Knew I’d forget

I did. Totally admit it. Not only did I forget to fix the comments right after publishing as I said I would, (done!) but I also forgot what I was talking about. My eyes were getting blurry. I was beyond tired by the time I posted the blog the other night. At that time of night everything gets a lil’ hard to keep quiet and I struggle to focus on anything unless I go in my room. So my thoughts were too scattered.

When I was mentioning challenges and writing on the weekend, I was gonna mention my short story challenge.

Challenge for self, not a challenge I’m putting to you.

I’ve often mentioned I would try this so I am not entirely sure how good I will be about keeping to it. BUT, I wanted to try to write on the weekends. I know I just said the other day I try not to push myself to write on the weekends and here I am saying I want to. GASP. The HORROR of it alllllllllll. I’m a total hypocrite! I’ll save the trolls the effort.

Anyhoo. When I was mentioning that I tend to avoid pushing myself into the weekends and working then on the stories, I was going to mention (again, forgot) that it had a lot to do with working on the same story. I take a break from that story. I did also mean I don’t want to write on the weekends period so feel free to scream the above. I just don’t want it to become monotonous. Any writer can relate. Shoot, anyone with a job amiright? How many times have I heard one person or another mention how that same menial repeat can be the exhausting part? That it grinds on the brain and just wipes you out?

I mean it’s part of why we take vacations. To give ourselves a break, to get a change of scenery, to take a break from whatever it is we need a break from. I’m grateful I am a person who doesn’t need a vacation like others to replenish myself. I have learned small things to do daily, or even how to just dump everything on the weekend and become one with a chair or other object, and just relax as much as possible. I am not one of those people (trust me I get it if you don’t think that’s possible) who always need that change of pace. Just listening to music I like for five minutes can re-energize me in a way that it takes MONTHS for other people far away from home to achieve. I don’t get that same feeling from time away from home. Makes me feel the same if anything.

It’s not that I don’t get tired. It’s not that I don’t wear down. I’m not a saint, either. We all get worn down. We all get tired of doing the same again and again. It’s just a product of having been raised the way I did. I needed to learn to escape in my own way. Even beyond there. My mom loves to tell me how I’d go play behind chairs, happy as a clam, all by myself, inventing games. I’m naturally that loner type. The real loner. Not the mean person who can’t stand people.

I love you peeps! Erm, most people, even some personalities that others hate, can’t get along with, or otherwise avoid – they don’t bug me as much. Think as I’ve learned about human nature and the mind, it gives me more patience, or it’s just me. Dunno. Naturally I have a lot of patience, but I again am not a saint. As I’ve told Colin recently, he has FAR more than I do, which I absolutely adore him to pieces for. So if ya’ll think I have a lot of patience, well I know someone who far surpasses to me and I bow to that level he has.

I know how hard to push myself, when to pull back. I have learned through time to challenge myself, but also when not to. So now, it’s not always good for me to work into the weekends, but sometimes (like this past week) it’s not good for me to push myself into writing blogs while doing a final read through for my book, either. As I did, and I’m suffering the consequences. My eyes are bothering me. It’s 4pm here. I wasn’t gonna try to finish this earlier because they were struggling to focus so I went . . . I will just take it easy right now.

This has taken me days to write up.

I started to also doubt myself as usual. It’s not always super easy to be open for me, and being open can literally just be writing these up. I was also mentioning things that I decided I’d just delete. Went down a path I figured may instigate conversations I didn’t wanna have. Think it was even just yesterday I was telling Colin, I am strict with what I take in, and that even includes conversations. There are certain things we may say or do that we fully understand will open the door to someone poking their head in. So I deleted what may have been a door I didn’t want to have a discussion about.

So my short stories that I want to do on the weekend. As I said before, and I will repeat, I don’t like to push work into the weekends. I know better. That doesnt mean I won’t do it. That doesn’t mean I won’t want to play with short stories on the weekends. It’s almost what I see short stories as, and what they’ve been for me – play. Not work. Which is amusing, I know. Well, it amuses me at least. *whispers* I do find myself a lil’ amusing. Fine, a lot.

Another thing I do want to do is something that I think I have mentioned previously. Again, not sure when that would be accomplished. It’s recording some of these in audio, or video. That way those who prefer to listen, or for other reasons, they can listen. Maybe ya’ll just wanna hear my goober voice, who knows? I’m thinking they may start more with the writing advice blogs. Since I’m pretty random, I don’t tend to go out and out with PURELY advice/Q&A blogs right now – they’re mixed into the rest – but I would like to. Certainly not on a schedule right now. My schedule is the writing M-F, then everything else is up for grabs.

Do them up for people who want to share it with friends, or refer back, so they don’t have to peruse other blogs and information to find it? That sort of thing. Not because I know more than others. Not because I have better advice. I certainly don’t, and as the years go on, the advice will change as I learn more, adapt, grow. My own process will change what advice I give. There is no one way to do things, either. I just know that as a writer, I do love when my favorite writers talk about their process. Even as a reader.

With my short story challenge, it’s also just to get more shorts up in the mix as much as play. I have plenty of ideas that don’t necessarily meet the criteria for novel length. It would be nice to give my brain a break from the main story I’m working on and play with other ideas. It would be nice to keep the creative part of the brain whirring away, even on the weekends.

Though as I stated before, this isn’t going to be every weekened, I’m sure. This isn’t going to be an “I have to do this,” for sure. Just like these blogs? I won’t commit to getting them done daily. I was doing pretty good last year I think? At doing dailies, but then it slowly dwindled because I get tired, bored, and life creeps up going . . . you should focus on THIS thing right now and let your work suffer, lol.

Right now it’s constantly dinging in my head that I want to get pizza dough started so me brain won’t stop switching me to the clock and watching time dwindle away. I need to get that started, but I’m trying to finish this too since it’s been days. I don’t want to take a few more days. lol Got piles of laundry still all over my floor that I’m working through. Somehow the dog pile is always bigger than the human these days. And I already have a busy Sunday lined up since my mom got up asking me to deal with a few things so I’m not sure when I’d have time tomorrow and I’d like to write a lil on my newest short in my head. It is actually in a blog on this site – Calyah

When I was working on my DMDU world, and War of the Lycaen I thought of that story again. It has been haunting me for a while. I played with it for my creative writing course so I want to play with it a little more since I have a few pages already written. See what comes of it, see how long it goes. More so since it’s in first POV and I don’t tend to do first POV in any stories these days. 1st POV isn’t easy for most writers to get right because they just, “I saw, I walked, I this, I that.” When details and settings can be played a lot more so the reader forgets they’re even reading 1st.

So I’d like to play with that. See how much I can avoid using “I” statements and bring out more of the details to avoid saying “I” if that makes sense. Not as a purposeful avoiding (that’d make the story sound awk-ward), but naturally. I’ll definitely be keeping track here if I can. Maybe share bits too.


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