I dreamt about Sabrina last night. I’d like to say it offered me comfort, or maybe brought me peace, but I’d be lying. I woke up crying, feeling the loss all over again.
I know that the heartache and pain is testament to him much I loved her, and how deeply. Doesn’t make it hurt less. I’ve never suffered heartbreak like this before. I’m not the only one going through it. All over the social sphere, I see it happening, which is incredibly sad for those who have lost their pets. I seem to be the only one not getting another puppy to help shift my focus though. I can’t afford one, otherwise I would’ve. I’ve always been crazy about Dobermans so I hope to get one one day. Sooner the better, I am a big dog person.
Wasn’t the only dream I had. I had a rare (read: very rare for me) nightmare before the Sabrina one. So bad, the girl who doesn’t usually get scared, turned on a light to check on the dogs and get my brain back to reality. I remember seeing a 3 toe alien foot (wasn’t yet scared) and it picking up a baby, then it whispering some unusual language (still wasn’t afraid – I find it odd now). Then the dream switches to me walking with someone outside around a lake (little worried) to find a dog following us lap by lap (getting concerned). It didn’t feel like it was really a dog. (Concern growing.) We picked up pace, then ran (petrified) and so did the dog. Only the dog cut across the lake (it can walk on water!) came at us to bite me and bam I woke up scared and thinking an alien was in front of my face as I lie there with my eyes closed.
So I turned on a light. (big girl.) And today I watched Jessabel. Go figure. That’s a horror movie for anyone who hasn’t seen it.
Anyway, after getting myself to go back to sleep, I dreamt of her. I remember standing there, knowing completely that she wasn’t alive. In the dream I felt like it was real life. I was on the opposite side of existence. I could see my mom and brother, but knew that where I was, was the realm where she existed – where the dead exist and are very much alive. If I moved from that area, I could no longer see her. She would be there, but not me. So I sat down, and she came over and put her head in my lap and just lay there like she used to. I stroked her head and neck.
That was all we did.
I remember being shocked to see her, surprised, but elated. It truly felt like real life so I was surprised a bit to wake up after that.
I do believe it was her way to come see me. To those who don’t believe in things of that nature, it may seem odd, but I’ve learned to believe in dreams of that nature. I’ve had them with my dad too, and that’s the clear sign for me. They feel real. It’s not the same wild and crazy dreams I have where we go on crazy adventures. Nah. Like when my dad shows up. We’re getting ready to have dinner. We’re talking about our day. It’s those sorts of “normalcy,” among the dream land.
If you’re asking yourself, then why hasn’t such and such turned up for me yet. It’s about being open and ready. That’s why pets can come sooner. We are open, we want them to come. It may feel like you are, but we sometimes block ourselves with sheer disbelief. We are so powerful, we don’t even comprehend it yet. So I know in my heart she came. I don’t feel like she is really gone in the spirit sense. It’s just the physical that’s difficult for me. The bond we had was incredible, intuitive, beautiful. Even dare I say magical.
So not having her physically here to touch every day is so hard for me. I still hear her though. It makes me pause and look around. I hear the weight of her body hitting the ground, or her breathing. There are other times I hear the hrmph sound that only she made. I try to pretend I don’t. Even after everything I’ve seen in my life and I still am as much of a skeptic with the other side of life. I’m cool that way.