued her (in the beginning) for wanting others outside of Julian, but I actually can understand that better now. She never really let Julian in before. Then she finally dropped all the walls and there could be nobody else after. I know that feeling well. When the walls come down, nobody else can come in.

So in that story I knew . . . we all needed to see them together. We needed to see their power. We needed to see their chemistry. We needed to see what it was between them that was that powerful. Because we all see them throughout their story hinting at it.

We see it the way Kat caresses Julian’s face when she’s sitting on his lap. We see that passion and chemistry that lies between them when Julian adores her button nose turning up in defiance. But we don’t ever truly get to see them as a couple, and I wanted to show the passion and chemistry in live action. I knew we all needed that after everything else.

And to say that scene is powerful is not truly giving those two the justice they deserve. That is a scene where we see why they were meant to be together. We see what sort of love exists between the Queen and King of the Awakened. We see that love and passion we all yearn for (or adore if we have it). We see two who were meant to come together. Not just a sex scene though obviously if that’s where the reader wants to stay, that’s where they are welcome to stay – the shallow end.

But there is something far deeper in that scene. We see a total submission between two strong characters. We see a total commitment to one another that goes beyond death do they part. We see a loyalty and faithfulness, an openness and connection to one another where there are zero boundaries between their souls.

And THAT is what that sex scene gives to the reader who can go deeper and see it all.

So . . . there is a reason for the detailed sex scene. Not just, I need to get off.

That’s what I face with the potential scene that may be coming in Creations. No, I wouldn’t go into detail about it. That doesn’t mean that if the scene comes up, I can cut it just because it may cross a line for some readers and they won’t be able tot touch the book. I will give all the warnings I can (we’re pretending the scene was to come with this, but again not sure if it will).

That’s why I would try to limit as much as I could, but would still write it. Same as establishing Dakota’s character by allowing the words she uses to stay in her stories. As a writer, I have to write the story. That is my obligation. It’s not to freak a reader out, and I myself with my own history. I don’t like to read stuff like that, or write stuff like that, but there is that thin line. What to include, what not. It would be a detail in the story (again, IF it comes up) that would be pertinent to the importance and cruelty of that planet.

Not writing it would be like not writing a T-Rex into Jurassic Park just because it’s scary and some may get triggered by it because of a fear they have of T-Rex. There is a reason to include it. There is a reason that a scene like that should be in a story. Although maybe I should call it detail. Because it wouldn’t be a scene. It would be a detail in the scene itself. A detail that establishes the characters she is dealing with. A detail that establishes anything she may face later. A detail that shows the planet’s cruelty and what she goes through on it.

If it comes to what I saw in my head, it would be a detail to include because of who she’d be with, where she’d be kept, and to show what she’d been through. It’d be wrong for me to write that she were trapped in a cave alone with some creeper killer crazy man, and just say she was hurting and stuck in his bed. Limiting it that much to remove all details to appease a reader who has sensitives (just like me mind you) would do a disservice to the story. There is no scene there. We’d be looking at it going . . . so wait. He’s just keeping her? Beating her? What? What’s she going through? They having tea and cookies?

Being a writer means writing even the hard stuff and understanding that some readers may adamantly hate the book, me for including such a detail, or having people bypass the entire book for that one detail. I’m hoping it doesn’t actually come because that stuff is emotionally exhausting for me. I don’t like death scenes. I don’t like breaking up scenes cause I cry. I don’t like heart break scenes in general because I cry, lol.

I have become a big goobery baby, I admit that. If it’s touching to me in some way, I will tear up and potentially cry.

As rewarding as writing is, these are the scenes that I don’t like to face. So I am really hoping that it doesn’t come, but the more I think about it, and the characters that she may come across on that planet, the more likely it may happen. Prism isn’t a killer. She is just a girl thrown onto a terrible planet, weak, exhausted, and out of her comfort zone. Normally I don’t see the scene coming before it comes. Usually the more intense ones just hit the moment I’m writing them.

So now I’m gonna be thinking about this, and how to handle it right if it comes. I don’t purposely set out to hurt my characters like most, but I don’t set out to also save them from stuff just because it makes me uncomfortable. Or because a reader won’t like it.

By the way,

I still have my freebies up if you want to grab a copy of one of the books, or you have a friend who may like to check it out – Free until end of May If you’d like to, and still offer something, you’re welcome to donate a dollar or something to Patreon too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I just don’t have the personal energy, let alone time, to keep up with tiers so for now that is on hold. I do have a few things up on there though right now. I will have to update Patreon with the information too.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 63,800 words

Current word count as of today – 64,731 words

Total words written since last post – 931 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

THIS IS JUST FOR THE BOOK NEWS, NOT THE BLOG POSTS. BLOG SIGNUP IS NEXT ONE.

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Feels kinda like I’m disconnected

You ever get that feeling? Where it’s like, you’re going through your day and you’re doing everything you should, but it’s almost as if you’re on a default mode. Autopilot, but still cognizant of what you’re doing. Could just be the product of having freakin woke up around 5:30 am. lol But I do occasionally have those moments where I’m present, but at the same time I feel like I’m not entirely connected.

Feels weird.

Was able to get a good amount of writing in this morning despite that. Getting to some juicy parts. Prism just had a huge epiphany and decided to risk her life in order to keep from helping the thing she is faced with. I say thing because I don’t really know what its kind is. It’s in charge and wants her cooperation and she refuses to give it.

Since this book is a part of the Guardian of Life series, this thing goes back to even Hope of the Future. Not it having been in the book, but that its presence was. We didn’t see it, hear mention of it, outside of the scientists. But as I was writing the past few chapters in this book I happened to realize it ties in.

In Hope of the Future, she saves Earth, she saves humans who have been bought as pets and used as slaves. Hope also mentioned in one of the later books (I want to say it’s Under Empty Stars that she shows up in) that she feels a threat to Earth coming. It was only after I wrote the part in THIS book, Creations of the Galaxy that I went, wow. This ties in. Because in the beginning of Creations, Earth is being destroyed. That may have something to do with the why. Why it was being destroyed.

Makes me wonder though. Did Hope warn people? Did Hope get off Earth? Is this book so far ahead in time that Hope is no longer able to protect them? SO many questions came to mind when I realized the destruction of Earth in the beginning of this book tied into Hope’s storyline and arc. Although this book does also tie in with Ellie’s story arc (character in this series/world) so it makes me wonder if any of them will show in this book. This isn’t part of the main arc. I knew the book would tie in with the story/world overall, but didn’t have plans for any of the characters to enter into it. Never know though. They might.

Remember, don’t follow this blog if you can’t stand ANY type of spoiler because I am not that person – I don’t mind spoilers at all so I will give some about my own work too.

By the way,

I still have my freebies up if you want to grab a copy of one of the books, or you have a friend who may like to check it out – Free until end of May If you’d like to, and still offer something, you’re welcome to donate a dollar or something to Patreon too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I just don’t have the personal energy, let alone time, to keep up with tiers so for now that is on hold. I do have a few things up on there though right now. I will have to update Patreon with the information too.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 62,915 words

Current word count as of today – 63,800 words

Total words written since last post – 885 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

THIS IS JUST FOR THE BOOK NEWS, NOT THE BLOG POSTS. BLOG SIGNUP IS NEXT ONE.

