Here’s the quick rundown in case you don’t want to read ahead of what’s to come from now until the end of the year, and more explanation.
I’m hoping to finish sooner, but there is a chance it could take to the end of the year. Because I have to alter the covers and the eBooks, then reupload them in new listings. Also, the paperbacks as I have been trying to also get done. Move them to Lulu. This will also give me a better chance to get everything uploaded to Google Play as I was. I can do each book one at a time. I have to make new listings because the ISBN attached to the books has “Kim Iverson,” and the new will have “Kimberly Sue Iverson.” So – new listing.
Also, I have seen Amazon has the ability for HARD COVER books. Beta version, but if you have interest in those being done, lemme know! I had always planned on it one day, and I’m torn on using Amazon, but if they’re dust jackets and cheaper than elsewhere, obviously that one thing I’m okay with using them for. Since I have my work spread out to other stores.
To explain – some bits ago I mentioned on here that I was going to be putting all my future work under my full name. The post was in July I guess – https://kimberlysueiverson.com/2021/07/17/full-name/
As it states on the blog post linked above, I wasn’t sure then if I was going to move all the other work to my full name, or leave them under the short version. Full version is Kimberly Sue Iverson. Short is Kim Iverson.
Well, the past month or so I’ve been playing with family history. Researching names, then looking up what Iverson means because I couldn’t recall. Only to discover once more that Kim IverSON is being confused on all those sites with Kim IverSEN. Now, this will seem small, petty, and whatever other reason someone may consider. They’ll be, “really, for that? Who cares? Let it go.” We’re always told, let it go. Move on. Don’t let it bother you. It’s time for people to stop saying that. Because usually behind that bother? Is months of similar. Years of it even.
When I first took on my full name I was happy! I was *big sigh* relieved to not have to explain again and again and again that it was a pen name (what I’d used) to people who didn’t understand the concept. And I didn’t have family history to speak on with it. I didn’t have to explain it wasn’t my real name. Or explain to people who knew me that this other name was what I wrote under. So go find me there. Spell it, explain it. Explain more and more.
Finally! Just tell ’em look up my name! Done. Fshew.
Then . . . I get weird comments on my blog. “I thought you were so beautiful until I found out you voted for Trump.” Wait. What? I didn’t vote for him? Hello? *crickets*
Then . . . I get people emailing me a lot. Commenting a lot. I explain I’m not THAT Kim. Try to redirect them and receive, “I don’t even know what you’re saying.” Later on, “you flirting with me?” Huh? Takes me a while to figure out OH this person is responding to something she said on her show. I didn’t listen back then so had zero clue what on earth they were saying, what post of mine they were responding to, or what they meant. It got to the point I began to just delete. Then block. So then harassment happened from some individuals on other sites. Like this website. So, I blocked again. Then blocked email. Blocked Twitter. Facebook. Tags, comments, page shares. Instagram. You name it.
This is nothing to do with Kim Iversen. Not only were many of her fans nice, and understood. But she even apologized on Twitter for the confusion. I told her no worries, I understood it and didn’t hold it against her. But then again we all deal with that “but,” as in, “but some were not nice.” And after it begins to build, you ignore it. You block it. You manage it. You spend mental energy fighting battles of confusion trying to sort out who is talking to you, and who is talking to something she said that you have no knowledge of. So I began ignoring more people. Maybe some even wanted my attention as a reader. Which am I to know when it’s 1% of the stuff? And I’m struggling to understand who is talking to me, and who is talking to another Kim technically?
So over the course of five years now I think? I have let it go. I have moved on. I have not let it bother me. I have ignored it. Until I couldn’t. Until I realized I had a choice to change it. I could change it. I have another way to use my name. So I could still be me, and have a far better chance at being seen for me, and not confused as another. Because she isn’t me. I’m not her. Just imagine if your name was the same as a certain disliked Preserdent. That.
