Getting even closer to the end. I was hoping that Mila and Verrick would show in this book. Sort of a hint of both at the end-ish so that when I continued into this tale (through the next two books), it’s almost like a carrot dangling in front of a horse encouraging him to follow, lol. That sounds bad when you realize I mean I’m using bait for the reader to follow, much in the same way that TV shows will hook you just before the break so you come back. Or the news will tell you about a story coming up that in fact is the only one you really care about and it’s the last one shown?

That sort of thing.

Show the preview of what’s to come in some ways.

Anyway, I’d hoped that Verrick would show and Mila so that Verrick would disappear (possibly, I don’t really know) until the 3rd book, and then Mila would show in this book to entice the reader into the second book. Oh, that just hit me. If she shows up near the end of this book, I could easily take that right into the 2nd book (I keep writing 3rd, oy). But since I need to start Mila’s story from where she and Stefan really left off, I may not pick up that exact scene until a few chapters into the 2nd story.

I could. Just like Dark Illusions left off when Kylarra was born and now picks up all these years later, I could do that with Mila’s story, but I’d rather not. We will see what happens. As usual.

About that point. I wanted Mila and Verrick to show up in the end of this book, but I’m not sure if Mila will make it. I can extend this story to accommodate her, but not if she’s late and not interested in participating. She may not want to show up until her story takes place.

I’m sure Verrick will show though. Since Mila is with Stefan and he can easily smell Verrick, and doesn’t have such a sweet temperament toward Verrick, the Universe may actually protect Verrick and not have Mila and Stefan show up until a good few days later or after. Only Kylarra seems to have the scenting capabilities of pushing into the past with her nose. Stefan? Not sure.

Sure, he’s the King of the Lycaen and all and has superior scenting abilities, but I’m not sure if he’s capable of such incredible abilities. I think Kylarra’s vampire side is doing that. She gets that extra ability from her mother. Maybe Kat’s empathic abilities, visions all sort of compiled into a new and distinct ability that Kylarra possesses. Like a vision come to life through her nose to pick through the scents and push into the past. When she hones that skill, what’s she going to be like?

I only know that much from Birth of a Princess. You’ll get to read that come the end of the year-ish? Maybe sooner depending on my schedule. When I’m done with The Culling Cycle, I may work on a book in the afternoon and evening. Right now I switch between afternoon Dark Illusions and then evening The Culling Cycle. The morning is writing Fury of a Queen.

I wanted to talk about growth too in this post. 

The other day in some of my blogs I’ve talked about growth. Not gonna bother to hunt all of them done since all these posts have sort of just become an interconnecting tale of my work, stories, characters, and life inspiration. Which I like. This is helping me to keep up my daily blogging too. I’m a natural psycho-analyzer. Maybe it’s my Virgo rising in me. My natural inclination toward overthinking and analyzing human behavior and why they do the things they do. Not sure. I have just always been this way. And only the people who’ve ever been closest have known that side of me. Which have been less than a handful. My dad was my biggest listener. He and I used to constantly talk about human behavior and all sorts of things.

So growth.

I mentioned in previous posts that Kat has grown because of Julian, I’ve grown since I met Jeanie and a man in my past, and even mentioned recently Ellie grew a lot because of Stone (yes she also had Jeremiah and Jack there, but I think Stone really balanced her out well because he was the one she told everything to). But this afternoon while I was beginning the clean up of the yard and leaves (nice and 65-ish here) I was thinking about how I mentioned my characters growing from those steady men in their lives, but I didn’t really mention the reverse. I think that Stone and Julian have also grown because of Ellie and Kat. And then the same for all of the other characters (pairings) in my books.

If I think about Verrick and Kylarra, they haven’t yet settled into their connection, it’s still very raw and grr-ish. Not really even sure how to say it. They are mated as a couple, but Kylarra still partially believes I think, that Verrick isn’t completely about her. And same with Verrick because they haven’t yet fully embraced their connection and accepted that yes, they are it for each other. They are fighting the intensity and yet who do they always choose? They know they are paired and know there is nobody else, but emotionally dropping the guard and being like, okay I’m done fighting this incredibly intense connection we share. That is also because they don’t really trust one another. That’s where it comes in.

Without that trust, letting down the walls, and letting that other in? You can have an intense bond and still . . . it won’t go anywhere. If you want that spiritual rare passionate bond with another there’s no options. You’ve got to let them in. And Kylarra and Verrick are still very afraid to accept that about one another. Sadly I doubt we’re going to see different anytime soon.