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Sleepy girl

It’s 1:30 pm and I could probably go pass out if I laid down. Or at least I could pretend to, lol. I still have my freebies up if you want to grab a copy of one of the books, or you have a friend who may like to check it out – Free until end of May If you’d like to, and still offer something, you’re welcome to donate a dollar or something to Patreon too. As I’ve mentioned previously, I just don’t have the personal energy, let alone time, to keep up with tiers so for now that is on hold. I do have a few things up on there though right now. I will have to update Patreon with the information too.

I currently am not the only tired one. I have a dog snoring behind me too, lol. Mila was helping me cut the grass until the battery died on the mower. Worked though. I had to stop and get some lunch so I was able to put the battery on the charger. Of course I got distracted by Lucy barking at me so I had to quiet her down, then forget to put said battery on charge until around 12:30 or so. haha I like the Ryobi for that reason. When I quit work at 4pm, I’ll be able to finish the backyard. Battery will have finished charging. It only takes a few hours.

If you’re looking to get a battery mower, this is similar to mine. Can’t find my exact model by eye and I’m too lazy to go look at what one it is. lol https://www.homedepot.com/p/RYOBI-20-in-40-Volt-Brushless-Lithium-Ion-Cordless-Battery-Walk-Behind-Push-Lawn-Mower-5-0-Ah-Battery-and-Charger-Included-RY40180/206481611

It is so light that I can push it with one hand up a hill. We don’t have major hills in our yard, but more of an incline. In the backyard from all the dogs and years, there are a lot of bumps so I gotta be careful though. Otherwise it bounces up and down like crazy so I don’t get a good cut, it’s just a mini 4×4 session with a mower, haha. So I got casual and slow. I can cut the grass here maybe 4-8 times on average before I need to charge the battery again? Just depends on the day. Good in wet grass. Chops the top off of cherry roots if one is not careful. Cherry wood is tough too. I was worried about it being mostly plastic, but it’s a tough lil mower.

Listening to this in the background. Love this profile. Such great music they compile.

It was just occurring to me how afraid of the mower Mila used to be. When we got her, it was just hard moment after hard moment. Problem after problem. The breeder was . . . not a good one in the end. Even now. The woman has had a few different names and breeder profiles at this point. Have a strong feeling that when another owner starts to gripe, she changes things and probably makes them into the bad guy as she did us and the few others I know who complained to AKC about her, and notified them of the way we were treated, the puppy we got, all of it. Because I’m sorry, but if someone treats me wrong, but more so an animal and can’t simply take responsibility for it? But instead tried to make us into the bad guy? We will report you. Period.

I don’t try to shame publicly so no, I won’t say her name. She knows who she is. She knows that blaming us for a problem the puppy had when we brought her here, and to the vet with explosive diarrhea and malnourishment, is in fact, not a fault of ours. Not when we were doing everything to ensure Mila survived and were more concerned with that, and protecting other owners and puppies. We still never received all the paperwork that we had been promised when we paid the money. Never asked for any money back, we just wanted Mila to be okay. We just wanted to be sure other owners knew what had been wrong with her could be an issue for their pup. That was it. But the breeder had turned around the problem, blamed us, and kept telling us we could give Mila back. Narcissistic behavior 101.

But when we first got Mila she had a TERROR of anything related to a motor, gas scents, and anything of that nature. As a puppy I did everything I could to help desensitize her, but it never really got that much better. She’d tolerate being outside with me while I did the grass, but never . . . no. I shouldn’t say never. She would rarely want to get too close to me while I mowed. But when I got the battery one? She now loves to walk behind me so most of the time I go one way, she follows. I go another, she follows.

Which leads to a very sleepy Doberman, lol.

I’m just glad she can be in the yard. The mower sounds like an air turbine fan if you’d ever heard one of those. A big box fan in general I suppose is a good relatable sound too. So she doesn’t fear being in the yard with me. She will walk behind me, around me, come give me kisses if I ask for them. Far better. Could also be age. She’s such a calm happy dog at this point. Even getting better at being extra gentle with my mom and not trying to get too rambunctious around her. Been working with that with her all her life since my mom can get hurt too easy.

I attribute that to her lines. I no longer acknowledge that other woman we dealt with as who I got Mila from. I attribute it all to the woman who owns Mila’s family lines. The Dobermans are such beautiful personalities. I get to see all sorts of puppy pics whenever she has a new litter. Way too cute. We lucked out on that. Mila has a wonderful personality and outside of that first issue when we first brought her home, she has been healthy.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 62,532 words

Current word count as of today – 62,915 words

Total words written since last post – 383 words


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Story going again

Figured I should update since it’s been a few days. Just tired. Lot of stuff pulling me in a bunch of directions so I haven’t wanted to use the energy to post. Also, until end of May, don’t forget (if you haven’t seen it) that I have the first in all of my series up for free on Smashwords. I forgot about Sylphline Realm – Crown of Ice, so I updated the post with that one too. Today I was woke up around 5:45 AM from Mila having a tummy ache so that hasn’t helped. Post for all the freebies – Free until end of May

Creations of the Galaxy finally gave me what I needed to keep going with the story. So it picked up pace. I can feel the end approaching which is a good sign. Won’t have to write “ending here,” like I was thinking I may.

On top of that, the other day (week maybe), I ended up listening to a video that for whatever reason triggered me to remember this story that came to me from why yes, a dream, lol. But I liked the idea of it, and decided to turn it into a short. May go slightly longer, but definitely not novel length. I could make it go that long, but eh. I don’t like to force length for no reason. So I won’t. It’ll have a gargoyle theme. Working on titles and covers now for it, as well as plotting since I’m getting close to the end of Creations.

And, now back to Birth of a Princess. Jeanie got it back to me the other day so now I go into deep edits. I’ll update the front page information box before I edit.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 57,869 words

Current word count as of today – 62,532 words

Total words written since last post – 4,663 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Free until end of May

Now through the end of May, if you’ve wanted to get your hands on any of the first books in one of my series, I have them up for free. Grab them while you can. 🙂 This is only through Smashwords. They have all versions (pdf, mobi, epub, etc.)

I was gonna do a discount, but then went nah. With Mother’s Day, I’ll just go free. 🙂 ❤


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A bit of a hiccup

I was going along smoothly with Creations of the Galaxy, already having realized that the way the story headed, it was a bit different than I planned. I previously mentioned that it ended up headed toward more of a “discovery” tale than anything else. A story about connection, not where my mind headed, which was “take down that place” (place being where Prism was created) and action-ish. Think it was last week that I realized the changeroo happenin?

Then yesterday I had a bit of a hiccup. When I sat down to write, my brain was all . . . now what? It was either keep going with just conversations (boring) or stop and figure out what’s up. So I grabbed the notes that I originally wrote down before I began writing, and went about reading them. I found a lot of notes that I had actually forgotten. It was so funny. I even mentioned that just now with Jeanie, I forget a lot of what I write. The stories, the scenes. I zone out to the point (sort of) when writing that I come back to it in edits and can’t remember that I did write it.

If you’re a writer, you experience that?

