Following their gut

Taking a break from working with pizza dough (it’s rising to make homemade pizza tonight) to write this up. Also washing dog blankets and formatting The Culling Cycle for sale. Working on replacing italics in the Nuclear Purge Method that Smashwords recommends. Also dealing with Cheyenne (shih tzu) being sick all night has left me with one brain cell working. Her body has been going through a faux pregnancy after her periods so now it’s top priority to get her spayed. I’m trying to get her weight up, and we like to up their meat intake before a surgery so it helps them get through easier. However her body isn’t being a good little body and cooperating so she’s been getting tum tum aches. She had a lunch of plain rice and she’s been better.

Something close to my heart is exactly what Stefan and Mila are having to deal with right now. They have exhausted their resources. Tried to find Verrick. Tried to ask Lycaen Ridge about Verrick and Kylarra.

So at this point, Stefan pointed out to Mila that they only really have one other option. It’s not as if they can keep wandering around and piddling their thumbs. Mila is a seer, yes, but that’s yet another reason why they have to go visit Kat. As Stefan pointed out to Mila in the car ride there, Kat is stronger with her visions than Mila. It’s not because Mila can’t see. She can. She came from a powerful seer despite their family line technically being disrupted by the fact that Mila was made in a test tube and not conceived naturally. Oh, and that little factoid of possibly having demon blood in her?

Possibly. That hasn’t been confirmed.

But Kat has been having visions for a while. Remember what I discussed the other day about my writing, about practicing (https://kimberlysueiverson.com/2018/04/05/well-at-least-they-found-out-something/) in general. Well it works the same for a seer like Mila versus Kat. Kat has been experiencing visions for a while, but since she became a vampire, they’d become stronger. Then she became Queen, had her child, and those strengths grew. She’s not an Enchantress like Mila. So where Mila can sort of control the visions, Kat has stronger visions. Oh, that just hit me too.

Mila and Kat will work together (at least this is in my head as a possibility, but we don’t really know what the characters are going to do) to play off each other’s strengths to prod that vision. Because every time Kat attempts to see into the vision, find more information about Kylarra, something taps in. Then, without giving spoiler information, the end of Fury of a Queen proved that she has to be far more careful with her visions. Except that’s the difference. Kat doesn’t control her visions but Mila does.

That moment above was me realizing that was how they’d play off one another. Mila can control, but Kat has the strength of them.

Anyway, Stefan points out to Mila that at this point, they have to follow their gut. And where do those instincts point them? Directly to the King and the Queen of the Awakened. Which is now why I see I started this story before they met up with Kat and Julian in Fury of a Queen. Because they found out more information on Verrick.

Little do they know that Verrick had just been there with the King and Queen of the Awakened. Of course Stefan is going to notice. He will have scented Verrick the moment he hit that property. Might be why he was mister grumpy beast at the end of Fury of a Queen. I mean I’d be grumpy. Looking all over for Verrick, then I find out he was there with Kat and Julian the whole time?

Stefan doesn’t know it was for only a moment or that Verrick came looking for Kylarra. He will only know he smells Verrick in the house, around the house, and be all grrrrr. How dare everyone.

But it’s important to follow your instincts like that. Stefan and Mila know they need to go see Kat and Julian. So they know that right now, that gut telling them to go there is right. They will discover those missing puzzle pieces.

That’s something close to my heart too.

I’ll veer off the story path to my life path, and yours too.

Learn to follow your gut.

I know that is easier said than done. I know it’s one of the hardest things to learn, but I have to tell you, it’s also the most rewarding. It’s been in my head a lot the past week.

You’re probably wondering the same thing I still do. How do I know? What is the gut instinct? 

That is that little whisper within your chest and stomach. That small nudge when you’re wondering which way? That little flutter of warmth that says yes  or no.

Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

The more you listen, the louder and stronger it gets. Only one time in my life did I not listen. I got physically hurt real bad and the repercussions from it in my real life are still ongoing (raped then stalked). I’ve doubted it, I’ve regretted choices I made in the immediate moment, but I have never been misled by it. Later on, those regrets I had about listening to it though? I didn’t actually regret. Only in that exact moment of fear did I regret the choice. I had the typical response.

What if. . . .

Oh that damnable what if question. Only . . . I’m happier now than I have ever been because I trusted that gut instinct. I listened to it. And I realize now that it happened for a reason. It was a good thing after all. Sometimes even in the moments that I hated myself for it. I hated how I made the other person feel when I held back only now to realize I was being protected from loving someone, and giving my life to them, when it would’ve been an emotionally and probably physically abusive relationship. See back then I only said to myself, why am I holding back?! What is WRONG with me?!

Then I realized oh. Because in the past year I took a leap of faith on a random stranger who I felt more connected to than I ever have before in a male. I threw out all the conventional wisdom and all my, “I hardly know this man,” fears or, “This has gone horribly wrong before and left you broken-hearted and crying your ass off.” And my swearing off of any man I met online and I listened to my gut and just opened up. I feel too deep, I love with every part of my being so I don’t freely fall for anyone. That story is still ongoing so I don’t have a “and this is how it turned out,” ending.

