Intolerant tolerance

“There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as ‘moral indignation,’ which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.”

Erich Fromm

Since this will be musings on a recent happening versus just a quick update, I thought I would write this here. I saw that quote above on Brene Brown’s newest post – https://brenebrown.com/blog/2019/10/09/doubling-down-on-love/ and it fit very well with the musings I was just having.

As you can see from the title of the post, this is based on those who preach tolerance and freedom, but are incredibly intolerant of others and behavior that they deem a no-no. Don’t believe what I do? Don’t hate what I do? Clearly you’re in the wrong. We’ve all been seeing this in the world. One word can trigger red easily – Trump. Doesn’t matter what you say before, or after, unless it’s in the form of him being a problem, hatred toward him, or otherwise.

I posted something on Facebook that I didn’t realize at the time would be an extreme trigger to people. I failed to see that people would read past the real message I was trying to convey and instantly label me a supporter of racism, bigotry, you name it. They’d get so deep into that fear filled anger just by reading certain parts of the message, bypass the real message I was attempting to convey, and go on the attack. Seeing through their own emotions into me promoting sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing while the world crumbled around me. Even was called a hyprocrite for supporting my own brother after I stated I support people’s rights, which is . . . confusing to me. Unless I am just that naive.

I keep having to take breaks though because it does physically get to me when people go on the attack.

They took – I support my friends and will never try to change their opinion out of controlling their thoughts, and instead fully support them and their free will to like and support whoever they wish.

And it turned into this – you support racism! (there is that default many go to right now , next will be she IS a racist, I’m sure) you support bigotry. How DARE you sit by on the sidelines and not take action or stand for anything. GROWR.

I do believe I literally said I stand for something in that post – people around me and their right to support who they wish, and their right to believe as they chose, NOT what I did, just because I did. I believe I said in my post that my stance on people’s individuality was that they have full rights to it and my posts are open to discussion from all sides. I said I support YOUR rights that this country was founded on.

Because I said at the end of the day I just don’t care what they believe, many misinterpreted it into SHE CARES ABOUT NOTHING. Which maybe shouldn’t have surprised me. Not with how people are so easily triggered right now. I was labeled as one who doesn’t follow politics or care whatsoever about it either and I asked if they’d seen my earlier question. Which was a political question of – should we get rid of party labels? You can read the post here that set everyone off. Perhaps I’m allowing my own triggers and emotions to read into certain things. Perhaps you’d like to attack based on those same thoughts the others had. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157780813437053&set=a.10153928309432053&type=3&theater

Just know the post is public, it will remain public, and I will not stop posting publicly based on other’s opinions or risks that I will be once more attacked. If YOU would like to hate me for supporting friends of mine, I support that decision. If YOU would like to attack me and be offended at the post because I didn’t incite rage and pitchforks, you’re welcome to. It’s your right, I support it. I support freedom of speech, I don’t just preach it and then limit it. I support it, and would like to engage in conversation with it.

My belief (that I ask nobody to take on mind you) is that we DO have a freedom of speech. We also have a responsibility with it.

My responsibility is how to say things. My responsibility lies in trying to express myself as well as I can. Your side of it is to take it in how you wish (with all those wonderful life experiences you’ve had, how you see people, what you’ve been through), and how you react to it.

I thought I’d written myself as clearly as possible to say straight out – I am not going to waste my energy trying to force other’s to change their beliefs, and instead support their choices completely. But maybe I could’ve written it better. Maybe I could’ve been clearer. Maybe I was supposed to write it as it was to trigger people to heal or run. I did have one run. He came to tell me all about how terrible it was (his assumptions of who I was from that one post) that I simply sat back and did nothing and didn’t want to ” Your not wanting to soil your precious philosophical soul only serves to strengthen that sack of excrement and his Republican enablers.” And “But, since you don’t want to be labeled as giving a shit one way or another, I’m done wasting my time and breath here. “

