All of a sudden completely worn down feeling. That’s so weird, lol. My body has very interesting the past few days. On Saturday I just had pain hit me in my ankles, wrists, and a few bits of shooting pains in my knees. It came on all of a sudden and I was really tired.

Yesterday I had to wrap my ankle, then the pain began to subside later that night. Today I have my wrists wrapped as they are still sore, but not intense pain like yesterday. But now today exhaustion just hit me a few minutes ago. Like a total body collapse exhaustion. Body is being odd. It actually ties into what I’m going to mention though.

Consciousness. That’s been on my mind for a few days now. I watched a movie about two people who’d known one another in different lives and then a tragic near death event took place which awakened their past life memories. They had a spiritual awakening, an ascension process they went through separately, but together too because it was both of them.

It was yet another synchronous moment for me because that’s been something that I’ve been learning more about. Past lives and spiritual awakenings, twin flames, soul mates, soul contracts, and so many more things that most individuals would easily tell you don’t exist. Their very logic based thinking, and mind (as I once was mind you so there’s no judgment when I speak of this since I understand it), will easily say that stuff doesn’t exist. That stuff can’t be proved therefore it doesn’t happen. Or simply the non-belief because the belief is too strange to them. Opening the mind to be able to wrap around the concept of having lived before or that your conscious mind awakens and goes through a spiritual change, which then changes the world around you, has always been seen as some “off” thing.

Men will often be said to go through a “mid life crisis” in those moments, or women may be accused of being depressed, losing their mind, any number of excuses, but the fundamental idea that one can’t understand until they go through it, is that it’s a true awakening, spiritual awakening. Maybe perhaps even reliving a past life trauma brought to the surface as happened in this movie I watched.

I should disclaimer this and mention the movie that I watched followed a lot of what I’ve been learning and experiencing so I’m not using all these thoughts from “a movie,” as much as there were things IN the movie, which I’ve experienced myself and a couple things which made me reflect on even my stories I’ve been writing, in a new way.

And mind you, I’d reference the movie, but I cannot for the life of me remember what channel it was on, where I watched it, or what it was called. Lovely brain I have, lol. And when I say channel, I mean through Amazon, Netflix, or Xfinity. We have a couple things to choose from. He was an actor, she was a doctor (scientist) so there’s that. haha.

What happened in the movie to set them both off was a random encounter on a pier one early morning when she couldn’t sleep and went for a run. He was drunk, celebrating getting a part, and then a wave knocked him into one of the pilings, making him drift underwater. She jumped in, saved him, he was taken to the ER.

Which is when she began suffering from PTSD, couldn’t handle water to the point that she couldn’t bathe or shower, and his entire life was turned upside down. He didn’t have much interest in the regular people, could barely read a script, and wasn’t able to sleep so would get drunk.

That’s a lot of what happens when we suffer a spiritual awakening. Especially when we meet that significant person, twin flame, divine connection, whatever you’d like to call it. We shift. Our consciousness awakens, we ascend further into being a whole new self, and our entire lives are transformed. Many seem to be having that experience as of last year, and especially this year even if they aren’t conscious of what is happening, the symptoms are there. For many it happens with meeting their twin flame/divine counterpart. For others I believe it can happen from a significant event in our life. Most likely happens a few times or more in our lives. But a huge awakening will take place with meeting that one connection.

Like in this movie they’d be described as twin flames. But also, as many in the twin flame community believe, they had a past life together. For them, the reason why she was so afraid of the water was because that was how they both died. She drowned. So having met him, he awakened that part of her who’d existed before, and the felt this big connection toward one another, they awakened, then . . . no spoiling the ending. lol

One thing I recently heard, which I’m still pondering on is the idea that the more intense the connection with someone, the more lives you’ve spent with them, and the more suffering one or both of you went through with that other. The only way to heal that connection and not continue dealing with that suffering pattern is if the one who suffered the most in that connection changes. They have to shift what they always did, and do something new.

Say they were a runner (over taker), they stop running. They were a chaser (over giver), they stop chasing. Or in other ways, they weren’t opening up because they were hurt before, they have to open up now. And the reverse. One (or both – likely both as its a relationship whether romantic or not) have to alter how they were operating before. Whether their relationship continues in this lifetime is up to them and divine timing. I can’t offer much opinion on that one as that one I recently heard, opened up to the idea, and I’m still working through it. Makes sense to me though.