So I perused my notes, tried to figure out where the story was going to go from here, and I’m a bit iffy on whether I have an ending. I’m at that point where this may be one of those rare occurrences that I end up just writing a note and saying “ending here,” and figuring the rest out in edits. As I said, it’s very rare for me to do that, but sometimes it’s necessary. We’re too close to the story when we write it so that it needs a cool down period.

With the first story that sets this series off, Hope of the Future, I actually did another rare thing for me. I’d been so deep into the edits, and so . . . I almost want to say lost, that I finally told Jeanie I was gonna send it to her to see if all of it was making sense. This may have been one of the stories that helped me learn to separate the editing sessions too. It’s just that it’d been under so many changes, and so much angst inside of me that I couldn’t keep focusing on it. I needed to get it out of my face and see what another opinion thought of the plot. Was it making sense, or was it a complete jumbled mess of a tale?

My brain wasn’t seeing any of it. It wasn’t able to step back and see the story. To say it was hard on me might be putting it lightly. It was a struggle. But let this serve as a lesson for people in the beginning stages. Or, even an experienced writer who is open to a new way to look at the editing phase. Occasionally it is freakin okay to step back and have someone look at it in the rawest form if you’re unable to disconnect and you are all out malfunctioning. I was. I was beyond that point. It was either get it out of my face, or dump it entirely.

Turned out? Totally helped me out. The story wasn’t as bad off as I felt it was. Yes, there were issues, but I was ready to completely throw it out and be done. I couldn’t separate myself. I needed another set of eyes.

I don’t advise that. I don’t encourage people to just willy nilly throw it away and be all, whatever here. That’s not the editor’s job. I didn’t have someone else who could look at it, and Jeanie has that ability to just read it. To turn off corrector and be my beta reader. She knows how I work, and we get each other so much it’s sometimes funny. So we work that way. So for me, it worked, and I knew where I was at, and what I needed. I wasn’t just bowing out, I wasn’t giving it away, expecting her to fix it.

Sometimes we do need to step back and set something aside. I put out so much that I have the chance to be a little more . . . I want to say easy-going, but that has the wrong connotation to it. As if I’m being lazy, or not putting forth the effort, when in reality I do. I work sometimes harder and spend more time on things than I need to. I’m a perfectionist with my work. It’s why Jeanie being hard on me works for me. I like the challenge. She works as hard as I do. I push myself harder than most may. Then again, I may not push myself as hard as some others do.

But if I’m safely putting out a good amount of work every year, and it’s a steady pace that I can maintain without working myself into the ground, I think I’m doing pretty darn good. So if I had to mark “ending here,” on this book, and set it aside, as guilty as I would feel about it, I would also be like, that’s okay. Sometimes a writer has to scrap a book entirely. Sometimes a writer has to set it aside. Sometimes a writer needs to change the story, to rewrite the book. We all have our own methods that work for us.

This is mine.

And it’s up for changing all the time. That’s not a bad thing.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 57,192 words

Current word count as of today – 57,869 words

Total words written since last post – 677 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Didn’t even completely occur to me

In my head, as I wrote that about the perceived free society yesterday (Trust has been on my mind) I knew it may get under the skin of some people, but until this afternoon, I didn’t really consider it. One of those things where you are aware, but yet not? Then it hit me this afternoon how triggering for some it could end up being. Some may rage against the notion itself. Some may get angry that I come across complacent.

I’ve experienced plenty of that. Some may agree, disagree, not even care. But it did happen to hit me that I set myself up the more open I am about my thinking in that way, for a lot of harassment. I was considering whether or not I was ready for it. I was considering how I would feel about it. I’m fully cognizant of the fact that it may already be happening. I can promise there is a group, whether small or large, who simply read these blogs or my books, and they adamantly hate me. We all experience that.

Being in the public eye as I am, it will get worse. The more exposure I get, my books get, the worse it will get. The negative will affect me far worse than the positive. It’s in my nature and I’m sure many of you can relate. Many are like me, in that we could have a million positive comments and that one negative will just get under our skin. I am understanding of it. I am understanding of people. Doesn’t mean it won’t completely mean nothing to me. It’s not about wanting to be universally liked. I never have been. I think it’d be weird for anyone to have that amount of confidence that they truly believe something like that. Or it may be interesting to meet them. Ask them what life is like. Maybe it’s good for them? Who knows. I have always been outside the groups. Rarely fit in, or they like me in the beginning, then get to know the real depth of my thoughts and how “out there,” they can seem, and suddenly well now I don’t like you because you make me think too much. You provoke me too much. Or, I just don’t like you. In school I was the “nice/sweet girl,” so most did like me. As adults, they do if it remains shallow. Not again, that there aren’t exceptions. I’m admittedly focusing on negative right now.

Just like me stating that none of us are truly free in society. I didn’t say we don’t have the free will to do as we please. But there will be certainly people who come along years later and might see that blog and suddenly blow up at me for it. They might scream about how I’m a “philosopher,” and don’t go to war to push my ideas and attack others. That I allow this person to be President, or it’s all my fault that we have the person in office that we do. BECAUSE OF ME.

Anyone who has followed me saw how attacked I was on a Facebook post in which I stated clearly I don’t care who you vote for, I will love you regardless and support whatever decision you choose. I got full on attacked for being responsible for all that is effectively going on in the world, lol. Calm down people. I have been blamed all my life by abusive people for everything. It took me many many many years of hard work to finally see through that wow, I was in fact not responsible for anyone but me. If someone was a shit to another person and they were a family member? I, in fact, was not responsible. Nor, are you. If a friend of mine did something another didn’t like. It was in fact not my responsibility.

So for years upon years I battled until someone helped me by being sarcastic and stating, that’s right, every decision they make is on you. You’re responsible for everything they do. Don’t think that was the exact way she put it, but she understood the abuse I’d gone through and the mental ways that it can affect a person. So most of my life I always thought (also because people made it so) that me, though I was nothing more than a child, was responsible for the actions of the adults around me.

Until one day I realized . . . I wasn’t. I wasn’t responsible for the actions another took. I wasn’t responsible for the thoughts another had. I wasn’t responsible for people being angry and cruel to another.

A friend named Dawn, had said to me once, “I am responsible for what I say, you are responsible for how you take it.” (Or what you hear.)

That too had come in around that time. And we are responsible for the things we say. We are responsible for the things we do. But if someone else gets that crazed over what we say, what we do. Guess who is responsible? That doesn’t include the “exception to the rule,” of trolls purposely going out of their way to invoke that response. That doesn’t include those abusive and manipulative for doing it on purpose.

You’re intelligent enough to understand that, and understand I don’t include that. But it’s true. If I state something like I did yesterday and someone gets screaming angry at me without just asking for more information and attempting to understand where I’m coming from, what I meant fully by it? Guess who isn’t responsible for them getting that furious over one human’s thoughts? And guess who is responsibility for the judgment? As a writer I will provoke unintentionally. Stories that I write will piss people off to no end. Or, they will love me because finally someone gets how they think. Maybe it’s why I’m slowly finding myself not as interesting in being online. That I’m pulling back more from social networks.

