Dreamt of her

I dreamt about Amber last night. Not sure why. I’ve often felt like when an animal has passed, and they come to you in dreams (read this too) that it’s really them. The reason they may not is that we are not ready for their visit. Same could be said about people passing. I do dream of my father who passed too, but there are certain dreams with him that are different. As if more real; that he’s truly there. I’m not sure I can every fully believe in stuff like that, but it does comfort me so I say there is no harm in people having beliefs like that.

And to dream about her? Is always a good day. Er, night. Because she was always so happy, lively, and just seemed rarely to ever find ill in life. Until she’d throw out her spine (slipped disc), or have a tummy ache. Even then Amber always had this personality that was like most dogs – just, love. But also she was psycho as the day was long. So there was that. She was a fun girl to know.

I know animals get just as attached too. Because we have a rule now in the house. No saying her name, or the nicknames we used. You can see it in their faces. The other dogs. They know. They remember her, even now. They mourn her all over again. Some could use the projection argument and perhaps it’s true. Perhaps we are imagining it. Perhaps we see what isn’t there. Still, we’re careful now about not saying her name because on the off chance it breaks their heart all over again to miss her? I’m not taking that chance. It’s not in my nature to wanna hurt another just because. So I try to be mindful. Even of my animals. Animals or not, they too loved her, and they too have feelings. (May 2003 – Nov 2017)

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