Still too new for them. And with Verrick’s, “I don’t need you!” attitude and “you’re going to leave me so why so I bother letting you in, involving you in my life?” actions, you really can’t blame Kylarra for being afraid to drop the rest of her guards. She loves him. She loves him more than anything in this world. Can’t imagine herself with anyone but him, but she’s reached a standstill until Verrick allows her in. It’s up to him. Do you want your life without her Verrick? Or with?

That’s the choice he’s going to have to make for himself.

Another couple which comes to mind would be Ronin and Hope from Hope of the Future. Ah Ronin. Mister ridiculous. He was so convinced that Hope should let down her walls from day one. As if just because she’d been hurt, she should be all, okay great, here is this man saying he isn’t going anywhere and all is lovely. Only it takes Ronin a long time and many arguments, many fights to finally see what Cayla had been telling him. That he can’t believe just because he’s there, Hope can go against all the pain she’s been through and trust this man is different from the rest. Hence the scene below.

“All excuses. I’ve given her no reason to fear me, let alone not to trust me. She has no reason to fear me.”

Cayla couldn’t believe her ears. She shook her head in disbelief. “Do you hear yourself? That girl has known nothing but pain, and you expect her to believe that the next who come along aren’t like every single last before? I’m not saying it’s not an excuse, but by god, Ronin, give her a break. I’ve had nothing but resistance from her, but she’s still here. She hasn’t tried to run away. If she didn’t care, she would’ve been long gone. That should tell you everything.”

Ronin huffed. “That says nothing. She hasn’t been in the position to run.”

Cayla choked on her laugh and almost fell off the back of the vehicle she was sitting on. “You’re joking, right? Have you not been around the same woman I have? Even when she’s lying in a bed, near death, that girl can run and run hard. Look at her. She may not seem like it, but if she wanted to? Not one of us could stop her. Funny that where she keeps running to . . . is you.”

Ronin waved her off. “I don’t understand why I bother.”

Cayla proceeded over to Hope, and as she did, she called back to him, “Only you can answer that.”

Ronin stalked off.

Hope is far too used to being kidnapped, being nearly raped, nearly killed, abandoned, treated like a puppet for other’s benefits. She’s been literally left for dead after she gave birth to a baby who died, yet she didn’t. Oh no. See Hope is an Eternal. So when she was left for dead–literally–her body slowly healed itself and she was to live life without the love of her life who’d been killed in front of her, and the child which died in her arms in a dark alley.

How is she to open up and trust this new person when everyone but Cayla (and she’s not been around long) has abused her, hurt her, and promised all these lovely things, only to later on betray her?

Then Ronin finally sees the truth. That no matter how many times he says something, he needs to show Hope. And he does need to tell her over and over while showing her through actions: he is here and not going anywhere. That she is important to him. That he’s not going to let someone hurt her.

And then after a long time, Hope finally hears the truth and sees it as well.  Ronin is it. I have a strong hunch she felt it from the moment she lay eyes on Ronin. As I pause to think about it, I realize they all have. Every man, every woman. They’ve all connected from that first look. They knew: that person is my person.

*whispers* I can vouch for that feeling when I didn’t think it existed. I fully admit that.

Anyway, that seems to be a huge thing for all these characters. A little voice inside of them said: this is your person. They fight their connections, each one bringing their own wounding into the connection, fighting it, doubting it, but not once truly giving up on that connection. Verrick and Kylarra are probably the most explosive in those terms, yelling they are done, but I have to admire the men when the female says that. They are all: Nope. You can’t get rid of me THAT easy. Then they proceed to hunt that woman down with all the gusto they possess.

But that is one huge background I’m seeing in all of the characters. They not only know from first glance that that is their person, and feel that connection, but they grow from that connection. There is no more chance to remain immature and run from bed to bed, person to person, leave that connection and this connection behind. They are there for the long haul. No matter how hard they fight.

I think that’s important in life period. Find the person who makes you grow. The person who inspires you to be the best person possible. If they are dragging you down into the pits with them, muddy, and happy to stay there? That’s no good for our souls. We don’t change the world until we become our best selves. And I truly do think–something I’ve always believed–that finding that person is essential to it.

Trust me, I’ve had far too many folks in my world telling me the opposite, but I’ve always watched a thousand people find that person and then change. And it’s not that they go from partier to drug addict left in the streets. That isn’t your person. The person for you is the person who you naturally change around not to please them, but because they just inspire the best version of yourself to come out. Hi, I’ve never been this emotionally expressive and open since childhood. It’s probably one reason why I love the characters in my stories too.