Maybe some part of me knows that I am on that verge where suddenly I am going to have a lot more attention. And as I’ve said plentifully. I don’t read reviews because it gets in my head. Praise or criticisms are the same for me. The occasional, “I love your book!” and explanation of why? LOVE it. I am beyond grateful to those of you who reach out. But I don’t go hunting for it. Never google my name. Never hunt down reviews. Never try to find all of you who may have read my book. Nope. Not for me. I don’t want that filling my head because I find it affects me. The more I focus on negative the more I tend to want to give up. I learned when I first began mind you. The more I focus on positive? The more I tend to stop pushing myself to learn more, to try harder, to get better. Because there is this snootiness if you will, that gets in there.

I know what I can handle. I know what I can’t. I absolutely adore those of you who read these blogs and am beyond grateful to you. I may likely remember your names if I see comments years from now too. Friends I have had, things they’ve said? Ten years from now? I may actually be able to recite it back to you. That’s what it means to me. Those random letters that I get about my books, the comments on the blog. I do allow them all right now, I just have it so IF I get a bad link, spam, or one that isn’t for me, I can delete.

It did get a little in my head earlier though. I don’t like people to misunderstand me. I’ve been misunderstood all my life. It’s rare that people have truly seen me, where I’m coming from, who I am. Very rare. Not sure why. For whatever reason my intentions have been misconstrued. It’s like people have been taught that good folks don’t exist to the point that they always presume people are out for the bad. I think the rare time I ever did that? Oh yeah, it ate me up more than it could’ve ever hurt the other person.

But I do admit I may struggle with that. As much as I am also the type who is all, “I don’t give a f*ck what you think!” And all fiery redhead girl? I am also gentle by nature. I wanna always see the good in people so when I get the reverse thrown at me, like I’m purposely being evil, or setting out to be mean to others? That can really get under my skin. You see me still here though. I think resilience is the reason. Resilience is what most writers need.

When I first began writing I didn’t do so well with editing, with the writing, with any part of it. I had no guidelines for myself, and like most who don’t know what they don’t know, not all of my beginning years were good. I made many mistakes in the first 3-5 years. Learned, fell on my face, and even had some very very bad emails, but I’d read a few terrible reviews which for me in such a beginner’s stage, taught me how the negative can affect me. I’ve always been that way with negative though. Even being around someone angry can make me physically sick. That’s why I’m generally peaceful, happy, and prefer harmony.

There were some days though in the beginning years that I honestly felt like giving up. I don’t mean casual feeling. I mean I was done. I was all, I can’t do this. I suck. I won’t ever make anything of this. I can’t do this. On and on the negative rolled through me. What happened?

I grabbed my pathetic little whimpering self inside, hefted her up, tears and all, and I went searching for an editor who would potentially help me. Who could essentially take pity on me, lol. The one I had disappeared. Didn’t learn until later she had passed away. That was when I found Jeanie. It took years of us going back and forth, telling her to be as hard on me as she wanted. I wasn’t going anywhere. No matter what she said to me, I may have to have a moment to process it and feel miserable, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I promised her nothing she could say about the work would make me stop. Because she wasn’t sure how hard to be on me so we had to work on that trust.

She was hard on me. Just as I asked. She still is. She knew I could do better, and I could put out better work, so she stuck with me, and in figurative terms, kicked me down again and again until finally I learned to avoid the foot coming at me. lol I had the image of one of those fighting movies where the kid keeps getting beat up until one day he finally takes the teacher to the mat. ahaha

Anyhoo, I worked hard. I kept getting back up and trying harder. Kept taking classes to better whatever aspect I needed. I did grammar lessons, she taught me too. I learned to do covers. It was persistence and resilience that kept me going. It still is. It’s the biggest things that I think any of us need in life.

Persistence. Resilience.

Effectively the same thing. It’s not a thick skin. You say something mean to me? It will hurt. I may even cry. I freakin cry over too much these days from being in touch with that emotional side of me now, lol. Don’t show me a Christmas commercial all lovely and such. smh lol But then I get up and keep going.

So if people wanna share my words to be all, “look at this! This is the idiots of THIS planet we live on. Is it any wonder whatever whatever?” Okay. If it gives them something to focus on. If it keeps them from attacking someone who can’t take it. If it keeps them feeling good. That’s fine. Not like I can stop people from being triggered or adamantly hating me. You can’t. I can’t. Nobody can.

It’s whether we focus on that to our detriment. If we hold back because of the potential for that. If I stop writing because someone is gonna get mad at me, or someone is going make a fit over one sentence, or one clipped word to fit what they wanna push? Eh.

We can’t allow those things to hold us back. That goes back to my authentic and raw comment I made on that blog too. We need people who show that yes, we’re vulnerable and gentle, and kind, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna sit idly by and be quiet. That’s what many have misunderstood about me.

Like those folks who went off on me for “not caring” about anything on the FB post I made. They took it to another level and said I wouldn’t care if my right to this was taken away?! Or that was taken away?! It was people like me who allowed this president to be chosen. People like me who were HORRIBLE for women’s right because I sat idly by and did NOTHING while people took control. I’m curious where those same folks are? On Facebook on their “friends only,” posts screaming about the injustices of people? On Twitter screaming all about the idiots of the world and blocking the ones who disagree?

The real change doesn’t come about because we’re sharing stuff on social media, just to friends. Change doesn’t happen because we are constantly down the throats of other people while avoiding our own mess sitting there in the sink. It’s people like that who try to silence folks like me because they might realize too. Real change happens quietly behind the scenes. It’s not always brash and in your face. It’s the one book we read, one article that sparks something inside of us.

Hey, it may even be someone getting furious over something I write. I mean there’s that too. That’s okay. If it helps anyone, I’m happy. Even if it takes someone hating me. Cool.

Many writers have been doing that for a very long time. Either the one who instigates via a small newspaper they write, share, and suddenly the news spreads. Either the book someone picks up and says . . . hey, I can write like this. Or, this is horrible, I can do better than this! Maybe it’s a book that teaches us a literal skill. Some learn simply from reading. I’ve experienced those who don’t believe people can, but some actually can. Some need that physical aspect also involved. Some need to watch another do it.

We never truly know what impact something we say, or write, will have until after it happens. I’m not sure if we’re ever prepared for what comes, either. We can think we are, but consider a parent who reads all sorts of baby books, then has the baby who defies all that knowledge? Consider the same for a pet. Consider the same for anything we learn. No matter how much we presume to know about anything, someone will know something else about it that we don’t.

Not only do we need more authenticity, but we need more accountability and openness. Personal accountability, mind you. Not point the finger and blame them. Them is not in charge of how we feel. Them can’t type up my book for me if I want it typed up by me. Them can’t force us to sit idly by and be silent. Them can’t stop us from getting out of bed every day and deciding to. We need to be more open and questioning. Not demanding. Questions from a learning space.

Questions that help us understand.

What is that quote. “First seek to understand, then seek to be understood.”