So basically a man who has NEVER commented on any of my posts chose to take his time and energy out of the day that he could’ve used to go down to said “sack of excrement’s” office and make a difference, and instead attacked me, then left. Instead of having a conversation and asking me what my thoughts were on it. He simply assumed that me supporting friends = “not wanting to soil your precious philosophical soul.” I wonder if he could ever guess what I’ve done and been through in the past few years. If he can’t have a decent conversation and instead runs away and hides after attacking me, hiding in his “comfort” of hate, he is doing the very same thing he says that he is against. He is spreading the hate and doing nothing to help change it. I fully acknowledge I may be reading all of this out of context and should even just ignore certain people, but I don’t like standing idly by.

I could be wrong of course. I don’t know him. What I know is that many of the very same who say they can’t support people who judge other’s and DON’T accept others based on skin, religion, etc., are also saying that they can’t support someone who DOES accept others and their right to feel and think how they wish to. I don’t have to agree with something to offer support to another. I don’t have to take on your belief to support you. I don’t have to even like you to offer you support. But instantly it seemed I triggered the “YOU ARE THE PROBLEM,” emotional reaction. So those individuals decided to take time out of their day to tell me I’m wrong for being a this or that, or doing this or that. As in, I’m wrong for being ME, but . . . they offered no constructive solutions. How could I do better then?

Another referenced Suffragette. What is that? For those who don’t know, I’ve linked it. It’s based on a group of women who fought for the right to vote. The commenter took “I don’t care,” in the post, and she believed it meant I care about nothing. As I explained, I said in the very next sentence I wasn’t going to micromanage friends and spend my energy trying to force anyone to take on a belief of mine. It didn’t mean I didn’t care about the world. If we look at history, we see we go up, not down. Fighting and screaming among ourselves? THAT achieves nothing. To take the above reference and use that context, those women supported each other and their decisions not to get involved too. Life is a balance. There are some out there who right now while on the street hoping to find a place to sleep tonight where it may be warm? They aren’t capable of worrying over who is in the President’s seat. There are children out there fixing to be sold to men wanting to use them wrongly. Are all the individuals filled with righteous indignation concerned about THEM in other countries? Or strictly who sits in the WH here and what we have to deal with?

People are so quick to judge, attack, assume, and go on the offensive. Meanwhile they too, if they took a minute, would see that if they aren’t on a plane right now, and instead are busy yelling at you for your beliefs? They are not helping to change and open lines of communication, they are shutting them down, shutting the world out, closing the door to change and being better than yesterday. No growth. Understand that it’s not you with the problem if you’re trying. As we’ve seen all over, people are filled with anger. They blame one individual, but at the end of the day, he’s not doing it. If that were an ex, we’d eventually say oh my GOSH you have GOT to let that go and get on with your life! They don’t control your emotions. They aren’t responsible for YOUR happiness!

I try to be a kind person. I try to live what I speak on, which is why I don’t advocate attacking those who attack. I admit 100% I get a bit snarky when attacked. I can’t help it. Maybe I can, but I choose not to in some situations. I’m trying to be better about that. I’m trying now, when I get emotionally triggered to take a moment, pause, let it settle, and then respond. I am TRYING to do better each and every day.

One of those very things is actually to learn to let people be who they are. Trigger warning again – If I have a racist individual in my life and I scream RACISTS ARE BAD! I hate them and go on and on and on about that, then run away from them? How have I solved racism? By running from one? Byyyyyy screaming I won’t support them and removing them? We have so many who preach kindness and want to change the world, but will shut the world out, harden their hearts toward anyone, and limit their circles to a tiny little drop. Then when they’re all “Racists are bad!” Everyone pats them on the back and cheers. Now . . . how has that solved anything?