I wanted my Iverson name because it honored my father and his family. So when confused with Iversen, it bothers me. After a time, it would bother you if it mattered. Even if it was a small and petty issue, I honestly don’t care anymore. I have had this bar held way above my head all my life. Have you? I imagine some have. Meet it or fail. Then they tell me how I fail. Over and over. They look down on me from said bar and wonder why am I not coming up to meet them. More so after explaining all the ways I’m doing it wrong.
So as I told my Discord group the other day? I’m gonna sit under it and do my thing. I’m not perfect. I’m tired of being held to a higher standard no human can ever reach by so many. I have had to fight most of my battles completely alone, have had to figure stuff out on my own, and work my tookies off to even get out of bed each day.
Shame has become commonplace. It grosses me out. I’ve lived under that shame umbrella all my life. Imagine you understand that umbrella too. More so in the current world. So I’m going to turn it to my advantage and do my thing.
Who among us wanna be lumped into a group and not be seen as an individual? I don’t wanna ride on the other Kim’s coattails. If my work sucks? If people hate it? I wanna know it’s ME. I wanna fail because I know 100% (or mostly) it’s ME. I wanna succeed the same.
At the very least I will be able to know that this is the right path for me. Because it’s been in my mind for months. What most don’t get with me is I think long and hard for weeks and months, and sometimes years, before I make a decision. They have this weird idea I don’t think about stuff, that I’m a dum dum. I forget a ton, mkay? Yes, I’m fully aware. I’m a goofball, a goober, and playful. Doesn’t mean my brain falters to put 2 + 2 together. But then tomorrow I may forget so there’s that. It’s stress as much as mental forgetties.
So I have come to the decision that not only am I going to be taking a publishing break since the Dragon’s Dawn series does need more work than normal so I’d be held back anyway. But, I’m going to change all my work over to my full name. My mental space doesn’t have it in me to fight that battle. Could I go back later? Sure. Could I end up changing my name again? Sure. Could I lose fans/readers? Absolutely. Could I fail? Yes. Not making much anyway right now.
So could all the things go wrong? Yes. Could the future change? Yes. But could it also be good? Heck, yes. Could absolutely nothing come of it? Also heck yes.
I’m doing it. This is what I feel is right and even when I struggle, whenever I’ve trusted my gut (sometimes with a lot of pre-thought) things have been good for me. Yeah, even when it’s been bad. Because it led me here, and though my career isn’t booming and I don’t have magical islands full of pretty unicorns and mermaids floating about, it’s not bad.
I said it to Meagan the other night when she was struggling with some thoughts. I asked her, below everything – what do you feel? How do you feel? What do you feel beyond what friends and family say, or expect. Society. How “it’s supposed to look/feel.” How do you feel at soul level about everything? She said it feels right. I told her that. That is how I guide myself.
It doesn’t mean that later on she can’t change. It doesn’t mean this is the wrong path, the right path. That this is the permanent path/not permanent path. What’s important is deep down – does it feel right?
Often some will say we can’t trust feelings and blah blah blah. But when you’re a person who is struggling in the mental area and you just need to figure out a path. That is how I do it. We can change tomorrow. We can feel different. Still. Often it’s the one way we can take that step forward, or keep breathing. This feels right, so I’m taking this path.
It’s a choice. A decision. It helps. Often it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a logic based choice as much as feeling. And when struggling, that’s the one I’ll reach for. I don’t look at facts and figures. Over time I feel it out. I don’t make rash decisions based on that feeling because that crazed one is usually anxiety and fear. Those I pause and wait. Take a bit of time. Time and patience will help feel it out. But when a decision needs to be made – choose that one. It feels right.
Who cares if you fail, or win? You learned.
(I better disclaimer this up because I feel like this could go wrong. This goes for anything I post. Disclaimer – We are all responsible for our individual choices, you are yours, and I am not advocating for anyone to do anything stupid. This is just my advice on how I handle some decisions. If you’re struggling talk to a partner, friend, family member, or professional.)
I’ll make a big thing here again so if people skim, this will catch their eye.
I may potentially (if someone is interested more so) dump all my old proofs. I have to get more so would be willing to sign them and send them to any of y’all. You pay shipping and then whatever you like on top of it. US only.