In the movie you even see that they both knew one another before. Though they had no conscious realization of it, or their past life. In the movie, he has a drawing of a woman’s head, but not the eyes, not the face. It is her hair, her jawline, and everything but the center of her face. That reminded me of the face I’ve always seen in my dreams. There, in my mind’s eye, has always been a face of a man with dark hair, who is slightly taller and older than I am. I never saw the center part of his face, like the drawing this man had in that movie.

Seeing that drawing reminded me of that faceless man I’ve dreamt of my entire life. Many would speak of coincidence, but I kept watching those things in this movie thinking to myself, whoever wrote this really understands what this process is like, don’t they. It’s a huge life shift that takes place. The consciousness of the individual changes, how they look at the world, everything about the world they’d built up and always wanted? It changes. Suddenly everything they ever worked up for and had ideas for changes. Looses the luster if you will.

In that movie was a scene in which the girl begins to wonder if she’s not in fact going insane, but there is a reason for her sudden fear of water. If her issues aren’t just a random depressive episode brought on for no reason and in fact is more. She seeks help and eventually the doctor (she’s fortunate in that way, I don’t think many are so lucky) speaks of hypnosis. I believe she even mentioned that it could be related to past life issues. Perhaps a memory that is reliving itself and infecting the woman’s current world. She never puts it together as pairing with that man she saved. They both migrate toward one another again and again, but don’t necessarily realize that they set one another off. It’s just suddenly their lives go poof.

When she regresses, she realizes that in her previous life as Elsa (so entertaining that I remember all those details, but not the name of the movie), she grew up with a Jewish boy her family took in, David (may have been a different name). That they grew up together, fell in love, and planned to marry when they both drowned and separated. She tried to ask him if he remembered her, he went off on her, yelling at her and telling her to leave.

Again, I won’t go on after that because it’s the end of the movie pretty much. But she’d asked a co-worker who was a scientist if consciousness could pass on. If genetic memory could be passed on in DNA. But as he pointed out, it could if it were true DNA, in which it was a family member. Say, our great (50 times over) grandmother of ours passed on potential memories to us. But she brought up the idea of genetic memory being passed on without it being a family line. As in when we die, our consciousness passes into another body. The co-worker was mentioning, but how would it be stored. Meaning that if our bodies died, our minds would die, our consciousness. It would simply cease to exist because like many, in that movie, it brings up the question of storage.

What would happen when we die? To our aware selves, many don’t like the idea of us floating about. But then we talk of energy (and this is where it’ll tie into Mila’s story from when she was Mina, Mystery, then Mila) and how our souls are just energy, I wonder if it’s possible that our previous lives do in fact continue to exist and pass into one form and then another and continuing on. Like with Mila, when she was Mina, she cast a spell to cast her soul into the void and as a whole representation of herself, she can move into a new form when the time is right for her to enter this life as her conscious self, and exist again.

In which her case, she must be awakened by Stefan’s presence and their connection (twin flames/ divine connections indeed) actually wakes her up. Stefan always knows it’s himself because he’s never ceased to exist.

Watching that movie this weekend really gave my brain a workout on that front. Past lives and consciousness, then awakening. All those thoughts started to percolate because of my stories, and my own learning about that subject this past year or so, and going through my own intense spiritual awakening which many would confuse as simple depression. But anyone who ever goes through even a mild awakening could tell you, it is so much more. I think depression is far too easily diagnosed when what we go through in that situation is much more complex than being down in the dumps. There are core things happening inside of us (I have been in that black hole so I’m fully aware of what it is like, even nearly committed suicide at 16 because of it).

So tying back into my Mila tale, past lives, and the like, I started to think about that some more after hearing that one discussion between the woman and her co-worker. Then I began to think about how in the story, Mila sends her consciousness (soul) out into the world so that she’ll remember herself later on before her physical form dies. I’ve never really considered writing that as more than a fun idea, but now I ponder to myself, what if we do that already?

What if when we die, our consciousness (or energy forms) leaves our physical form (the body) and we either reenter a new form emerging (yes, whether it be human or not – don’t get me started on how I do also believe plant life is alive) into life at that time, even if it’s a half a second of life before passing into another at the presence of death, only to once more emerge into a new form? It could explain the many ideas around some having multiple past lives, or none. Whereas it’s not necessarily that we don’t have any. Maybe that we only have a certain amount of truly important ones we remember. And it’s upon connecting with someone else from a past life that’ll set us off into that space of awakening and remembering. Maybe we don’t consciously remember, but it’s there.

