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Been trying to get some vids up

I’d hoped that I could do a video a day on my new YouTube channel I set up, but that went to pot. lol Went to pot = went to sh*t, but I say pot instead. lol Just means it fell apart. You’d think it would be easy to upload one video, but you gotta set the privacy, add the dates, the information, add it to a playlist, and the time begins to add up.

And time is a luxury right now. I prioritize what is most important to me. That is people around me, and my writing. I have the schedule I keep per day and if I end up with a few extra minutes here and there, I tend to fill it with other things I enjoy. Like, some random facts about me is that I gave up bothering to wear makeup long ago. Not that I use a lot mind you, but on occasion one does like to wear mineral makeup (the Avon mineral makeup really improves the health of my skin – random note for those sensitive skin folks) to help her skin and cover up the redness that can occur in skin, just to even it out. It’s like putting on clothes versus walking around in pajamas daily.

That small thing can boost the energy, or if you’re tired, it can rev you up. Small things. Some eat healthier meals and find that boost. Some go for an extra walk. Mine is either makeup, or I will garden more, play with my pets, blast music in my ears and dance about while I clean. Erm, the dancing part usually not when my family is about. lol Bubble bath is another time luxury. Self care for me surpasses everything else. I take more pleasure in those small simplistic things than any luxury trip around the world. It’s that deep cleansing breath when you’ve been racing about. It’s that walking in the door to home when you’ve been gone.

To me those simple things? I absolutely adore them. It’s like having less things as I was telling Colin yesterday. You begin to appreciate what you have, more. I’ve seen it in my dogs too. When they have a lot of toys to choose from, they stop really enjoying the toys and not entirely taking as much pleasure in them. They’re always looking for something else. So I will take a bunch out of play, put them away, then wash them and bring them back in a year. It’s as if they have a new toy. Or, I just limit how many they can have. When I’ve done that? I’ve seen how much more they appreciate the ones they have. They love certain toys far more and gravitate to them.

So I think it’s a universal thing. I know I appreciate those small gestures far more than the biggest things. I love the simple aspect of time being given. Appreciation. Shows of love. I don’t need to be whisked away to Paris one night for a five star meal. Take me to a fast food joint, pick up a meal, then a small park where it’s just the two of us. Perfect.

Or, heck just buy dinner so I don’t have to make it. lol After all I’ve been through in the past five plus years, I have seen how different I have become in that way. Not that I was ever the “material” kinda girl. But as I was discussing with Jeanie (and often do), I don’t do the material. I will get rid of a lot of stuff, and I have, all so that I can truly appreciate what is there.

Time. Time is precious. Moments are precious. The people in our lives. Those are the things we need to focus on.

Moments are precious actually lead me to this. I have managed to get a lot of videos up today n my YouTube channel. Figured I would take a minute to post this too. I have about nine before I have to make dinner, lol. Many more to come. Today was a bunch that include me, including some old vlogs that I shared for a giveaway. I wasn’t gonna post them, but I was all . . . sure, why not? I enjoy watching old stuff from Stephen King. Seeing the people? Hearing their voice, watching their mannerisms. It’s nice. It’s a way to connect to them in a way if we’re not physically there with them. And again, connection is just one of those precious things.

And if this boy, this bit of time, isn’t the most precious thing on earth, I dunno what is.

I’ve been fairly quiet on here as of late, which I apologize for. My brain has been working out a lot of thoughts and I tend to keep those aspects fairly private until I have something to say about it, or maybe have worked it out? Not sure what a proper way to say it would be. Guess that basically sums up a lot of it too, lol. Also with the past few weeks, I’ve been working to get Law of the Beast out and for sale so that is usually a busier and quieter time for me.

I hope all of you are doing well with all the energies in the world right now. If you’re feeling worn down, exhausted, headachey, sick, dizzy, aren’t sleeping well, having bouts of anxiety? All of that is perfectly normal. My energy was pretty balanced, but has been dipping in and out thanks to being woke in the middle of the night, or super early in the morning. Last night it was 3 am. Anyone who has been through the Dark Night of the Soul, or a spiritual awakening if you wanna call it that, knows the 3 am wakeup. It is like it’s the only way for our body to go through a change. So we get poked.

