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Little too late

So Kat found her truth a little too late. Verrick showed her the type of man he really is. Little hard to hide the truth of who he is when he knows that potentially he’s about to cause her physical harm and he does that one small thing to keep from hurting her.

Also, I realized he did it earlier too. Kat showed him what she was capable of, but he could’ve easily have retaliated I think. But . . . he didn’t. Wonder if she’s going to note that as well. She may.

Verrick is acting one way and then his actions in the heat of the moment are to protect her? When very little thought is going into what he’s doing?

Oh Verrick. Kat saw the real man beneath all of that bluster. Right now it’s confusing her. Not because of his actions or words, but because of the information she and Julian found out right before Verrick showed up. Cage still has to tell them what he found out from a friend of his who he had drive Kylarra and Mila around, so I think that may come out before the end of the book.

The end of the last chapter, Kat realized after Verrick left that it was the last lead they may have had for Kylarra, but this is when I believe she’ll come to realize that Cage never did tell them what he learned.

Writing this out without giving too much in this instance is entertaining isn’t it? Probably as such to read too, lol.

From seeing who Verrick really was after what Julian and Kat heard, Kat is confused. What does she trust? The man she handed her daughter over to who she knew hadn’t been lying? The man she saw beneath Verrick’s ego-based self he was showing them? A man that maybe Kylarra hasn’t truly seen too much of as of late either. Verrick is so damned adamant about running everyone off and pushing everyone away that he’s doing exactly what he wants. Ending up alone.

When in reality he doesn’t want that. I feel it when I write him. He craves that connection. Craves Kylarra’s arms around him, to be alone with her, open up to her, and yet he fights that so damn hard. I honestly feel sad for him. He wants that deep connection so bad, but I think he’s just so dang afraid to trust Kylarra will give it to him–she will Verrick, she wants it as bad as you do–that his fears are blocking him.

Writing that, I remember all the videos I’ve been watching from various sources this past year. Learning how to heal my own past, abuse, and emotional issues that it really opens up my eyes to a deeper part of Verrick too. Kylarra yes, but I think Verrick could be the one I relate to most in this situation. For me, I’m almost flinching every time I open myself up. Or say something that before had been met with anger and at times it still is. So I can relate the to fact that Verrick has such issues opening up and trusting that it is okay to.  It takes a great strength on his part. Only, at the same time, the more I open up, the easier it is to trust that it’s okay to. So I think Verrick is still at that point I was in the beginning. Feeling as if every time he admits a truth about himself, Kylarra won’t face it.

And Verrick does have a lot of bad things to really be open about. Things that yes, could potentially frighten Kylarra, or anger her, but I don’t believe she’ll leave. Take time to process after hearing it? Yes. Maybe even days of processing. But leave? No, Verrick. Nothing, absolutely nothing will get her to leave you. Unless he probably physically hurt her with intention to. On accident? No. She’d forgive that instant because I believe in Birth of a Princess, Kylarra realized that it hurt Verrick to physically harm her so he may unintentionally hurt her, but never with the intention to physically hurt her.  Cheating is her other deal breaker.

So I have nothing in my head that tells me Kylarra would leave him. Not even if Verrick admitted to her how many he killed. Or the things he’s done. Does she need to know that? I doubt it. Would it help Verrick to tell her some of it? I think so. Not to tell anyone as much as to tell her and see that Kylarra doesn’t leave.

Almost makes me wonder if he’ll do that in the next book. Or rather, when they come back to face-to-face. From personal experience I know now that admitting something that I think is bad while the other shows through actions that it basically means nothing to them? Not in the way of they don’t care, but to them it’s just part of who I am, what makes me me and they’re still there? It’s healing. It’s empowering. It’s comforting. And makes me fall in love all over again.

THAT is what Verrick needs to tell Kylarra some of his past for. For him to heal and let her in. I wanna shake him and say, “SHE ISN’T GONNA LEAVE.” It’s actually incredibly frustrating. I wanna scream at him. lol While admittedly, it isn’t funny. Think of how much someone has to go through to get to that point? Especially men. One heartbreak for a man is like a thousand for a woman. The feminine energy is built to handle emotions better than the masculine energy is. So any who relate to the feminine energy, she (when I say he/she I’m referring to the energy, not gender) can handle heartbreak, but for the male, it’s so hard to trust again after a deep heartbreak. It can take that much more strength for them to open up again.

It saddens me to think of just how Verrick’s past cut him down over and over again to finally get him to that point where here is the most open and trusting heart he could ever find. The purest love from another and he’s petrified of it.

But . . . I have hope for Verrick. That boy . . . Kylarra’s heart will win out. I’m sure of it. It can’t not. Not when they have a healing connection. A connection deeper than anyone else. Like Kat and Julian. That sort of love is healing. That little tattoo covered, bike riding, gun toting, new type of predator male is going to fall at Kylarra’s knees one day. And that’s the day he’s going to truly become strong and free. That love will free all those restraints and help that man fly.

My inspiration for Verrick.

Today’s word count for Fury of a Queen.

Started today at – 68,179

Ended today at – 70,904

Total word count for today – 2,115

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