Back to normal with my words. This is why I don’t get down on myself if I have a low word count. The next day I will go right back up there. I had someone on Twitter tell me to keep the faith. As much as I understand where they are coming from and appreciate their kind words, it makes me think about something. Have we become so easily wounded and hurt that one slow day or bad word count would be something that could take a person that far down?
Don’t get me wrong, I am a perfectionist. It was bred into me, it’s the way I am. I’ve always been an extreme independent and loner so I’m naturally my own worst enemy too, which is why on Facebook I use the term “rebel word slinger.” It defines me. I’m different. When I push myself, I know I’m pushing myself. But I also know my limits. I’ve been down the road of burnout. I’ve personally known what it is like and how it can affect a person. I also know how hard it is to come back to writing after quitting. I’ve gone that route too.
When it was burnout it was because I worked a few jobs at once and my brain was just . . . done. Until you’ve been there, I can’t say what it’ll be like for you, but mental exhaustion and simply wanting to give up on life is a good one. I didn’t say suicide. Although depending on the person I’d imagine that could be it. Giving up on life doesn’t mean the same as suicide. It just means that you want to let everything go and be done. There is no inspiration, no hope. Very similar in ways to suicide, but maybe a better description would be to call it boredom. I think many think they’re depressed when in reality they’re just burnt out. This world is an enabler to that sort of thought process.
Or the opposite to where we’re made to believe if things aren’t perfect then you fail. Now since I’m a type A personality and a perfectionist, I know all too well about that feeling too. I also know how to manage it because I’ve become more self-aware with age. It’s a matter of stepping back, a matter of knowing when to pull back.
If you don’t think so, pop over to YouTube and read comments. I watched one video where the guy took time out of his day to show how to fix a broken washer safety catch. There were more comments about his dirty washer and that he should clean it, than thank yous. That makes me annoyed for people. Share an image of a dirty house and people will focus less on the picture of the object and more on the background–the dirty house. As if that is a bad thing.
There is this idea going around that unless something is 100% perfect, it’s a failure. Not one thing on this planet will be 100% perfect. No matter how many times I edit a book, there will be at least one person out there who hates it and thinks the grammar is wrong. More than that would be typical.
Wanna know if that’s true? Ask the designer or person behind the creation of anything that you believe is perfect: do you see flaws? They will give you an earful. Perfection doesn’t exist. We are humans, we are flawed. If I have a bad day, or slow day of writing, I’m not going to get down on myself. And yes, I’m open about getting down on myself sometimes. The majority of the time I simply don’t put that much thought into it. I don’t care enough to. I’m too busy writing and living my life.
If someone wants to criticize something, it means they are too busy focusing on the flaws to enjoy it. That’s got nothing to do with me. I do my best, I put hard work into everything I do, but at the end of the day if I hold back because of some minor issue, I’m not doing my job. My job is writing. As long as I have one word on paper, even one letter, I have done my job for the day.
If I spend days where my writing is sluggish and I plug along, sure I think get your butt in gear. While at the very same time I think at least it’s something. Looking in from the outside, it could seem that just mentioning the low numbers, or that I’m bummed about the low count that day, that I’m down on myself. I’m not. When I get down on myself, I really get down on myself. Little hair triggers like word count being low once in a while don’t bother me too much. I think that’s important. I’m fully aware of my limitations, but I also know that it’s not about today, or tomorrow. It’s not even about having a full month of bad writing (word count). It’s that I’m still writing. Every day I sit my butt in the chair and I put words into my work. Whether it a short story or long: I’m still writing.
That’s what it’s about. Ten years from now I’d hope to be doing the same. Twenty the same. Someone else may think that’s boring, but I’m always so happy and excited for my writing. I love it so damn much because it’s fun. Period. Nothing boring about it to me. 🙂
Making good progress on the story.
Word count I started the day with: 27,778
Word count I ended the day with: 29,996
Total for the day: 2,218 words
Could you be with someone who was in love with you but you weren’t in love (maybe just cared or felt love for) with?