David and Kennedy are yet another version. They are in Sylphline Realm: Crown of Ice and Sylphline Realm: Royal Blood. Kennedy and David just connect from the moment they lay eyes on one another. They also happen to marry in that same instant, haha. You want volatile, now there is a couple who truly embody passion. Example of that below. David thinks she’s a demure little lady, following orders, until he pushes her too far, and she has to finally put her foot down and show him: no King, she allows you to rule over her, until she decides she’s not interested in following the rules.

She’s feisty. Love her. Comes across as sweet and mannerly until . . . she has to show her strength. Then not even a Bloidoi can match her temper or get her to back down. And this is while she is still very much a newbie in this world of David’s. Kennedy didn’t care. Probably could’ve had a whole ton of Davids standing in front of her and she would’ve stood strong and told them all to back off.

As much as David doesn’t think he can change, he does. Being around Kennedy opens him up emotionally. He’s been closed off, independent, uninterested in connecting with anyone. And really it’s because he’s been afraid of it. He was betrayed again and again as a child. Unlike with Hope, where Ronin has to show her these things, it’s Kennedy in the Sylphline Realm. Kennedy is the one who opens David up to be more expressive and show to him that she isn’t going anywhere. I’d imagine for Verrick and Kylarra, they may be equal in that partnership.

Maybe it is what we’re all here for. Not just to better ourselves, but yes to find that person who helps us grow to become even better than we’d ever be on our own. Maybe not for all of us, but I know that unless you have another there to help you express to them then you’re not really able to grow that way because if we think about it, it forces us to be vulnerable in a way we just can’t with anyone else. Because our person is the one we’re going to be naked with in far more ways than just one meaning of that word. And finding someone who can accept us as is, and help us to see that it is okay to be so vulnerable?

I always go back to my grandparents. They were extraordinary people. And I am not sure either of them would be half the person they were without the other. They were the truest partners and best friends that I’ve ever seen. In their late years, my grandfather really needed my grandmother and not only did she stay, but she was not miserable about it. Not hateful toward him. She wasn’t yelling, “I gave up my life for you!” to this man. She loved him every day. Even while throwing up her hands and bitching him out or doing that huff/snort sound which meant basically that she wanted to ring his damn neck out of frustration. Then he’d proceed to just smile. Because they knew how to poke at each other and still love one another. I loved every minute of being around them. I never tired of it. And that too is what happens when you find that person who helps you grow.

It changes those around you. People become better just being around you. They love to be around that energy. It is a beautiful feeling to be enveloped in, around.

Growth doesn’t come from a person trying to change us. Because nobody can make us change and if they do? It won’t last. Can you imagine Kylarra telling Verrick to stop being an asshole? Oh yeah sure, she has, but because she’s been pissed off at him. Didn’t make him stop being one. Just made him do it more to tick her off. People have been trying to change me my entire life. Rather than loving me as is accepting me as is and then in turn I change to become a better person for it. Do you know how healing it is to hear someone say they understand you? They are glad to have you in their life? To say thank you? Just for being you?

There is no change in there. Just solid acceptance. And if you don’t find yourself becoming a better person around them? They aren’t your person. Period.

Though it’s not happening anytime soon, I do think Verrick is going to step up. Because he’s going to have Kylarra stripped away from him against his will and he’ll have no choice. In the beginning I have a feeling he’s convincing himself she left him, but though I don’t know what will happen to get him to change that thought, it will. I have no doubt. I believe in Verrick. At the end of the day, Kylarra is all he wants.

And one of these days that man is going to prove it to her. He’s going to not only show the hell up, but I have this note written down where Viktor tells them if Kylarra ever goes missing, Verrick is the one. Verrick will find her. Always. And I always get goosebumps when I read it. Tear up too, haha. Because I think that’s going to be Verrick’s wake-up call.

And there will be nothing that stops Verrick from finding his mate and ensuring she knows that she is his entire world and he’d give up everything for her. Her happiness means everything to him. Let’s face it: he’s a big ol cuddle bug beneath that grr exterior.

We all know it. Now Verrick needs to accept it and then a very strong leader is going to come out of him. No longer this ass who wants to bully everyone into being afraid. He’ll be the real leader he’s meant to be.

Off to work on the redo of Dark Illusions: The Beginning.

Today’s word count for Fury of a Queen.

Started today at – 58,181

Ended today at – 59,932

Total word count for today – 1,751