Do you know what I do instead? Maybe this is wrong. Maybe this makes me a bad person. I’m okay with people hating me. You’re gonna do you. But . . . I accept them as they are. I try to understand them. I try to ask them questions and wonder WHY they are that way. What in their world have they experienced to make them believe in those things? I try to converse with them to get what made them so? Do they think that someone of another color (mind you, when someone’s racist, they can be anyone, not just those evil “white men,” we all hear about – beware of those ones, yeah? sigh. see? snarky. Bad Kim. Ugh.) I don’t TRY to change them. I simply accept them for who they are. I don’t take on their beliefs. I don’t agree with their beliefs. I don’t live daily with them in my face, but if I hear them say something wrong? You better believe I will have no problem telling them, “That’s not appropriate.” Or whatever I need to.

People don’t change because we say EEK! icky! And turn and run the other way. People change when given information. When shown how to BE better. To DO better. People are completely within their right not to take on my beliefs. Not to BE who I am. I would NEVER ever ever ever demand you to conform to my own thoughts. But if I scream about “I don’t support people who don’t like ___” Or hate ____ And then I turn around and judge them based on those same issues and have an intolerance? Aren’t I become exactly what I’m preaching against? Aren’t I JUST as intolerant of the intolerance? Where is the moral ground? Where does that line end? Where does it begin?

Have you ever seen a profiler? They seek to UNDERSTAND, first. Then to be understood. They don’t limit themselves into a small comfortable bubble. If we seek to change the world, we cannot do it without first changing ourselves. Perhaps I am wrong. Goodness knows I have heard all about how wrong I am all my life. I have attracted the most intolerant situations and I have been treated less than simply because I was female. I wonder how many of those intolerant can imagine what it feels like to be dismissed so easily? I wonder how many of those intolerant truly know hardship?

One of the hardest things I’ve dealt with in life is people who finally begin to get to know me, disappear or scream at me, attack me, a few years in, and poof. No more. I have known FAR too much of that.

But do you know something that has taught me? What it’s like NOT to be supported. What it’s like NOT to be accepted as is. I have learned what it’s like to have people walk away AFTER starting to finally drop my walls. I know what it’s like to be discarded by intolerance. Instead of trying to understand me, I was cast aside. Yes, of course, I am far too self-aware to not think maybe it’s just me. Maybe there is just something about me that I have to fix, that’s wrong, that’s not right. (That’s not a woe is me though it comes across that way, lol. I apologize if it does.) I understand this. I look daily at myself in the mirror to try and understand where I’m going wrong. But then I also have friends who adore me. Who’ve been around me for years and years and absolutely adore and SEE that I am who you get. I’m not preaching kindness then behind your back saying that ___. They’re such a ___. Nah. I don’t think ill of you. I don’t talk ill of you.

I truly am what you see. Accepting of the unacceptable. Understanding of the incapable to be understood. People read that status and believed that I don’t take a stand. I do. If you judge another based on one post? If you haven’t gotten to know me enough to make an informed decision off of over five years + of knowing me? I’m not the one in the wrong in that situation. We cannot know anyone until we understand them. We cannot change someone’s beliefs and decide they’re wrong based on our own moral indignation. There has to be a solid line in the ground where you stand and I’m sorry, but I can’t be one who says where that is. Because right now I know what I know NOW. But tomorrow? When presented with more information, I may change. I am open to that. I am open to learning from you. I am open to learning from people who hate me. I am open to you spewing all the anger at me you wish (I’ve undergone plenty of emotional abuse so I’m not new to verbal attacks or worse) if I trigger that in you. I won’t take that on. I won’t stop pushing kindness. There is a lot of anger and emotional triggers going on right now.

But the only way to change the world and make it a better place is to stop dividing, attacking, deciding we are God and arrogant enough to think we are all some holy divine soul that is pure and has no faults. So we can judge others of theirs. We can’t. My faults? I can be incredibly sensitive to certain things others aren’t. I can be defensive when I shouldn’t be. I can lose control of my temper and regret it later. I can self destruct and purposely do things to MAKE people leave. I am fully cognizant of those issue and I work daily to try to be better. I work hard to be a better person so that when you deal with me, I’m not forcing you to be stripped of your energy. I fight battles alone because I’m not used to having anyone to lean on outside of now having my editor/best friend.