Not only should we have more authentic, raw, vulnerability, but we should embrace more openness, understanding, personal accountability. At least that is something I’m focused on.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 56,943 words

Current word count as of today – 57,192 words

Total words written since last post – 249 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Trust has been on my mind

My best friend and I were discussing trust this morning. She’d sent me a link to a video that exposed the you-know-what happening in the world right now, and a news place who purposely had more people stand in line to show how “crazy,” it was and “bad off,” things were for the story. A few were sick, but mostly it was folks being lined up for the story so it looked worse. The people who covered the story were discussing how they were setting the story up, as well as health workers.

Which led to me discussing a video I’d seen (many of you may too) of a weather story where they made it seem really bad, but then a group of folks entered the shot in the background, and they were just walking along like, “well it’s windy, but no big.” They showed that it was faked. I also mentioned how one lady I follow for interesting information (can look her up under Dana Ashlie) that she shares, had just had videos taken down because some folks were showing video of where hospitals were “so overrun” that they were ghost towns.

I told her (bestie) that it’s precisely why I don’t usually watch any of those shows (news). I mean, let’s face it – they’re scripted. No matter what we see on the TV, there is a power (producer, writer, etc.) that has to be the one to allow it. Jut like this website. Just like these blogs. If someone wanted to silence something I say? Delete. I could throw any temper tantrum I like. But at the end of the day we don’t live in a truly free society. We live in a perceived free society. I like the quote that George Carlin says, “It’s not a right if it can be taken away.”

The difference between me and another is that I shrug and say okay. I get it. I don’t need to freak out over it. I don’t set out to expose secrets that most of us already are iffy about anyway, so it’s not as if I have to fear that daily. Most of us are intelligent enough that me blasting things I’ve learned won’t do any good. I like my own little bubble and I know you’re smart enough to handle yours. You don’t need me to micro manage you and “teach,” you all about the horrors in the world. You don’t need me to scream how dumb you are (erm, cause nobody really is – I may know about cooking than you, whereas you know more about cars than I do). So why get up in arms about it? That’s not my thing. I enjoy writing about stuff, I enjoy writing these blogs as much as my books. I enjoy letting you into another point of view.

Sidenote – I had to pause while writing this to take out Chewbacca, throw in other dog stuff to the wash, and get some tea going for my mom (she’s been having a bad few days), and it hit me. The above statement about yelling at you to teach, and calling you “stupid,” and shoving information at you. Could you imagine if our teachers in school did that to us? Maybe some of us experienced a teacher here and there like that (rude), but could you imagine if every single student was faced with all teachers like that? My word nobody would learn anything. We would naturally rebel against being “forced,” anything. I know I can’t be forced into anything. Can you? Even as a child, I would obey . . . up to a point. Even now. I can come across as super accommodating and I will. I will be happy to. Up until a point. Push past that? Wall. Until either I am ready to move/give, or I refuse to ever do so.

But I can’t force anything upon you. No more than if I had my site taken down, or a blog, I could scream about the horrors. I rent this space. I rent this site. I don’t own it. I don’t own it if I were self-hosted because again I go through someone else. We all go through who owns the internet, electricity, on and on. It’s all rented space.

The job though as a writer for me is to provide you something to read. My responsibility is to make it pleasant, not make you wanna cringe and hide under the covers because I’m yet another blasting about your stupidity not to know this or that, or how can you be so naïve! lol It’s to tell my story, to tell what’s on my mind, to write about what comes to mind. That’s where I build your trust. Through every day small actions I show you (sometimes not literally every day) that you can trust me not to ruin your day on purpose. Through each post I am showing that this site isn’t going to be about screwing people over and lying to you. My word is that important to me anyway.

It’s like what I told Colin . . . uh, I’ll just say a week or two ago. If I give my word and agree to something? Don’t much care when it happens, I will honor it.

If I say to a man that in five years I will walk down the aisle with him, I will do it. If I say on this date I will buy this dog, and it’s ten years from now? That word is done. Ahem. Might have to mark a future calendar with that cause I’d probably forget here and there, lol. My word again, is that important to me. And the word I have tried to always give regarding this site [and newsletter] has been just that. Even books, really. It is that I will entertain you. It is that I will not go around shaming someone and outright speaking on how bad they are. Will I explain actions that I don’t like? Yes. Will I explain how actions affect me and how they make me feel? Yes. Will I read a book I despise and then come on here saying what a horrible person they are? No. I will try never to do those things.

Because it’s important for me to have trust. For me to give it, as much as be able to feel it for others. I was telling my best friend too that I don’t have very much to give to other people, especially in the beginning. I have had far too many with pretty promises and words in my life. Far too many pretty things that have been removed and I’m left in the mud. So my trust level is fairly non-existent for many things. I definitely don’t entirely trust anything I hear or see in the news. I rarely think people will honor their word, which is why it’s so hard for me to ever ask for anything. Or ask people for help in general.

It’s a product of a lot of lies, a lot of abuse. I can’t make people understand that level of hurt that someone can experience to make them get to that point. Or the level of loss that can affect them to the point that it takes a lot to rebuild. I’ve always rebuilt myself though just takes me a little more time than others. I don’t bounce back as fast because I go deep into whatever it is I feel. Used to think that was wrong as many made it seem so. That I was too much, but some of us just operate that way. Some are shallow, some are not. Some are eternal folk, some are “maybe just for today,” folk. All of it is okay. Period.

It’s important though that when we watch news stories, when we listen to what people say, we’re careful. Not of that though. Of what we are listening to day to day. Of what we’re focused on every minute of the day. If we’re constantly filling our heads with stories about don’t trust this, don’t trust that. If we’re constantly seeing the lies being spread and hyper focused, we become just that. Those seeds grow. We stop trusting. We become cold out of fear.

People often think if I say that, I mean to bury the head in the sand. I’d like to know how to do that. Because if we’re online? We’re gonna see stories. If we talk to people? We’re gonna hear stories. Maybe those who live off the grid and aren’t ever speaking to one human being on earth are capable of it? Dunno. But the majority of us are incapable of truly burying our heads in the sand and avoiding all those “things.”

If we want to get all deep and religious sounding, I could say it’s a battle of dark versus light. Negative versus positive. White wolf, black wolf. Really just depends on your beliefs. Easier to make it like that. We all have both inside of us. Which side do we want to feed more of? Which do we want to share more of? Which do we want to rule us more? Doesn’t mean we can’t be discerning with lies and truths. Doesn’t mean that we can’t have dark days or light days. I know no human on this planet who doesn’t have bad moments. I certainly do and I have been told plentifully that I am always happy and bubbly.

That’s just because I have learned how to allow the bad days, and then let them pass. I have allowed that space to rest and take a break. I’m not judging myself for the bad moments, I am not hating myself for not always being “high,” and “happy,” every minute of every day. So then it passes that much faster. I’m not a slave to the negative because I feel the positive more.

A lot of it comes from what I am consuming daily. Not just in food, but in news, in TV shows, in all of it. Everything we take in, even in learning (I am always constantly learning things), counts toward whether we will feel bad by the end of the week (read – I don’t mean tired) or good. If we give in to that hatred and negativity, or don’t. If we’re exhausted, yeah we’re probably gonna have our emotional space drop. I do. Did yesterday because I was worn down, having to do too much, and my emotions went downhill fast. Then by afternoon I felt better by allowing those feelings, allowing those thoughts, not fighting against that drop. I just felt that much lighter.