It’d serve as knowledge if nothing else, into us becoming the better selves we’d be. Again, whether we’d consciously remember having lived before or not. Yes, a new consciousness is born each time we are born. As Mila has also experienced in the stories. Every time she is born, she is a fully functioning force of consciousness. It’s when she connects with Stefan that she remembers truly who she is and continues to do so. That she has lived before, in another life, as another consciousness. It’s because she connected with him. Otherwise she wouldn’t remember or know. She’d go through life, unaware that she was anyone else before. It’s not that we aren’t individual people. That each person who enters the world isn’t an individual consciousness. It’s that some of us aren’t even supposed to remember or just have no interest in it (whether consciously or not) so then we go through life, oblivious of ever having lived before (maybe some of us haven’t) and our lives are still very fulfilled and fine as is.

Whereas others of us have lived before, end up wanting to know that before we emerge into this new life, so therefore we do end up making these plans (spiritual community usually calls them soul contracts) to meet others we’ve known before because we know that’ll remind us who we are. Then we’re going to awaken. We may not consciously remember having known them before, or lived before, but we connect intensely with others and with certain things (ever wonder why we’re drawn so intensely to one era versus another?)

What’s interesting about past life discussions and synchronicity is having heard someone recently say because of the Scorpio moon, some of us may be experiencing sudden physical pains with having connections to past lives. Something about that hit me which was very random and out of nowhere. Even the person who said it was surprised at having said it, and that the information would come up as she was speaking. It made me think of what I was feeling that came on out of nowhere and for no discernible reason and made me think of what would happen if in our lives we connected with another part of us which had existed (like that movie subject before). I was pondering that too yesterday while I cleaned the backyard of doggie poo. lol Wondering if sudden pains like that sometimes might occur for no discernible reason because we’re experiencing something we went through in another time.

Random sidenote for that one really, but there was a time for years and years (okay, the majority of my life) in which I never really considered having lived before as something real. Sort of like how I wrote about soul mates, part of me connected with my dog Kona to the point I’ve been calling him my soul mate, but it was more from feeling a connection to him that I’ve never felt before to anyone or anything. When I wrap my arms around him and hug him, it’s unexplainable how it feels, how it seems to just revive my very being. I’m sure people can relate to their pets making them feel better, but . . . it’s just different to how this little booger feels when I connect with him. So I liked to say it, but I’m not sure I truly believed in soul connections like that (especially as potentially having lived lives with them before) or anything of that nature to the degree I’m beginning to.

But then I started to experience a shift in my world nearing two years ago now, maybe just under that, in which I’m starting to think on all these other aspects. I’ll most likely use them and write them out like this one because why not? If people disagree, that’s fine. If people agree, maybe I’m gonna help someone feel not so weird (like I’ve been) for having these thoughts. Or I’m gonna offer a new way to look at these ideas and offer some “thinking” material as I do with my books. It’s one of the best compliments my editor gives me. “You’re really making me think with this.”

I do so love those double-entendres. I like to make people think, In a new way, in a different way, or just in general. I do a lot of thinking myself, much of it is outside the box, and have rarely connected with others who think along the same lines as myself so it’ll be interesting to see who relates, but seeing that this stuff is also addressed in my books, I figure, why not?

This doesn’t harm anyone. If someone is offended, I’d have to ask why. What about this makes you feel defensive? It’s purely my thinking being written out. What would make another so angry and have to be “this is why you’re wrong,” when I’m neither right or wrong on my thoughts. Many of these thoughts are reflected in the spiritual community, in certain religious speeches, and even scientific ideas that I study. I’m not referencing anything because I’d be searching and linking for days and hours. And really, that’s the point of us learning on our own. We come across someone like myself, read up, relate, follow, learn.

Then slowly our own thinking progresses or changes, and we then unfollow, find someone new, and continue to learn. I’m going to post more on relationships and becoming a better human being and this is sort of the start of it in some ways because I want to become a better person. I want to explore more on this subject, learn more, open myself up to more considerations such as this. I don’t mind being told I’m wrong by random commenters either since the majority of what I’ve thought has always been outside the realm of the majority and the most annoying quality of people who sometimes follow me? Are those individuals who like to follow me to tell me I’m wrong, and they are so incredibly stuck on that idea that they’ve actually commented on posts I’ve made on Facebook, telling me I’m wrong, then telling me why, and telling me exactly what I wrote. 

