And we are off, as it says in the title.

My opening line that’s been sticking with me for over a week.

In 2032 the world fell, but she was already on her way out.

I was going to say this morning, but I guess it’s been the past few days, really. I’ve been thinking about how there is that nice little prickle of fear that began the other day. Fear of the writing. Fear of not having story. Fear of a lot.

I have been writing since 18 yrs of age. Over twenty years.

A history for those who haven’t known me for too long, just found me (hiya!), or haven’t heard mention of this. I didn’t write as much back then. I wrote poetry, then slowly challenged myself to write one short horror story every year. I was big into decorating for it too so I’d be sitting at my kitchen table, candles lit, surrounded by spooky cobwebs and such. Then I’d jot down a quick story. Sometimes it would take a few hours, but more so it was just suddenly I would be overcome with that Halloween vibe, and start writing. Pantsing completely. I would begin with a short sentence, then off I went.

They were total cr*p. What? They were! lol And we all know it. Our first drafts suck, don’t they? Only this was 18 year old Kimberly who also didn’t have the best grammar, usually wrote about her own family and used friends as bait. I mean . . . characters.

My dad thoroughly enjoyed that, lemme tell ya. In one of my stories, he died. hehe “Well that’s not nice,” he’d replied, which only served to make me laugh.

It was soon after I actually had upped my ante and challenged myself to write a story. I’d written shorts, but had never finished a full on novel. I said to self – we need to finish one. Self said back – game on.

My first first story that I finished was either what is now Blood By Night or Dark Illusions: The Beginning. I WANT to say it’s DI, buuuuttttt I feel like it was BBN. Heck, with my memory it could’ve been something else. But the Dark Illusions story? Oh lord. Don’t ask how many times I rewrote it (I do mean reWROTE that tough lil cookie). Couldn’t tell ya.

Neither are the original titles. DI changed from Awakened: The Beginning because when I first published it, I noticed authors who were already established were using that name in so many of their titles and I didn’t like the idea of copying them. It worked out though. Everyone loves the title now. I get the occasional compliment on it. With the BBN, it was just a working title I used so I’m not gonna try to remember it.

After those original stories, I slowly trickled into getting the hang of finishing stories, and wrote more. Long before I began publishing. Many of those are still sitting in my drawers and aren’t even listed on my All Books page – https://kimberlysueiverson.com/all-books/

History lesson wrapping up, I have written and published 30 + stories. I have written more than that. So I have a fair amount of experience in writing stories. I have been published for nearing ten years now. Ten comes in 2021. Made plenty of mistakes in that time, but the writing has only increased. One would think by that time there is no fear.

But there is.

There always is.

I’m always afraid. There is always a level of fear with beginning a book, writing a story. No matter how many I’ve done, that fear remains. Why do I keep hitting it home? Because I want anyone who may be new to the writing world or publishing to understand that now that I’m almost ten years in? There is still that level of fear beneath it all.

Fear that I won’t come up with the “great” first line that makes the reader go . . . I need to read this. Fear that I won’t be able to come up with a good idea for a story. Fear that I won’t be able to finish it and I’ll cr*p out part of the way. Fear that people will hate it. Fear that people will horrifically judge me (that one is true – nobody is universally like hello) for no reason. Fear that people won’t care. Fear that people won’t read it. Fear that I will have to go into hiding. What? lol I have weird fears, normal fears, fears.

I do it anyway.

By the word count below? Where is the fear in that? TWO THOUSAND words for the first day, the first moment of writing. Most of it total cr*p I’m sure. But having put it to paper means that there IS story there. I HAVE something there to edit later on. It doesn’t need to be perfect (let me repeat that one to self many many many more times), and it doesn’t need to make total sense. At least I have it on paper.

Some fears are ridiculous, some are gonna happen no matter what we do, some are just voices in our head that we’ve had forever. I could go on. This is just something that I live with. I’d like to think I’m part of the majority of writers, not the minority, but either way those fears never go away. There was that little part of me that didn’t want to write today. That wanted to piddle and play and do anything but write because because because.

Fears.

I like the acronym
Fake/False
Events
Appearing
Real

I doubt they will ever go away. Been writing for over twenty years. They still exist. I just don’t let them guide the actions. I feel the fear and do it anyway.

---