Still was exhausted though so I went to bed early, lol.

Trust is far more than just being about others. Trust is important for ourselves too I’d say. We have to trust ourselves to make the good decisions. I know that after I was raped, and even now, I still struggle a lot with that. Especially, as I just said to Jeanie, with relationships. I don’t have a normal healthy relationships to pull from. Female to female balanced? Yes, now thanks to her. Romantic? No. So even learning to trust ourselves can be difficult if everything has failed in the past. If everything has gone downhill when we’ve tried to become serious and started to deepen things.

I know there are many like me, who struggle to trust, even more so these days. We’ve been lied to for so long, we’ve been seeing nothing but fake fake fake so real might even seem fake. Or that it won’t last, won’t be truth, and we ask ourselves where’s the physical proof? We don’t know who to trust at times for the true story. We don’t know where to go to find the most authentic truth of whatever information we want. It becomes harder the more the trust is broken.

I know one thing I’ve been learning the past few years is to go slow with it. That’s one big thing. Don’t always trust the pretty words, the pretty images shown. It’s very easy to have someone promise all sorts of things, but then in front of their friends you don’t exist. In the public eye, you don’t exist. They don’t speak about you to friends, they don’t tell anyone about you, they show through actions – you’re my little secret because then when I’m tired of you, I can drop you with ease and nobody but you will know. Then it’s my word against yours. Part of why you’ll see me mention names, share discussion (as long as they aren’t private) and be open (to a point) about my life. I have nothing to hide. Hiding is what gets us into these places. Hiding the truth. Hiding the people in our lives. Hiding the real behind the news story to further a fear, a lie, a whatever. Who wants to be hidden?

As I’ve been saying for a long time, we need more authenticity. More raw real truth. More open stories. More sharing of our love, our friends, what makes us happy, what makes us proud. What is special to us, what we are learning, what we’re bad at and how we’re working to improve it. That is one thing that I like to see about people being at home and celebrities sharing their unmade selves.

We are finally seeing the real them. I think they’re absolutely beautiful. Being beautiful to me is exposing the raw, the faults, the naked soul. I think people who do that? Are way more beautiful and we can trust them more because there is no hiding of truth.

I laughed writing that because it hit me that tomorrow night (depends on where you live) is a Scorpio Full Moon and I’ve seen posts of that from folks I follow on Instagram and YouTube. It can be the “truth exposer” moon. I didn’t plan that at all. lol Just hit me they coincided. Truth isn’t negative. Maybe it’s someone telling you how they feel, maybe it’s someone telling you they’re promoting you. Doesn’t mean it’s a BAD truth. A lady I occasionally listen to talks about full moons being a release of the negative. So it could be a truth we realize for us. Like I just mentioned how hard it is for me to always trust. Which means it’d be the release of past energy that caused those issues, and coming to terms (as I am) that it is okay to go slow and build an authentic foundation for a future we want. If it doesn’t work out it’s not a fault in us. It doesn’t make us a bad person. Might just mean we no longer work with that future and need to go in another path.

I’ve certainly had that switch the past few years. I was shoved off the train track, got beat up and bruised (not literally), went through a dark night of the soul, and had my world turned upside down. Now I’m coming out of it, healing, and going forward into the new future presenting itself. Only time will tell if it comes true. Or, I’ll be corrected to a new path. We all have that. We all go through that.

That’s okay too.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 54,661 words

Current word count as of today – 56,943 words

Total words written since last post – 2,282 words


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Never really considered it before

I had this epiphany hit me the other day. It was interesting. I live with two individuals who tend to hoard. One especially. There are stacks of books, stack of magazines, stacks of all sorts of stuff around the house.

This is something that drives me batty. I try to throw away absolutely everything that I don’t need because I have learned (think I’ve posted about this) not to value material anymore, over everything else. Like if we had a fire right now, I don’t have much I would grab on my way out. I’d be more concerned with getting the dogs out of the house. I’d grab my cell, the storage cards for my writing, maybe the laptop itself. Whatever could easily be thrown in a bag and out of the window, lol. After, I would be okay.

Would it be sad I lost a lot? Of course. But memories I have. Memories I can make. I can, as I even told Colin this morning, I can make happiness anywhere. I don’t “need,” outside to make me enjoy where I’m at. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am most days.

I learned years ago not to really focus on the material aspect. I feel that the more we try to place happiness in those things, the more likely we are to face that life lesson of hey good luck, it’s gone. I remember dealing with that as a teen. I felt I couldn’t be happy without a certain dog. I felt I couldn’t live without a certain dog. It took two of those lessons before I went . . . erm, I suppose I will appreciate them while they are there, enjoy them, and just love them. WHILE they are about, and not expect so much, not depend that much on them to ensure I “live.”

The lesson will never stop until we learn what we’re supposed to. That’s just how it works. Think you need another person to that point? They will be taken away. Think you can’t live without another? Careful. If you believe that down to your very core, they will be removed from your life. It’s fine to say it here and there while knowing deep down you’ll be fine. But the moment you truly believe your life will stop without them, that’s usually when everything goes up in a flame. I don’t think I’ve had that many happen that way, but that might be because of the previous pet experience.

But back to the “material,” things. I can appreciate nice things. I can enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing. Even something as small as a really nice coffee cup. If we enjoy it, why shouldn’t we? If we enjoy a hobby, enjoy it. I will do nothing in this life if it doesn’t bring me pleasure. I’ve said that a million times, I’ll say it a million more. It’s just my core value. As weird as that sounds, it is. It is a core truth for me. If I don’t find some sort of pleasure in doing it? Even if it’s giving way to another’s happiness? I simply will say no. I know how to be happy. I enjoy being happy. Pleasure is what I’m about. If my writing didn’t bring me pleasure, I wouldn’t do it. If chores didn’t bring me pleasure (or I couldn’t find a way to make them bring me pleasure) I would not do them. Everything I do has a level of pleasure to it, even if small.

IT has made my life that much happier to realize I have that level of control. So even material things, if I like it? I’ll have it, and thoroughly enjoy it. I will not feel guilty.

But.

That doesn’t mean that I like having clutter around me. It hit me the other day that I don’t think hoarders actually see clutter. Even people with slight hoarding tendencies. I have had this discussion often with my family. If there is no room to store something, it doesn’t matter how affordable it is, don’t buy it. Don’t bring more of it into the house. Because then that is when you see people store things in their dishwasher, on top of their stoves, and on. I have seen that in a friend’s house too. She had stuff on top of dressers, on top of cabinets, it was practically pouring out of the windows.

And that hit me this weekend. I think that one of the the reasons a hoarder just keeps bringing in things? Is because they literally cannot see the mess and clutter. They are actually convinced there is space to put stuff.

I can relate it to when I was overweight. When I was overweight, I don’t know that I truly saw the fat on me. Now that I lost the weight? I see fat. Almost typed fart, lol. It is a struggle for me to see how thin I am. I feel it in the pants falling down my hips constantly (I hate belts, they pinch me in the wrong place, lol), I feel it in the shirts that show there is very little stomach there anymore, and no muffin top. I see it when I put a tight thin pant on, and there aren’t tons of bulges. But the connection from brain to mind that says, “you are not fat,” is a struggle. All I see is the former me.