I’m not sure how long it will last. The publishing new work break. I may have another bit of news later on for other work I want to put out. For now that is remaining quiet because I’m working stuff out, not sure if I want people to know for now. And I want to see what happens.
I will still be doing blogs when I can, may be writing. I’m finishing up the current writing project by the end of the week – potentially. (Finished, move on to another.) Ummmm oh, will still probably be editing work on paper too. I know I’m writing all my sentences weird. This is how I write. My brain rearranges stuff often. This is what gets corrected in my multiple stages of edits, lol. I also know I have a bad problem of words like site/sight. Or it’s a word that sounds similar to what I’m going for, but it’s not the one.
If I miss those, I truly am sorry. It’s embarrassing for me because it seems I’m NOT spending all my time editing. That I’m NOT going over and over and over my work. On this blog? I don’t bother. Why? (Hears all the screams of it’s unprofessional!) Because I’m human like you, and I don’t have a professional editor edit my blogs. I just write because it’s the stories to tell, not the “learn perfect grammar from me,” blog. Frustrates me when books get to published place though and uh geez. Missed a bunch.
So if you have seen those, I know. I’ve been told. You’re welcome to email me those issues. I do honestly appreciate being told. It can embarrass me, it can exhaust me, but I wanna know when I’m doing those things so my brain does. Because when I’m told, it percolates in my brain, and then when I write? I catch it. That’s why anyone who gives me fair feedback and blunt honesty? No feels. No apologies. Just “I have noticed you have a tendency to use site instead of sight.” “Or “in chapter five you wrote site instead of sight.” I reference that one because I noticed that one and have it in my list of things to check for, lol. Nobody told me those ones. I’m just sharing how it’s good to give feedback. If an author responds to that sort of feedback in a negative way?
It ain’t got nothing to do with you. I have never responded to negative feedback in a bad way. Ever. I say thank you. Period. Readers shouldn’t fear telling an author what they think. Even if they ARE being rude to the author. It’s not right to treat another human being with that semblance of rudeness. Kimpinion 101. What? lol
I hope my work does better under my full name, but we never know. I need to find other ways of bringing in funds too because I need to increase my income. So I’m thinking of doing merchandise. Maybe mugs, first. Notepads? I’m always needing those and who doesn’t? Maybe a fun header on one. A quote. If you like one, lemme know. If you have other things you’d love as a reader, lemme know. I know shirts are always fun. And I’d love to wear some too. Phone cases I’m sure, but that’s a little more varied on who has what so dunno.
I do still plan to do YouTube vlogs too so if you’re wondering where those are? It’s just not quiet here for long and if so, it’s usually when I need to take advantage of said quiet, or I’m not awake. lol So that too I’m probably just gonna go with look, I’m doing it, and I’m not looking my best, but I’m not a pro I don’t want to be seen as perfect professional. I don’t care if it “looks bad,” “doesn’t look professional,” “authors have a brand image to maintain.” That has been the mindset holding me back. Everyone holds everyone to standards that not all can meet. It’s either never hear from me, or I do my best when I can.
I’ll probably try to record this as one. I told Meagan recently maybe if I focus more on doing it for her (we’re long distance) and give her something fun to watch whenever she likes (like when she can’t sleep), maybe it’d help me. Narrow the focus of my audience in my head. Not “oh my god the whole world can see this” (not that they do), but just “Meagan,” it might make a difference. I really wanna gush on her and I am trying to be good girl and not gush that bad. lol I will behave. Somewhat.
Sooooo I’ve spent over a week working on this, trying to post it, and I see again it’s 4pm and I need to just post this as is. Errors included. Screwball Kim included. Brain not working and I’m sure forgetting something I was gonna mention included.
Today’s numbers for Sofrir & Pheirgr of Atalantius Omega III.
Started the book – June 27, 2021
Word count last post – 65,322 words
Current word count as of today – DONE words
Total words written since last update – 40K or so? words
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