On the essence of a past moment recaptured

I sit and watch the pup pups playing. I focus on one, and simply enjoy the show. I’m watching all the years of growth I’ve been around to see, all the years yet ahead.

I sit and watch this fantastic beauty as she sleeps beside me on the chair, listening to the gentle sounds of sleep. I am reminded of the way she (Kaley) looked while she slept in her bed as nothing more than a worm with legs, along with her siblings, after they were born.

My back would scream in pain, my legs would be worse after the long hours of caring for them and their mother, but I didn’t care. I would sit, and I would watch. I observed the wonders of nature, of life, of love, lying there in that nursery bed. Admiring what came of nothing.

Sometimes I will hold them and do nothing more than look into their eyes, seeing everything residing within. The intelligence, the love, the amazing way parts of nothing can come together to form such a beautiful creature. I don’t think about how hard it is at time with them during their misbehaving moments, I don’t stress over the moments of their training that seems to go so slow.

I am simply grateful to know this amazing four-legged adventurer, this loyal lover, this brave warrior who tackles every day with smiles. I appreciate every moment.

I watch them because I love them. I love to see them grow, love to see the way they express their love to one another, I learn from them. I learn how not to dwell, how to be who I am without fear. How to love without conditions.

Most of all I watch them because they are fascinating. They were once nothing more than parts of theirs parents and I am amazed at how life brought forth and transpired to create these creatures. I am fully present, and experience the miracle of life while I watch them.

Sometimes they come over and crawl into my lap if I’m on the floor.  If I’m trying to capture a photo of them, there are times I will find a heavy presence on my lap only to discover one has laid against my leg, or hip. Just so they can touch me. If I’m kneeling down to kiss another, one will creep under my chest and snuggle beneath the cave of my hair, daring a sibling to mess with them. I laugh because they want to cuddle that way and I know it is because deep down they know . . . I will keep them safe. There is a feeling that comes with that, which is hard to express unless you’ve known it.

It’s a feeling that says that animal (or child) has placed 100% trust in you because they believe in you. They not only know you will protect them, and that they feel comfort in your presence, but you know that the faith is warranted because you will do everything to protect them.

I watch them play and I find them so utterly captivating and beautiful that I can’t tear my gaze from them. These are moments I won’t get again and I want to savor every last miniscule part of them.

If they were a child, I would imagine they would be bothered. But then they would grow up and find themselves understanding something vital.

Like the reason she was watched by her father all the time. And though she complained and it drove her nuts to find her father watching her, she would grow up to finally understand why he always said he liked to watch  his beautiful daughter.

It would make sense to her why he treated her like such a treasure. Because he too, saw a miracle sitting before him that he wanted to treasure. He wanted to absorb every moment of her existence because that little girl (no matter how old she got) was his every wish come true.

Even if she always cried out, “stop watching me!” It just made him smile and he would eventually sneak a peak once more.

Eventually I have to work, but I always sneak a peak at them once more as well. I eventually grab one that nitpicks me to get my attention, and I give them a hug and a kiss. They would probably say the same to me if they could speak, “enough mom, geez!” but I can’t stop myself from watching them and being absorbed by their existence.

By what is possible from life.

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