Never really considered it before

I had this epiphany hit me the other day. It was interesting. I live with two individuals who tend to hoard. One especially. There are stacks of books, stack of magazines, stacks of all sorts of stuff around the house.

This is something that drives me batty. I try to throw away absolutely everything that I don’t need because I have learned (think I’ve posted about this) not to value material anymore, over everything else. Like if we had a fire right now, I don’t have much I would grab on my way out. I’d be more concerned with getting the dogs out of the house. I’d grab my cell, the storage cards for my writing, maybe the laptop itself. Whatever could easily be thrown in a bag and out of the window, lol. After, I would be okay.

Would it be sad I lost a lot? Of course. But memories I have. Memories I can make. I can, as I even told Colin this morning, I can make happiness anywhere. I don’t “need,” outside to make me enjoy where I’m at. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am most days.

I learned years ago not to really focus on the material aspect. I feel that the more we try to place happiness in those things, the more likely we are to face that life lesson of hey good luck, it’s gone. I remember dealing with that as a teen. I felt I couldn’t be happy without a certain dog. I felt I couldn’t live without a certain dog. It took two of those lessons before I went . . . erm, I suppose I will appreciate them while they are there, enjoy them, and just love them. WHILE they are about, and not expect so much, not depend that much on them to ensure I “live.”

The lesson will never stop until we learn what we’re supposed to. That’s just how it works. Think you need another person to that point? They will be taken away. Think you can’t live without another? Careful. If you believe that down to your very core, they will be removed from your life. It’s fine to say it here and there while knowing deep down you’ll be fine. But the moment you truly believe your life will stop without them, that’s usually when everything goes up in a flame. I don’t think I’ve had that many happen that way, but that might be because of the previous pet experience.

But back to the “material,” things. I can appreciate nice things. I can enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing. Even something as small as a really nice coffee cup. If we enjoy it, why shouldn’t we? If we enjoy a hobby, enjoy it. I will do nothing in this life if it doesn’t bring me pleasure. I’ve said that a million times, I’ll say it a million more. It’s just my core value. As weird as that sounds, it is. It is a core truth for me. If I don’t find some sort of pleasure in doing it? Even if it’s giving way to another’s happiness? I simply will say no. I know how to be happy. I enjoy being happy. Pleasure is what I’m about. If my writing didn’t bring me pleasure, I wouldn’t do it. If chores didn’t bring me pleasure (or I couldn’t find a way to make them bring me pleasure) I would not do them. Everything I do has a level of pleasure to it, even if small.

IT has made my life that much happier to realize I have that level of control. So even material things, if I like it? I’ll have it, and thoroughly enjoy it. I will not feel guilty.

But.

That doesn’t mean that I like having clutter around me. It hit me the other day that I don’t think hoarders actually see clutter. Even people with slight hoarding tendencies. I have had this discussion often with my family. If there is no room to store something, it doesn’t matter how affordable it is, don’t buy it. Don’t bring more of it into the house. Because then that is when you see people store things in their dishwasher, on top of their stoves, and on. I have seen that in a friend’s house too. She had stuff on top of dressers, on top of cabinets, it was practically pouring out of the windows.

And that hit me this weekend. I think that one of the the reasons a hoarder just keeps bringing in things? Is because they literally cannot see the mess and clutter. They are actually convinced there is space to put stuff.

I can relate it to when I was overweight. When I was overweight, I don’t know that I truly saw the fat on me. Now that I lost the weight? I see fat. Almost typed fart, lol. It is a struggle for me to see how thin I am. I feel it in the pants falling down my hips constantly (I hate belts, they pinch me in the wrong place, lol), I feel it in the shirts that show there is very little stomach there anymore, and no muffin top. I see it when I put a tight thin pant on, and there aren’t tons of bulges. But the connection from brain to mind that says, “you are not fat,” is a struggle. All I see is the former me.

So I wonder if that’s a lot of how the hoarder brain works. I know that they place emotional connection to material things. I have seen a freak out when throwing away a cardboard box. But it finally hit me the other day that maybe that’s also why they allow things to get so bad. They don’t see it. Period. As far as they see, it’s a clean spot on the floor. While I’m tripping over something in my way and forced to throw it out, while I’m fumbling to keep stacks from falling over in certain places, the hoarder mind just doesn’t see it the way I do. It’s like my fat issue. Do I have certain places a little more jiggly still? lol Yes. But am I actually fat? No. I’m not at all and I know it. It’s still hard to SEE it. And most days I FEEL fat. But the latter could just be a feminine energy thing.

I’ve had many arguments over “there is no place to STORE it,” and finally I think I can empathize more with the way their brain must hide the mess. To get them to truly see that there is a very small pathway to walk and it shouldn’t be that way? It’s not something we can force into them of course. We can’t force change in another. We can’t say, “you’re nuts,” and it’s not their problem if we’re the ones allowing it to affect our emotions. Our emotions are our responsibility.

But it does make me understand it more and hopefully I will be able to manage my frustration going forward from here. In having to deal with it. I still can’t stand clutter. I get it from my dad. He used to pick up the smallest piece of paper on the floor when he’d see it. It’s just a natural inclination toward wanting clean around me. Wanting to be able to have that space for my brain to work. I’ve told Jeanie that too. Having my dresser clear of things and space around me? Allows my creative brain to flow. Allows me to think, to be at peace. Clutter around me is much like having it in the brain. It’s all bunched up in the mind and junk is all I focus on, I can’t think. I like peace. Being stress free is a big deal for me. Being a source of peace for others around me is too. Teaching them how to find that peace is too. We all need that peace. We can’t force it. But opening up space around you in your home opens up areas for you to breathe.

That’s a pretty random thing, but sometimes I am that random, lol. I like random.


Today’s numbers for Creations of the Galaxy.

Words at last post – 54,032 words

Current word count as of today – 54,661 words

Total words written since last post – 629 words


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