It’d be like me saying the sky is blue because I look up and see it’s blue, then someone comments, “Actually the sky is blue because when you look up, it’s blue.”

Literally telling I’m wrong and telling me their thoughts which is exactly mine, lol. That’s how important it is for some individuals to prove that they’re right and I’m wrong. They have it so set in their mind that they read what I wrote as wrong, but it’s exactly their same thought. And I call them on that. “You wrote exactly what I said.”

It’s the brain’s fault, really. They’d convinced themselves that I am that naive and unintelligent that the brain connects them to only the parts of what I’ve said which validate the things they believe. They aren’t open minded enough to see the reality of what I’m saying or allowing them to see a new side to their beliefs. I learned that in my psychology course that one day I hope to go back and finish (life got in the way and I had to let it go for the time being, but I was getting ready to graduate with honors 😦 lol ). Truth validation. Our minds will see whatever validates our beliefs.

Say you hate Trump (I went obvious, sorry, lol). You’re going to only see and hear the things to validate that and it’s going to take a very open-mindedness to see things that convince you that the hate is unwarranted. Say, if you hate him because you believe he hates women. The mind will only connect you to stories of his mistreatment of them, and if you see real proof that truly validates an opposite belief, the likelihood of you believing that? Even if it’s multiple things that come up, even if it is one hundred percent wrong and that will prove you are wrong on that belief, your mind won’t believe it. You will see what you perceive is truth, and it’s going to be very hard for you to be convinced of otherwise.

That doesn’t make us bad people. God, no. It’s just the way our brains are wired and only training ourselves to be open enough to receive new information and readily (and greedily) consume enough that we can form an educated and new opinion will change our opinion. As you can see, I said it’s the openness and training which is most important. We’re basically creatures of habit. Habits can’t be formed without diligence. I believe openness is a habit too. And that’ll only be formed with work.

Going back to the previous thoughts though, I’m going to be sharing more and more as I’ve always wanted too, but this is taking my own habit of doing it to get that habit up. And to realize there are people out there who do give a crap and want me to. That has always held me back. Who am I to say such things? Who is going to care? Why would they care? But I’ve been watching many people, reading many things lately, that had they not been posted/uploaded I wouldn’t have had the chance to. I wouldn’t have found someone to connect with and information which helped me learn, etc.

Which is why I’m going to try to open up more on this. I want to. I have so much information I’m constantly taking in, that I might help another with. It helps my writing, helps my life, helps me become the person I want to. And I’m going to also set myself up on bettering myself too. I’ve been doing so since I was 16. I was the one who got myself back on track. Nobody else helped me. I’ve never been able to depend or trust others that way, but that is a fault of mine. Recently I learned about counter dependency. Which is the opposite of co-dependency. Whereas instead of us leaning on others for our happiness, we are basically so hyper independent that it becomes negative.

That’s been an issue of mine. Broken so much by those around me that I even said to a friend some weeks ago that I was tired of putting faith, trust, and hope in others, only to have it broken. But by saying that, I also admit, I still have a lot to work on I realize. It means I still have to work on opening myself up. On breaking free of my old patterns and habits. Granted, it’s also time on my part. My work takes up so much time that when I go to write something like this, which has taken two hours (pause and restart a few times to deal with doggies too, lol), can interfere. Then the over-thinking, “nobody cares,” begins and I pull back, wimp out.

I’m not a typical spiritual person anyway. I’m attitude walking at times, have a temper, can get aggressive, so to think I’m a sweetiekines 24/7 is wrong, wrong wrong, lol. But I’m working on that too. I used to be far worse, hold grudges, make myself miserable, not control my emotions in any way. I’ve become loads more patient now, talk things out generally, and freely call myself a wimp and call myself out, lol. I want to be better than I was even yesterday. This is all pretty random, but that’s the way I do these and will be. They’ll be amongst the rest of my posts. We’ll see how it goes.

Today’s word count for Discovery of an Enchantress

Started Wednesday at – 42,309

Ended Wednesday at – 45,284

Total word count for Wednesday – 2,975