So I wonder if that’s a lot of how the hoarder brain works. I know that they place emotional connection to material things. I have seen a freak out when throwing away a cardboard box. But it finally hit me the other day that maybe that’s also why they allow things to get so bad. They don’t see it. Period. As far as they see, it’s a clean spot on the floor. While I’m tripping over something in my way and forced to throw it out, while I’m fumbling to keep stacks from falling over in certain places, the hoarder mind just doesn’t see it the way I do. It’s like my fat issue. Do I have certain places a little more jiggly still? lol Yes. But am I actually fat? No. I’m not at all and I know it. It’s still hard to SEE it. And most days I FEEL fat. But the latter could just be a feminine energy thing.

I’ve had many arguments over “there is no place to STORE it,” and finally I think I can empathize more with the way their brain must hide the mess. To get them to truly see that there is a very small pathway to walk and it shouldn’t be that way? It’s not something we can force into them of course. We can’t force change in another. We can’t say, “you’re nuts,” and it’s not their problem if we’re the ones allowing it to affect our emotions. Our emotions are our responsibility.

But it does make me understand it more and hopefully I will be able to manage my frustration going forward from here. In having to deal with it. I still can’t stand clutter. I get it from my dad. He used to pick up the smallest piece of paper on the floor when he’d see it. It’s just a natural inclination toward wanting clean around me. Wanting to be able to have that space for my brain to work. I’ve told Jeanie that too. Having my dresser clear of things and space around me? Allows my creative brain to flow. Allows me to think, to be at peace. Clutter around me is much like having it in the brain. It’s all bunched up in the mind and junk is all I focus on, I can’t think. I like peace. Being stress free is a big deal for me. Being a source of peace for others around me is too. Teaching them how to find that peace is too. We all need that peace. We can’t force it. But opening up space around you in your home opens up areas for you to breathe.

That’s a pretty random thing, but sometimes I am that random, lol. I like random.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 54,032 words

Current word count as of today – 54,661 words

Total words written since last post – 629 words


If this is email and the form is funky, you can go to bit.ly/KimIversonNews to sign up. Check your spam occasionally if you’re missing me, and don’t forget to add kim@kimberlysueiverson.com to your safe senders so you don’t.

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Thinking about changes

It’s amazing how much we can change day to day, month to month, years later. I was talking with my best friend earlier today (yesterday from when I post this) and I was discussing how I used to be so different from the way I am now. A lot of it I do attribute to her. I can see the difference in me. I can even see just how different I am right now from just one month ago. It’s not something that when someone looks at me, they’d see the difference. It’s more that it’s deep down. A core change.

A craving and a want has developed in me that I never really had. For so long I never really focused on a future. There was no point to it. I was far too used to attracting those (as I’ve gone through in this blog elsewhere – attracting lessons) who never were meant to stay. I hoped that they would, wanted them to, but they never did. When I tried opening up to those, I didn’t know that they didn’t have a part in the story of my life, so it hurt when they left. So I for a long time assumed something was wrong with me. Well, if I open up, they leave. How to make them leave? Love them. I had to learn.

I’ve seen a few folks going through that too. I’ll see them post it online and I can understand how painful it must be for them. Especially through what we are all dealing with. I have been there. The emotions get triggered, we get hyperreactive, and there is almost this inability to control what comes. It’s not wrong of us to have those moments. It’s not wrong for us to feel. It can be hard on the other person if they don’t understand what is going on and we suddenly become a lot more needy or “desperate,” almost. But let me tell you if you’re feeling that way? It’s not wrong to feel what you feel. We learn to manage our emotions through those experiences. We learn to control our hyper reactive states. It’s only when we blame the other and don’t realize it’s our lack of control getting the better of us, and our mental state going crazy, and giving into that, which can be considered wrong. It’s still not wrong. It’s just showing us that we need to gain control. It’s like being desperate to eat or drink and suddenly shoving it all down our throat and then choking ourselves to death. lol

We have a need within that needs to be filled. What we tend to go through with that though, is that we expect the other to fill it up. We become desperate for their food, and they can’t give it to us. I was never been that girl, but I became her a few times because the ones I attracted into my life were empty vessels themselves. They hadn’t learned how to fill their own vessel, and I expected them to help me fill mine when I’d became depleted.

What I learned through those lessons though was how to fill myself up. It doesn’t mean that the craving is never there. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss people like crazy. It doesn’t mean I don’t love people and want them by my side or need their (read: their unique presence, but I can still live without them, don’t read the wrong impression of the word need) presence in my life. I do love people. I do miss people. I do need people in my world. What I don’t? Them to make me happy. Them to fill me up when I get sad. I don’t need them to tell me how to follow where my heart and soul guide me. I don’t need them to guide me. I don’t need them to make me feel better if I feel negatively (sad, angry, upset).

We do attract that when we need it. I don’t think for me that it was a lesson of detachment, or learning to let people go as most who may have similar situations always go toward. So many people have always spoke on the lesson of “letting go,” and “not holding onto people,” but I don’t think it was that for me. Maybe some, I won’t say it wouldn’t be. But for me I think my lesson was more to let people in. To simply not fear that loving them completely and with my entire being. As a child I was beyond expressive and loving, then the abuse began and slowly I went within the shell. Deeper and deeper.

I’ve read in the past few years that if we look at our North Node and South Node, it can tell a lot about destiny for us. Whether you agree with destiny or not, I guess doesn’t matter. The life we’re meant to lead, the path we’re supposed to follow, is usually learning to embrace the side of us that is the North Node. We default to our South. So to follow our best path, they say that if we find the North Node and go for that, we find the best life we can live. You can search that online yourself, I won’t favor sites or links. Just type in, “what is my north node,” and go from there.

Mine? Leo. I laugh because I am a sun Leo too. So I know all too well what that is like. My rising is Virgo and that is the way we present ourselves. Virgo are typically organized, put together, quiet, shy almost, and gentle. They like cleanliness too, and not a crazy amount of emotional drama. Sound familiar? lol

So the south node for me is Aquarius. Aquarius is geared toward focusing on the group. Leo is geared toward emotional freedom and the stage. Not necessarily look at me, but leadership, independence kinda stuff. As in, break free and shine. Leo North Node means that love and the expression of it is where I will shine. Where I find my best life. I do have to balance it out with the south, but it’s about emotional expression. One could look at this blog, my writing, and my life as that. To find the path for me, they say it’d be about learning to simply love, let it in, express it freely, be open to whatever may come of that show. Or, as they say on a quote I’ve seen a lot, “speak your truth, tell your story, those who cannot understand it? It wasn’t meant for them.”

I find that seems to be the way things are really progressing for me. When I finally was able to accept love and express it, I attracted in my best friend. She came into my life at a time when I’d slowly gone deep inside myself because of all the hurt. Because I was used to being overlooked. I was used to (as I put it to her earlier) disappearing inside of myself. I went through many many years of abuse. I attracted in painful relationships with people. I would try to open up, but I didn’t quiet understand how to properly do so, and feel out the energy of other people so it came across as different than I wanted to show. As a healer, I attracted in the ones who needed healing, but weren’t ever meant to stay. I didn’t understand the difference. I couldn’t see the difference.