I feel good though. Lil irritable and tired, but just really good lately. Could have to do with someone’s ability to make me smile. Because people are precious. They need to be appreciated. They need to be respected, loved as is, and just reminded that someone cares about them. Cares that they are here, that they’re around, that they’re alive. When you find someone like that? Return it. Don’t play games, don’t hide, don’t fear opening up.

I read a quote that said basically, tell your story. If they can’t understand it, it wasn’t meant for them. Which basically is about not being afraid to be open and love those who come into your life. Don’t be afraid to love someone. Even if they’re not meant to stay, that’s okay too. We’ve become this world so afraid to open up and just BE loved, and to GIVE love except to our pets and children that I can’t help but think how different it would be if people were just transparent. Doesn’t mean you have to be an a-hole to people. But it does mean you may have to face the bad parts of you and admit when you feel like an idiot or shy, or vulnerable. We change though. In a positive way. That is the place where love grows and blossoms, and we become our best selves.

Dose it mean we potentially get hurt? Of course it does. I just remembered a cousin of mine. I won’t even get into the logistics of those lines. Genetic lines confuse me, lol. But she lost her husband of who knows how long (more than twenty or thirty years for sure) and within 6 months or so? She passed. My grandparents were the same. Heartbreak is real. We can lose ourselves, or pass away from heart break, we can get hurt. Isn’t that what this life is all about though? Opening that heart and simply saying I trust you with this. I trust you not to hurt my heart.

And if it doesn’t work out, it can be painful. I know heartbreak. I know nights where you just don’t want to wake up in the morning. I know pain. I do. And yet? I still have opened my heart back up. Carefully. Slowly. Cautiously.

Now I’m starting to think that is the place where the real stuff happens. You cannot know what a powerful love is like until you’ve known the opposite. Or, you can’t appreciate it when it comes along. That, too. To earn each other though? You’re gonna have to go through a lot. You’re going to face challenges. For some the challenges might be shallow. For some, they may be deep. Doesn’t really change that it will be a challenge. Then again, as they always say about the heroes journey? That is a road few can travel because it will not be easy, it will be hard. Maybe at the end of that challenging rainbow when two are meant to be together and they’re willing to wait, fight (not literal, please don’t take it that way) to keep the other, to stay in the other’s life, to be with the other, and to show the Universe – this one. This is the one I want, this is the one I will walk the pits of hell to have. This is all I have ever wanted.

*side note – often people read “go through challenges” as some extraordinary thing. Like you’re fighting and the like. A challenge can literally just be living states away from the other, or one is in school and can’t devote themselves to a relationship. Or, just overcoming past heartbreak and opening up to them, trusting they won’t hurt you. Doesn’t have to be some massive fight, or always struggling to get the other to love you.

If you’re not “feeling,” it and constantly in anxiety around them, that isn’t this. That is your body saying something. Don’t confuse subtle butterflies here and there , or concerns from the past, as your gut instinct screaming a point to you. If you have to prove yourself to the other, if you feel anything but yourself around them, again that’s not this. I’ve known both. Soul comfort around them? That is the good one. Makes me think of what Jenna Elfman and Bodhi say about the other. Even after all this time when they lay eyes on each other entering a room or something, they get that same burst of feelings they did when they knew that was their partner. I’d say simply, the feeling of love.

Maybe at the end of that path is the most rewarding and powerful love that ever existed in this world. Maybe when two souls are willing to show the Universe, nothing will tear us apart, it is the gold at the end of the rainbow. The love that will change the world.

And that sort of love? Is the most powerful force on earth. The one worth waiting for. It does exist. It changes you in ways you’ll never be able to comprehend. Look at Will Smith and his wife. Look at Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd. Look at Jenna Elfman and Bodhi. Only ones immediately come to mind. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty too. That love achieves things too. Because they both become who they were meant to be and are a gift to this world.

I will repeat – it is worth the wait.

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