I told her recently (well, I’ll change the how because I was being an emotional woe is me wreck, lol) that people see me as so strong and independent. That I don’t need anyone. They don’t see that I’ve never had anyone to lean on that way. They’ve said so, then when I did? They were not there. They were “busy,” or they were otherwise not interested outside of basically telling me where to go to fix the issue. I didn’t have the person who simply said, “I don’t personally understand that pain, but I know you’re hurting and I’m here.” Someone to just sit in that discomfort for me. I didn’t have people taking care of me and helping me that way. So it’s very difficult to drop that side and be able to let someone take care of me.

I’m being very open and raw here, I know, lol. I no likie *hides* But it’s part of my need. I need to do this. I need to shine my light. More than ever. Not from an arrogant point of view. Not because I think I’m better than someone else. Not because I want to push my beliefs on you. I certainly have a wee bit of hesitation from the hate comments I will get, but let’s look at Jesus. His plan was to show love and all that goodies, yeah? Did he say curse you I hate you, ewwww, be gone! Or did he simply show who he was and allow that to be the guide? Exactly. (Watch people get religious triggers now. Goodie, lol.) I’m doing this because this world needs people to be vulnerable. The hate cannot win. The darkness needs to be driven backward. Openness can. Love can. Far too many are so filled with fear and hate that even if this is hard for me? I will do it.

That problem with us darn Leos. We have courage up the wahoozie. Even if petrified, I know I heal. I know my words can help. Yours can too. Your message needs to come out. This world needs more who can just say LOOK, we need to stop and look in the mirror. WE are the change, not the government, not the world, not this or that. WE are. WE need to do better. WE need to be better. Not THEM THEM THEM. Who are them? Aliens? Probably aliens. (I mean ALIENS like space peeps.) It’s always aliens. You know it.

Some who read this may not like the jokiness of the post. That’s okay too. Again, I support that as well. They’ll read shallow. Do you know what I know well? Psychology. Eek! I read books on the human mind for fun. I know, total weirdo. But I enjoy them. One thing you’ll find too is that with comedy people absorb. Think of people like George Carlson, or even if you no likie him as a man, Bill Cosby. Think of people like Sinbad and Joan Rivers. Think of Richard Prior. These were individuals who didn’t fear what they had to say. They KNEW people would get angry. Why? Because those comedians held the mirror up to life. They said exactly what they dealt with and people were able to laugh, but inside go . . . wait, is that true? They incited you to think beneath the comedy. They showed real life, family life, what people deal with in their day to day life. So yeah, I lighten things up with jokes and goofiness. Because then it’s easier to take in.

If it gets too heavy you may also fall asleep. So there is that.

If you like what you read, leave a comment below. And yes, I will support your right to be angry. Feel free to vent that out! It’s not healthy to keep it in. I genuinely mean that. We must always be honest with our thoughts and feelings. Even if it stings, I’ll listen. I don’t need to be fixed, but I do listen to people to see if I need to rethink things or try to adjust how I do things. Tell me your experience with anything on this post. Discuss with others on the post. I’ll defend everyone’s right to speak, even if differing from my opinions and I know not everyone thinks like me. Also, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this, consider it, maybe consider what I’ve spoken about, and if you do leave a comment. I ask you to be kind if you comment though because you don’t know what anyone is dealing with. And some of those comments on my post bother me because what if I wasn’t in a good place? Words have power, especially when we’re not doing well.

If you like this content. Like, comment, and share with your friends. Follow for more. And yes, there will be more. I’m trying hard to keep stripping myself open – we all need this, not just me. Maybe me a lil more. I’m always open to learning more about you, hearing how you think. Open discussions welcome. 🙂 Maybe we can learn from one another & gain more wisdom. I look forward to your thoughts if you feel inclined to. Hope to see you around here again. As I grow on this Journey of Life, maybe something I say will help you. Maybe you’re just gonna sit back and laugh at my stupidity. Either way works. You’re still a wonderful human being worthy of so many dreams come true.

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