I imagine (I was told too so it wasn’t just a wrong perception on my part) that I came across far colder and more bitchy than I wanted to. Other times I came across as if I didn’t care. That one wasn’t entirely wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t care per se. Even now I’ve said it pure and simple that I don’t care who people vote for. It’s not that though. We can’t change who someone likes. We can’t change other people. I accept that. I accept people for who they are, even if I don’t like something about them, I’m not necessarily gonna be “change to please me.” That’s not how I work. I don’t want the reverse so I’m not doing it to you. You will change if guided to. If you want to. NOT to please me. NOT because someone demands it. We can do that, but it’s rare that it will stick. If I lose weight for someone, I may gain it back. But because I decided on my own a long time ago, I wouldn’t allow myself to become as overweight as I have been? It became a life change that stuck. So I can maintain it because it was what “I” wanted. Not another.

So it’s not that I don’t care as in, I don’t have feelings toward it. It’s that I accept choices that other’s make, even if I don’t agree. I accept you, even if we’re not alike. I accept that people are unique and that’s what makes them so great. In that way I don’t care. I am not going to spend my emotional energy of which I have so little to give as of late, on worrying over what you will do, or don’t, in your life. I will not expend that time and effort in expecting something of you, which I would not give to you were the positions reversed. I will spend my time becoming a better version of me, tending to my family and those closest to me. If that makes someone angry? That’s not up to me. That’s up to them to allow something I do to make them feel that way, and then to allow it to affect their day.

And . . . I am reserved and much shier than people understand. I spent years upon years shrinking inside of myself because I have never been one of those people that are like look at me!! And scream to get attention. The less I received, the more I went within. I became quieter and quieter. A product of abuse, yes. A product of having PTSD? Probably. I was used to being overlooked. I don’t want pity either. I speak on my life to be understood, not to be all, “woe is me! Make it better, give me huggies.” Erm, no thank you. Love you for wanting to comfort me, but I am okay. I share things only to share my story, not for any other reason. Maybe also so that if something touches you and you can relate, maybe I can help you learn something too. About you. About me. About another. Whichever way it works. Maybe even just to hear a story. After all, I tell stories. Not all are fiction.

It’s just that eventually I went to a place inside of myself that I visit more than maybe I should. A quiet little place where it’s just me. I don’t have a thousand voices calling me. I don’t have a ton pulling and tugging at me, demanding of me. I have spent all my life tending to other’s emotions and needs that I visit that quiet space so much. It’s not a bad thing. I think many introverts understand, shy folks, reserved folks, people who’ve been through abuse, on and on. We all know that space within that we go to when we need a break.

Problem I have at times is that I live there. People allow it too. I never really connected with too many who basically would be like, please stay and don’t go away. I didn’t have people who cared enough to that point that they would see me disappearing in front of them. Outside of my dad that was. He would see when I tried to hide, and he would basically pull me out of that shell.

I think that was the lesson that I was faced to learn. I didn’t see how the people who did want to get that close to me, were affected. Whenever I had really dark days a part of me was scared that I would go inside that space inside of me and never come out. That I would retreat to a place and be lost. I honestly gave that a lot of thought the past few years. What kept me on solid ground was the realization that I had my dogs to take care of. They needed me because I committed to their care and when I commit? It’s forever and then some. I honor it against everything thrown at me. Truly.

Something so small like that kept me from disappearing into that darkness. Knowing that I had them to focus on. They needed me. I think that was part of why I never wanted to get close to people. I wanted that excuse. I wanted that ability to leave. I didn’t want the responsibility of someone else’s heart and emotions. None of us need another to live like the air we breathe so when I say need, it’s not that. Please keep that in mind.

I didn’t want anyone to need me to the point that I could potentially break their heart if I disappointed them. If I wanted to disappear. That I’d basically abandon them if I went away. I didn’t want that responsibility, but we can’t avoid that if we ever hope to know true love. Authentic love. Selfish? Could be. Definitely could be defined as selfish and cold. I am a product of all of that past. I am a product of someone throwing me on the floor and choking me until I couldn’t breathe as a little girl, JUST because I interrupted a TV show. I am a product of telling a man no, and him refusing to listen, then forcing himself on me. I am a product of a friend standing in my face and screaming nobody wanted me around.

I am a product of all of that and far far more.

I choose not to be anymore. I chose not to continue to be that years ago. I chose when I said I love you to my best friend. I chose that when I let her in. I chose that when I told her about the abuse. I chose that when I admitted to the man back in my life that he is (and always will be) one of the most precious things in my life, and if I didn’t make him understand that? Then I was a sh*t for it back then, and I was sorry for it. That is not a long list for me. I can count on one hand how many people have reached that level for me. He and my best friend are for sure among those.

Only time will tell in truth, where I go from here, but I definitely have noticed something big happening inside of me as of late. I am very interested in seeing where it’s going to go, or what is going to happen from here. I find myself experiencing conversations and having these deja vu moments as if my life right now is the illusion and that deja vu moment is the reality. It is beyond weird to experience. We all have one moment or so here and there like that, but I’ve had one or more in a day, sometimes days in a row.

Often, much of my feelings have slowly faded. Maybe a part of it comes with me purposely retreating from them and not realizing it. Maybe it was because they were not real to begin with. I’m not entirely sure which is it. Could just be that I was in a “dream” state and then after time, or as time went on, I came out of it and the feelings were long gone.

I’m curious to see where it’s going to go. What’s going to happen from here. I definitely feel like something is coming. Something is gonna happen. I hope it is for the positive. I hope how I feel is here to stay, and grow if nothing else. I hope a lot of things in my life are permanent, but who is to say? Who knows what tomorrow brings? I definitely hope the two in my life that are closest to me are permanent fixtures in my story to come. That is for sure.

I just know something is happening, something is changing, and I’m interested to see where it goes.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 52,716 words

Current word count as of today – 54,032 words

Total words written since last post – 1,316 words


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Proof arrived

And I am absolutely loving it. You know what I am loving more? The fact that I don’t have anything to change. lol

Here’s the image I sent to Jeanie.

The lighting makes it much lighter in appearance than it is. It’s a wee bit darker in person. I am beyond happy that I don’t have anything to change because I can do this blog, just finished printing out newest pages for Creations of the Galaxy, and get me tookus over to editing Birth of a Princess. Haven’t had a chance to begin. I was too busy trying to get newsletter up and ready yesterday, and get all the pages updated on this site with the information about the release of Law of the Beast.

I am headed over to Amazon to approve the proof for this book now. Just means that now Amazon has to approve it for distribution. Unless there is a major thing that I didn’t notice, they’ll approve it within the next 8-12 hours. I’ve been doing pretty good at having them upload and allow my books up for sale within 8 hours from clicking.

I’m actually doing that while I do this. lol

I want to get started on final looksie of Birth of a Princess so I’m not gonna write much here today. Gotta get moving on it.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 51,397 words

Current word count as of today – 52,716 words

Total words written since last post – 1,319 words


If you like this content and/or would like to support me in my goal to keep publishing a book every 3 months, consider a small gift.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com