But that happened with my career as well. Every single part of me balked at throwing a social life and doing the “right thing,” out of the window, and just plowing headlong into something that felt right to do. Every rational part of my brain was screaming at me, telling me that I was making a mistake, but this little whisper within spoke softly, telling me, “you can do this.” Has it been easy pursuing a career and spending every single last minute getting better at it, learning how to, working at it? Let me scream – no.

I have had so many people telling me so many bad things. I’ve faced people in my personal life putting me down, I’ve been shoving against a huge boulder from the moment I decided to truly throw myself deep within this path two years ago. This story is also still unfolding, but now I have two people who’ve said straight out they believe in me (Paul and Jeanie) and slowly I’m seeing the progress of what I’ve been doing coming into fruition. Let me tell you straight out it’s been five years of slugging through shit to even get to this tiny place.

When I first began self-publishing I was like many others. I saw money coming in regularly. But the problem with not honing the craft and not focusing on building my backlog as well as truly committing to it? I was half-in. I didn’t go all-in. And it showed by me falling flat on my damn face. That’s why I trusted my gut, left AVON after over ten years when I knew that wasn’t my path, and went all in on an instinct. I went all in on a leap of faith that gave me no other out. It was this, or it was nothing. And I’m beginning to see a tiny prick of light at the end of the tunnel.

The other path that made me slog through the mud was losing weight and getting healthier. Here’s a secret: I do actually eat fairly healthy. Don’t tell anyone! I allow myself treats like junk food and the like, but half of my diet to three quarters of it? Actually fairly healthy. I don’t even eat much meat. Just don’t like the flavor much, really. I crave healthier food as I get older. I also look younger because of my lifestyle.

See back when I was overweight (nearly 200 lbs, yo) I could barely run up and down the stairs. I decided no more. It felt like I was headed toward a heart attack. So I swore off negativity, attempted to get control of my furious temper, and began a lifestyle change to lose the weight.

Let me tell you how many times someone told me to stop. “You’re thin enough,” or the lovely neighbor who I brought Christmas cookies too. She’d actually looked at me as if I was sick and asked me if I was all right. This naturally thin woman herself, looked at me, a person who’d lost a lot of weight by walking around the block — a block that same woman saw me walk around countless times — and asked if I was sick. She thought I was anorexic. Bringing her cookies. Yeah.

But based on pure instinct of me feeling as if something bad would come of me not losing the weight, and knowing that I was capable of doing it, I swore I would achieve it. Even when people didn’t believe in me. Even when they told me to stop (so supportive). Even when I doubted myself. Even when I struggled. I kept going. I followed my gut on what to do, how to do it. I listened to my inner voice. That story at least I can safely say is ongoing, but I did lose the weight. When I look back at photos of myself from back when I started at 18-ish years old? I can’t believe how I look younger now at 37 than I did at 18.

It’s not just about losing weight, or achieving goals though. Following the gut instincts lead us on the path we’re meant to be on. Some may call that a higher voice. Our higher selves maybe. God, the Universe. But whatever term you use to define that voice? Listen to it. 

Even when the doubts creep in. Even when it doesn’t feel right at the time. Even if it means going against all normal advice. Taking a leap of faith. If you’re working through a decision right now. Simply put it out there, what do I do? Get specific too! Maybe, do I pursue a lawyer career? Or how about do I call Jane up? It can be that simple, or that complicated. You will be led on the right path if you listen to what comes. And sometimes that little voice reaches outside of us and gives us signs. Literal signs even.

When that voice speaks? Listen and follow it to a life you’ve only dreamed about. They exist. As I’m slowly learning. It doesn’t guarantee no tears. There will be plenty. Plenty of blood, sweat, and tears. But at the end of that road is that treasure you’ve wanted to find all your life. Your happiest life. Your authentic you. This world needs that! It needs you happy and in-love with your life. A life you won’t need a vacation from too. Yes, those exist.

It’s just not the easiest road out there to face. Sometimes you’ll have to walk it alone. Sometimes you’re going to find your entire life turned upside down and you may lose everything.

But I’ll choose my happiness over a life of darkness and misery and “what everyone else does,” every single freakin time. We won’t always walk it alone either. That path leads us to that great love we’ve always dreamed about too. The partnership. It takes stepping off the path of “everyone else,” and saying, “I think my path is this way.” It takes courage. It takes breaking down those walls, opening up, being vulnerable, and choosing to listen to that little voice within, not the societal voices screaming aloud.

But there is gold at the end of that rainbow. I promise you. It just won’t happen overnight. That’s the worst part. You’re going to need a lot of patience and commit completely to it. Many will try to stop you. Those who haven’t achieved their dream lives and don’t believe they exist. The naysayers. The misery bugs. Don’t let them stop you. Use that as your fuel.

Oh yeah? Watch me.

 


Discovery of an Enchantress coverToday’s word count for Discovery of an Enchantress

Started today at – 18,888

Ended today at – 19,981

Total word count for today – 1,093

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